Far Away
by invalid-reality
Summary: The Sequel to Closer...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: Kind of hammered this one out pretty quickly after I finished writing Closer. Many thanks to my awesome beta Mikey who made some sense out of a couple lines I wrote that really didn't make much sense at all...and thanks to everyone who read and reviewed Closer, much love goes out to you :)

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One week had passed since she woke up with no memory of what had happened or how she was seemingly asleep one night and then nearly two months had passed by. Two months! Two months of her life gone, just like that. Giles and Willow had tried to explain to her all that had happened, why she couldn't remember, but she pushed them away, refusing to believe the things they were saying were true.

A vampire. With a soul.

In love. With Faith. _Faith_!

With a frustrated groan she pulled her pillow over her head and tried to drown out the sounds that drifted in from the corridors. It was never quiet in the castle, not even at night. Every night for the past week, just after midnight, she would hear Faith in the training room pounding away on one of the punching bags. She knew it was Faith; she'd gone down the second night to find out who it was. She'd caught herself standing there in the darkened doorway just watching her for nearly half an hour, anger bubbling inside of her. Confusion as to what the hell she was even doing there in the first place. Had she not been clear when she stated after Robin and the younger slayers' deaths that she didn't want anything to do with her?

Kicking off the sheets, suddenly feeling too hot even in the dry cool air, she lay there breathing in heavily, trying to collect her thoughts and trying to make sense of the dreams she'd been having since she'd come 'back'. She knew something was different. Not just with herself, but with life in general and with the events that had unfolded, events she couldn't remember. The dreams were flashes of images, of what felt like memories. She woke up every morning drenched in sweat with a delicious ache between her legs and smiled at the feeling until she remembered just what she'd been dreaming of.

Faith.

She didn't believe Giles or Willow about what had really happened to her, and she certainly wasn't about to talk to anyone about these dreams. She couldn't understand how or why she was even having them in the first place, though, and it was making her wonder if there was a string of truth to what they were saying. She used to know they would never lie to her, but everything had been different over the last while. She was no longer feeling quite herself, pushing everyone away and withdrawing into herself. She felt more alone than she ever had since she'd been called. She felt unloved and unwanted, unneeded, and nothing more than just what all the younger slayers thought of her as: General Buffy.

The one thing that really bothered her about the things she'd been told was the fact of how it all had started: She had gone out and tried to get herself killed. Killed! She scoffed at that in front of the others, but in the privacy of her own room she curled up on her bed and cried, wondering if they even knew how she felt and what she was going through. And through eavesdropping she'd heard Faith tell Giles what a mistake it had been to come there in the first place to help her. It made Buffy laugh. How the hell could _Faith_ help her and with what?

Right back to Faith as always. She couldn't get her out of her head. Even when she just thought about her she got that old, warm and familiar hum deep in her body. She remembered it from back in Sunnydale, during the days before Faith had turned on all of them. But over all the anger and the hate, she chalked it up to mixed emotions and filed it away just as she had so many years ago. It was too easy to push aside what she felt for Faith. Now and then. It was all the same. It never changed. It never would. It was just the way it would always be. Just the thought of her now, weaselling her way back into her life the way she had, made her grind her teeth and clench her fists tight.

The sound of fists hitting the punching bag had become almost like music to her ears over the last week, only this time it was early morning and she knew the day had started for everyone in the castle but herself. She did as she pleased, came and went and slayed on her terms. But these sounds were different. Well timed and well connected to a certain dark, rogue slayer that went by the name of Faith.

"Bitch," she muttered angrily as she grabbed the pillow off of her head and tossed it clear across the room. "Would you get out of my head for two goddamn seconds?"

Taking in a few deep breaths to calm herself down, she got up out of bed and quickly got dressed in what she'd worn the night before. She didn't even look at herself in the mirror. She couldn't stand to anymore. She hated who she had become and she didn't need a daily visual reminder of that. She had her thoughts to do just that. All in all, she just didn't care anymore. She hadn't since things with Victor ended badly. Very badly.

She had done nothing but try to forget about that tryst. It messed up her head, tore open her heart and she built up these walls she knew would never break down. That got her thinking about Satsu, though, and that was even worse. She'd used the poor girl; used her and tossed her away even knowing how Satsu had felt about her. Everyone was always in love with her. It was some kind of hero worship, it had to be. She would tell herself that every time these thoughts came to her and it made her feel slightly better, but it didn't help the fact that right now _nobody_ was in love with her.

"Get a grip," she said to herself as she flung open the door and stepped out into the corridor.

She avoided running into anyone as she made her way down to the kitchen. She needed her coffee. If she hadn't smashed the coffee maker in her suite months ago, she wouldn't have had to leave her room until mid-afternoon. Giles was in the kitchen, of course, sitting at the table sipping his tea with a newspaper spread out in front of him. He didn't lift his head from whatever story had his full attention as she walked over to the coffee maker, sighing out in relief at the full pot that had literally just finished brewing.

"Oh, good morning, Buffy. Did you sleep well?" Giles asked as he lifted his head and offered her a friendly smile.

"Like the dead," she chuckled dryly.

Giles tensed and removed his glasses, shaking his head at her poor excuse for a joke. She honestly couldn't help herself. She still didn't truly believe all that had happened no matter who told her. She wanted to believe it, she really did, but something felt off about the whole thing. If it really happened, why didn't she remember anything? They told her she was suffering from amnesia and it did seem to make sense; two months had passed and she had not a single memory of a day of it. Still she couldn't _believe_ it.

She shrugged it off and reached for the sugar. She nearly dropped the bowl to the ground when a group of younger slayers ran into the kitchen, laughing like children and frazzling her nerves. All her senses had been on high alert since she woke up a week ago and she couldn't shake them or tune anything out. She did notice how acutely aware she was whenever Faith was around. The hair on the back of her neck stood up, sending shivers down her spine, and it only increased whenever she got closer to Faith. She did keep her distance; she knew if she didn't she'd lash out at her and it wouldn't end up well. There was a deep woven hate entwined with betrayal and god knows what else.

She took her coffee mug and slipped out of the kitchen, wandering around the corridors until she came to a stop just outside the training room. She hadn't actually stepped foot inside of there for nearly a year; she just couldn't be bothered to. This morning, though, something was drawing her in and she breezed past the open doors, coming to a sudden stop when her eyes fell upon Faith at the same punching bag she'd seen her using before. The same one Buffy always preferred back when she had trained daily. Her breath caught in her chest as Faith stopped and turned to look at her.

"Hey, B."

Buffy just raised an eyebrow as she walked over and sat on the stack of spare mats a few feet from where Faith stood. She said nothing as her eyes roamed over Faith's body, drinking her in and stuck in a trance she couldn't break herself out of. She had no idea why she was looking at her the way she was, like she was actually checking her out. It had to have been the dreams she'd been having that were playing sick games with her mind and her libido.

"You're always in here," Buffy said stiffly as she watched Faith resume a perfectly timed series of jabs and kicks against the bag.

"Helps me take my mind off of shit," Faith replied, keeping the rhythm and barely taking a breath as she kept her eyes trained on the bag in front of her. "Did you want something?"

"No."

"I really think we need to talk, B."

"No, we don't, F."

She saw the chill run through Faith's body at the coldness of her voice. She smirked as Faith gripped on to the bag and closed her eyes as she took in a few deep breaths. She sipped her coffee, her eyes never leaving Faith as she watched her try to calm herself down. She could see Faith's hands shaking and she wasn't sure if it was because she'd been at it for hours this morning already or because of something else. Because of her. She had to remind herself she didn't care what kind of effect she had on Faith. The truth of the matter was, she didn't want Faith there and she desperately needed to find a way to drill that into her stubborn head.

"Buffy, I..."

"Don't," she snapped, holding herself back from leaping at Faith and beating her senseless. The urge was in her, consuming her, but she had to keep her cool. She'd snap sooner or later and she knew Faith knew it too. "You want to talk? Fine. I want to know what the hell you are still doing here! Didn't I make it clear the other day that I don't want you here?"

"I get that and you've made it perfectly clear, B. But Giles wants me here. Willow and Xander and even your sister want me here. I'm not going anywhere because you can't stand to look at me. Besides, B, if you really hate me that much, wouldn't you have kicked my ass to Hell and back by now?"

"I'm trying to keep my cool."

Faith chuckled as she shook her head and began unwrapping the tape from her hands. "You have never been able to keep your cool around me, B."

"Things change."

"Sure do. People change too," Faith whispered under her breath just loud enough for Buffy to hear her. "I know you don't believe anyone when they tell you what's happened, but it happened, Buffy. It all really fucking happened! God, I always thought I was the stubborn one. How fucking wrong I was."

Buffy wasn't in the mood to get into this with Faith. She should have just got up and walked away, but something was keeping her there. She had this lingering feeling that they had to work things out despite the tension that continued to grow between them every time they came face to face in the last week. She had to be honest with herself: She rarely noticed the things Faith did, always too wrapped up in her own little world to give a flying fuck about anyone else but herself and the people she loved. Faith wasn't one of those people and never would be. But the way she caught Faith looking at her sometimes, with longing in her eyes, puzzled her. She was sure Faith had never looked at her like _that_ before.

There was a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that she was wrong about not believing everything that had happened. She wanted to shake it off, but she couldn't. What if she really was wrong about everything? What if she was wrong about Faith? What if she was wrong about how she really, truly felt about Faith under the layers of hatred she'd built up?

She'd been so lost in her own thoughts she didn't notice that Faith had left until she snapped out of it and found herself alone in the training room. With a heavy sigh she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. How she found herself in situations such as this, she wasn't sure, but life seemed to have an endless supply of curveballs to throw in her direction.

Satsu had been one of them. Even at that time, she'd been more lonely than anything else. It was more about scratching that itch than finding someone to love at the time. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if that's all it had ever been since she'd been with Angel. She'd never been able to fall in love, her heart seemingly already belonging to someone else. It didn't belong to Angel and it hadn't for a very long time, but it made her think hard and dig deep, only to shy away from answers she knew she wasn't ready for.

She set her mug down on the mats and walked over to the bag Faith had been using. The leather was still warm and it still swayed lightly from the reinforced chain that it hung from. She placed a hand over the well-worn spot in the middle and closed her eyes as she tried to clear her head enough to make sense of all the things running wild through her mind. She thought of the dreams she'd been having, how good she felt when she woke up from them and how angry she felt when she realized just who she'd been dreaming of. It made her wonder if the anger was just masking something else; true feelings perhaps. Feelings she wouldn't even admit to herself.

"She always does this. Gets into my head and under my skin and I can't get her out!"

Taking out her frustrations, her anger and a flurry of other emotions on the bag, she barely even noticed the pain in her knuckles until she stopped to take a deep breath and felt the warm blood trickling down her fingers. Time seemed to stand still as she stared down at her hands and watched the blood slowly drip off the tips of her fingers. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream out until she lost her voice. She wanted to beat the ever-living shit out of Faith and for a split second, a very quick split second, she just wanted to hug her and have Faith tell her everything was going to be all right.

Shuddering at the conflicted thoughts she was having that made absolutely no sense to her, she grabbed her mug of coffee and a fresh towel off the shelf near the door as she walked out. Thinking of Faith wasn't a new thing, but to have her invading her mind every second that passed definitely was. She was barely out the training room door before she was hit with a flurry of emotions as if she'd just walked into a wall. She stopped and clutched at her chest, trying to breathe as a flood of images flashed through her mind. It was too real. She could not only see what she was seeing, but she could feel it too.

Faith whispering words of love, her warm breath tickling her ear. Faith kissing her so deeply, so passionately she could feel the weakness in her knees even now. Faith letting her take her, fuck her, until she nearly passed out from the pleasure she was giving her. Faith just holding her, their bodies fitting so perfectly together as they slept.

As suddenly as those images had flooded through her mind, they were gone and she was left gasping for air, her heart racing wildly out of control. She'd had flashes of memories she didn't remember actually happening, but they'd never been that _intense_ before. Not even in those dreams she'd been having every night for the past week had they felt so _real_. She braced a hand against the wall, trying to steady herself as her entire body began to shake. She couldn't understand what was happening to her or why it was happening to her. It wasn't like she could talk to anyone about this either. What was she going to say when she wouldn't even know where to start?

She was beginning to question what she really believed had happened. She was beginning to question _herself_ and the way she felt when it came to Faith. What did she really feel? There was more than betrayal, more than hate rooted deep under the surface. Her mouth suddenly grew dry and she stopped herself from even thinking what she knew was coming, slamming her fist against the wall before she headed for the stairs.

Stopping on the landing, she couldn't keep herself from slumping against the wall as she tried to fight off the tears. What was happening to her? She just woke up one day and everything had gone and changed on her. It was worse than the time she'd been dead and gone and had to claw her way out of her own grave. Okay, maybe not that bad, but it sure felt like it in moments like this. She couldn't even sort through any of the thoughts or feelings that were consuming her, eating her alive, taunting her and pulling her in every direction she sure as hell didn't want to go.

She pushed herself off the wall, making her way up the rest of the stairs and down the long corridor to her suite. Her knuckles were throbbing with a dull pain, but it was no match for the pain she was going through as she was being torn through too many different emotions at once. Flinging the bloody towel into the laundry basket by the closet, she made her way over the mess of clothes strewn around the suite to the bathroom. She hadn't let anyone in her room all week; in fact, she hadn't let anyone in there for a very long time. This was her place, her sanctuary, even her own personal prison. Her feelings about it varied wildly depending on the day.

Today it was her sanctuary and she felt like a prisoner trapped in her own mind with what felt like someone else's memories and thoughts.

She cleaned up, watching the blood wash from her hands and staring down at the sink, the water running red, then pink and finally clear. For the first time in a long time she allowed herself to lift her head and stare at her reflection in the mirror. She looked tired, depressed, agitated and just plain pissed off. It was no wonder that a lot of the younger slayers had been avoiding her as much as they could. She was a mess and it showed. She fought the urge to punch the mirror, not needing any more bad luck than she already had. It wasn't like she was superstitious, but if there was anything she'd learned in life, you could never be too sure about anything and absolutely anything was possible.

Like her trying to get herself killed, being so badly injured that Willow had to use a spell to heal her, a spell that turned her into a vampire. A vampire with a soul. Like her falling in love with Faith and not even realizing just how she truly felt until she just let herself feel instead of standing guard of all feelings she always feared would end up breaking her apart in the end. Anything and everything was truly possible. And she was just beginning to realize how true that was. It explained her dreams, the loss of memory, the conflicted feelings she felt around Faith and even just thinking of her. But it still didn't explain why she still felt so hopeless, lost and alone.

She knew before the knock on the door came just who was on the other side. Her body was buzzing, her skin tingling at ghost memories of Faith and how it had felt to touch her, be touched by her. Buffy shivered as she walked out of the bathroom and headed for the door. By the time she reached the door and flung it open, Faith was already down the corridor and heading around the corner that would lead her to her room. She wanted to call out to her, but she held herself back. Whatever she'd end up saying to Faith if she did, she didn't really want to hurt her again.

Seeing that hurt in Faith eyes the few times they'd talked over the past week drove deep inside of her, pulled her apart for reasons she wasn't so sure of. Seeing the longing and the hope in Faith's eyes made her wonder if the woman really did love her. Faith was patient with her, never retaliating whenever the bitchy, snarky comments slid out. She closed the door and sighed out loudly, finally giving in to what her heart had been screaming for the last ten years or so.

She _was_ in love with Faith. She _is_ in love with Faith.

There was no sense in denying it to herself anymore. Even just admitting it in her head now, embracing the fact, she felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders. No more treading down the river of denial. It was dragging her down and pulling her apart, piece by piece. She choked back tears of happiness and even relief, walking over to the couch and sitting down heavily. The realization made her feel a little shell-shocked, but it also felt right. It felt like she should have just let go and admitted it to herself so many years ago. It could have saved a lot of bullshit from going down between the two of them, most of the hate she felt for Faith stemming from the fact she was masking her own feelings for her.

She shoved the clothes off the couch and fell onto it face first, burying her head into the soft, plush pillows. The tears flowed freely now and she couldn't stop them, every tear feeling as if she was getting out so much of what she should have many years ago. The tears slowed after what felt like hours and she lifted her head from the tear-soaked pillow, blinking away the last few that were left. The most sobering thought hit her as she looked around her suite: She was in love with Faith. If everything really did happen the way the others were telling her then that meant one other thing: Faith was in love with her too.

Not having a clue how to take this shred of information as it really sunk in, she lay back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling, wondering how she'd deal with this. How _was_ she going to deal with this? It's not like she could just jump into something with Faith when she couldn't look past their heavy history together. All these mixed, conflicted emotions she'd been having for the past week were catching up to her.

"Buffy?" Dawn called out quietly as she knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

With a heavy sigh, she got up from the couch and walked over to the door. "What do you want, Dawnie?"

"Have you been crying?"

"Yes," she replied as she choked back the tears. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to come see how you've been holding up since you...came back."

"What does it look like?"

"You aren't handling it very well," Dawn said softly as she pulled her in for a tight hug. "You don't want to talk about it, do you?"

"How much do you know about what happened?"

"Enough."

Buffy dropped her arms from around Dawn and stepped back away from her. "I want to believe everything, I really do, but it's so hard when I don't remember!"

"I can't even imagine what that's like," she said as she followed Buffy over to the couch, an eyebrow rising in disgust and alarm as she looked around the mess in the room. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

"Where do I even start?"

"At the beginning," Buffy replied as she pulled one of the plush pillows to her chest. "Start with why Faith is here."

"You wanted her here. You were...you nearly died, Buffy. Nobody knew how to talk to you or reach out to you. She was the only one. She helped you. She helped you pull through and out of whatever deep dark corner of your mind you'd locked yourself up in. You have no idea how grateful we all are for what she's done for you."

"How did she help me?" Buffy asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm having a hard time believing someone like Faith could have helped me."

"She was just there. She was your friend. You two spent a lot of time together every day just talking, I guess, and then she...you and her were...you know," Dawn said nervously as she grabbed the other plush pillow and began to fidget with the edges. "You told me that Faith told you how she felt first and that everything seemed to fall into place after that and when you...when Willow did that spell..."

"What?"

"Everything changed but you and Faith; it didn't seem to do anything other than bring you two closer together."

"And you were okay with me being with her?"

"Buffy," Dawn sighed as she turned to look at her, "I'm still okay with it. I just want you to remember, everyone does. If you knew what Faith has been going through since you came back..."

Buffy closed her eyes as she tried to let what Dawn was saying sink in, tried to believe it with everything she had. It was still too hard. Too confusing. Too unreal.

"I asked Willow how long it'd be for you to get those memories back. She doesn't know if you'll ever get them back."

"I don't know if I even want them back," she said under her breath. "Maybe it's better this way?"

"How is this better? You've gone back to where you were before all of this started! The only difference now is we all understand what you're going through a hell of a lot better than we did the first time," Dawn exclaimed, breathing heavily as it was clear she was struggling to keep control of her emotions, just as Buffy was. "I know you can't believe all of this and I know how hard it is to deal with this too, but you aren't alone, Buffy. You never were. You just pushed us all away. You pushed yourself away."

Buffy let her tears begin to fall, knowing how right Dawn was. She laughed a little as she looked over at her. "When did you get so smart, Dawnie?"

"I've always been smart," she replied with a half-hearted laugh. "I needed you to know how worried we all are about you. I needed you to know that despite how you must feel right now, you aren't in this alone even if it feels like you are."

"What am I going to do?"

"About what?"

"About everything, about Faith?"

"Well," Dawn said slowly as she put an arm around Buffy's shoulders, "how do you feel about her even with being all amnesia-girl?"

"I know I...feel something for her."

"Do you love her?" Dawn asked. Buffy slowly nodded her head as she lowered her eyes to the pillow in her lap. "Do you want to tell her that?"

"How?"

"I don't know how. I'm not exactly experienced in these kinds of things. Xander's the first guy I've...been in love with and it just sort of happened, as you know. I really don't need to tell that story all over again, do I?"

"Please don't," Buffy chuckled as she shook her head. "God, Dawnie, all week I've been feeling so many things and thinking about everything. Over thinking probably. Every time I just think about _her_ I..."

She wasn't sure how to put how she felt into words that wouldn't make things uncomfortable. The things she felt whenever she was around Faith were things she didn't want anyone else to know that she felt. She was still trying to come to terms with everything she felt and thought about when Faith was on her mind. This was her one-time enemy, a woman she'd had a deeply rooted hate for, but she was beginning to see that hate was just shadowing her true feelings. She laughed at herself just thinking about it now, earning her a rather confused and curious look from Dawn.

"Let me guess, every time you see her you just want to..." Dawn chuckled as she trailed off, unable to even say it herself. "Have you always wanted to...you know...with Faith?"

"No!"

"Denial," Dawn coughed, giving Buffy a wink when her eyes flew open in mild surprise. "Come on, Buffy. She's hot. She's sexy. She's a little dangerous and wild and rough around the edges. She's also very sweet."

"Sweet? Are you sure we're talking about the same Faith?"

"She's also got a big heart, but you couldn't possibly see that because you haven't given her the time of day since you've been back. I don't know how you two bonded before or how you lost that stick up your butt, but I do know that you need to find a way to get back to that point. You both need it, Buffy. You both are feeling the same things right now: Lost and alone. You need to find each other again and work through whatever you need to work though together."

"Again," Buffy sighed out, wishing she could let that sink in. She was dancing between the line of believing it and not with one little thought or emotion pulling her to one side or another. "I don't know if I should tell you this, but..."

"You can tell me anything," Dawn said with a warm smile as she gave Buffy's hand a squeeze. "I won't say a word to anyone else, either, if you don't want me to."

"I've been having dreams and I had a...flashback, at least that's what I think it was. I don't know, Dawn. It's all so confusing to me right now. I just want to curl up in bed and hope that when I wake up this will have all been some really strange nightmare."

"What part?"

"My whole life," she said under her breath as the tears sprang to her eyes. "I just can't deal anymore, Dawnie."

"You can," she assured her as she moved closer to her and wrapped her arms tightly around her. "You can deal with anything, Buffy. You are stronger than you think you are even if you don't feel like you are. I'll tell you as many times as it takes for you to believe that you are not alone, that you never have been and that you never will be."

They held onto each other for the longest time before Dawn pulled away, telling Buffy she would come back later and talk some more if she was feeling up to it. She left Buffy sitting there alone, hugging her pillow, tears staining her cheeks and her thoughts completely consuming her mind.

She'd basically admitted to her own sister that she loved Faith. It didn't make her feel any better about it either. She could still feel the seething anger coursing through her every time she just thought about her, but it was less now, much less than it had been just a few hours before. It didn't help that whenever she closed her eyes all she could see looking right back at her was Faith, that look of hurt and longing showing so clearly in her eyes. It hurt since she knew exactly how Faith was feeling. She was feeling it too, but she wasn't even sure if it was their connection that made her feel what Faith was feeling or if it was something else. She did know just from that look in Faith's eyes that it touched her deep down inside, deeper than her heart and possibly as deep as her soul.

She cringed as she thought about how much of a bitch she'd been around Faith all week. Even with their past, Faith really didn't deserve to be talked to and treated the way she'd been treating her. Like she didn't matter. Like she was nothing. She knew Faith was everything to her. Faith did matter despite the past; people did change, and even through her doubt she felt it ringing true deep in her heart that Faith had changed from the woman she used to know. She held back her tears as she got up from the couch and headed out of the room, letting the connection she shared only with Faith pull her, lead her.

They had to talk. She couldn't sit there and let her thoughts consume her and drive her insane without talking to Faith. They had to start somewhere, even if it was from square one. They had to get past everything that they'd been through, together and alone. As much as she didn't want to, as hard as it would be, she knew she had to. She needed to apologize to Faith for the things she'd said to her recently, for telling her she wasn't wanted here. It wasn't entirely true, even though she certainly meant it with complete conviction during those anger-fuelled outbursts.

She wandered the corridors through the castle, following her connection she felt with Faith as it grew stronger, sending tiny shock waves through her body until she had to stop and breathe in deeply to try and control her now shaking, shuddering body. She opened the door to the balcony and stepped outside. Faith was leaning against the railing with her back to her. She didn't flinch when Buffy stepped outside nor did she even bother to turn around to look at her. She didn't need to see Faith's face to know that she'd been crying.

She wanted to reach out to her, pull her in close and hold her tight. She wanted to tell her that no matter how much had gone on over the last week, the last several months and years, that somehow everything would be all right. But she didn't. She couldn't. She still felt so far away even if Faith was right there in front of her.

"What do you want, Buffy?"

Her voice sounded so hopeless, so broken, and it tore Buffy apart inside, causing her own tears to well up in her eyes. She watched as Faith took in a deep, shuddering breath before she lit a cigarette, still keeping her back turned to her.

"I wanted to talk."

"So did I, but you missed your chance when I wanted to talk earlier, B. Don't feel like talking right now."

"Faith, I..."

"Leave me alone," she hissed out, followed by a small strangled sound. Buffy knew Faith was trying valiantly to hide the fact that she was crying.

"Faith, would you please listen to me?"

"No. Just go away. Please, B. I'd kind of like to be alone right now."

Buffy sighed out softly as she turned and opened the door. She wasn't going to push Faith to talk to her. She didn't want to fight with her either. She just wanted to let her know how she felt, but it'd have to wait. She couldn't force this on her terms like she'd always done in the past. She had to wait until Faith was ready to hear everything she had to say. She only hoped that somehow Faith knew what she felt and that she was ready to let it all out.

That she was ready to let Faith know that her heart belonged to her, to share with her this newly found realization that it always had and always would.


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy stood in the doorway of the training room. It was after midnight and she knew that Faith would be down there just as she had been every night for the last seven nights. She hadn't gone down there to talk to Faith, she just wanted to watch her for a little while. After the day she'd had, no, the week she'd had, she just needed to see. To absorb.

All afternoon and most of the night she'd spent in her room, sitting on the couch and holding the plush pillow close to her chest. She thought. A lot. She also felt a stream of new feelings course through her the more she let down her walls and accepted, finally, how she felt about Faith. Over the years she'd occasionally come close to giving in to the way she felt and admitting it to herself, but it was different now. Faith was there, in her life, whether she wanted her to be or not, and she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon from the looks of things. Faith had been there for her even if she didn't remember.

She didn't need memories to remember how it felt. She knew that now. Slowly she was beginning to let herself just feel and the more she did, the more drawn in she was becoming to Faith. But she still felt so far away from her and not just in the physical sense. She felt so far away on an emotional level, a level she knew they had shared once or twice before and she never thought much of it. She sure was thinking about it now. It was all she could think about. As much as she wanted these thoughts out of her head, she knew they'd stick there until she dealt with it. With Faith.

"You gonna stand there all night, B?" Faith asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"No."

"You wanna spar for a little while?"

Buffy raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk dancing across her lips as she walked into the training room and over to Faith. It felt like far too long since they'd sparred together and her body was just itching for it. Faith had always been the only one who could keep up with her, test her limits and push her to the edge.

"You wouldn't by any chance rather talk, would you?" Buffy asked as she moved to stand near Faith, the candles she had lit and placed on the floor around her illuminating her face.

"Nah. Got some frustration I gotta work out, you know?"

"Yeah. I know."

Buffy pulled off her sweatshirt and tossed it onto the mats. She was definitely up for some sparring. She hoped that she'd be able to keep her anger and emotions in check, knowing it wouldn't be easy with the adrenaline pumping through her veins. It'd be intense, it'd be full of unresolved sexual tension, and she was looking forward to every bit of it. It had been far too long since she'd just let go and let herself loose.

"We should probably set some ground rules," Faith said warily as they moved to the mats in the center of the room. Buffy just placed her hands on her hips and gave her an incredulous look. "I don't need to end up in the infirmary for a couple days, you know?"

Buffy laughed as she dropped her hands from her hips. "Just sparring, F. We're not fighting to the death or anything here."

Faith chuckled softly as she stretched out a little and fell back into a fighting stance, daring Buffy with her eyes to make the first move. They began circling each other slowly, and even in the dim light from the candles Buffy could make out the look of anticipation in Faith's eyes. She could see how tense her body was, how much she wanted this, how much she craved this. Buffy took a step forward, smirking as Faith darted to the left before she could throw a right hook her way. She knew how fast Faith was, but it'd been years. Already, from the look of things, Faith was better, faster than she remembered.

They both stared at one another intensely as they continued to circle each other. The only sound in the room was the heavy breathing coming from both of them as they tried to figure out the next move. Buffy ignored the chills that ran through her body when she watched Faith slowly lick her lips. One second of being distracted was all it took; she found herself flat on her back with Faith standing over her, smirking as she held out her hand to pull her up. Buffy swatted her hand away as she swept her legs around and took Faith down.

"Fuck," Faith muttered as she laid there. "Sneaky, B. Really fucking sneaky. You aren't gonna play fair, are you?"

"Never do, F."

Buffy offered a hand, and was mildly surprised when Faith took it and allowed herself to be pulled up from the mats. They circled each other a few times before they fell into it, every punch and kick blocked by the other, perfectly in time. Buffy had to hold herself back and it was a struggle. She wanted to just let go completely, and had to keep reminding herself they were only sparring. The look in Faith's eyes told her she wasn't the only one struggling to hold back.

Buffy dropped her hands and took a step back. Barely had they been into it for ten minutes and she could already feel the tiny beads of sweat rolling down to the small of her back. She was aware they were being watched; she'd seen Giles come in and stand in the far dark corner shortly after they'd started. She was fairly sure Faith had no idea he was in there, or if she did she made no notice of it as she swept Buffy's feet from under her and pinned her down on the mats.

"Never play fair, B. That word doesn't exist between you and me."

Faith's lips were inches from her own and she held her breath, acutely aware of every inch of Faith's body on her own. Her hands were pinned down at her sides and she tried to use her hips to propel Faith off of her, but she didn't budge, only biting her lip and stifling a moan as she rolled her hips into Buffy's and kept her pinned to the mats. Buffy's heart was racing wildly as she searched Faith eyes. She knew exactly what Faith was thinking, it showed so clearly in her eyes and the way she bit her lip as she stared down into Buffy's eyes. Faith wanted her and she was doing everything she could to fight it. She tried again to get Faith off of her and this time she managed to send Faith flying backwards.

They were back on their feet in half a second, their breathing heavier now as they once again began to circle each other. Out of the corner of her eye Buffy saw Giles slip out of the training room. She knew he'd come to check in on them, to make sure they weren't trying to kill each other. At least that's what she was trying to convince herself of. She was about to continue when Faith held up her hand, signalling a time out. She rolled her eyes and dropped her hands to her sides. Faith said nothing, didn't even look at her, as she walked to the small fridge and pulled out two cold bottles of water and tossed one her way. She knew from the way Faith was acting that their little sparring session was over.

With a shrug, she took a sip of her water, grabbed her sweatshirt, and slipped it on. She opened her mouth to say goodnight to Faith, but she was already back at the punch bag, lost in her own little world. Buffy let out a soft sigh as she turned and walked out of the training room, stopping when she reached the door to look back at Faith for a moment. Whatever was going through Faith's head, it was tearing her apart and for once Buffy could sympathise with the pain she could feel coming in waves from her even now.

She was still itching for more, her body craving to move in ways she hadn't allowed it to for far too long. It wasn't too late to head out on patrol. She made a quick run up to her suite and changed out of her sweats and into something more suitable for slaying. She grabbed her stake and a knife that reminded her of Faith every time she looked at it, slipping out unseen and unheard to quickly make her way to the cemetery about two miles away.

The night was quiet and that frazzled her nerves. A quiet night meant there was something bad, something evil lurking about and it wouldn't be long before she stumbled upon it. She spotted Kennedy and a handful of the younger slayers deep in the cemetery and she did her best to slip past them without being noticed. Her gut was telling her to stick with them, to protect them, even though she knew they were prepared to face just about anything. She kept her distance, keeping an eye on the girls while trying to feel out anything that was lurking about. She could feel that buzz in her body that told her there was definitely a vampire not too far from her position in the shadows of the trees. She knew who it was before he even made his presence known.

"Buffy," Angel said softly as he reached out for her hand and pulled her out of view completely. "What are you doing out here?"

"I'd ask you the same thing."

"I'm keeping an eye on them," he replied as he motioned towards Kennedy and the girls. "Haven't seen you for a couple of days. How are you holding up?"

"Barely."

Angel raised an eyebrow, stepping closer to her as he let go of her arm. "If you need to talk to anyone..."

"I don't," Buffy snapped, keeping her voice low. "I don't need to talk to anyone. I may be just barely dealing with this, but I can handle things on my own."

"Can you?"

"Been doing just fine all week."

Angel looked at her, not believing her for a second. Buffy hated the way he would look at her and just know when she wasn't telling him everything. She hated the way he would look at her, with the same kind of longing in his eyes she'd been seeing in Faith's all week. With Angel it was expected, and even though she'd thought they had moved on from it, she knew deep down Angel still loved her and wanted her even though he couldn't have her. Just the thought of it now made her skin crawl and definitely not in a good way.

They began to walk as Kennedy and the girls moved from their positions. Neither said a word to each other and they didn't look at one another. Buffy wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep from shivering in the cool night air. They came to a stop, keeping themselves hidden in the shadows of the trees as Buffy felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"We got company," Angel said under his breath as they watched seven vampires head towards Kennedy and the girls.

"Stay back. They need to prove they can handle themselves."

"And if they can't?"

"Then we'll step in and take care of it."

"Buffy, we need to talk about what happened," Angel said as they both kept a close eye on the fight. "You need to understand what happened to you."

"What part? The whole me turning into a vampire with a soul part or the whole me falling in love with Faith part?"

"All of it," he said softly as Buffy turned to look up at him. "Even before that. I know you don't remember and you don't want to believe what happened really did happen and I can't tell you everything since I came here just a couple of days before Willow turned you back..."

"You do have a point, don't you?"

Angel chuckled softly as he nodded his head. "I promise I do have a point."

"I don't think now is the time to talk about this, Angel."

"Why not?"

Buffy pointed out three of the vampires that had broken away from the group and were headed straight for them. "That's why."

She really let herself go, staking the first easily and taking on the second, pounding him with her fists until he lay motionless on the ground beneath her. Angel was struggling with the other, but she wasn't worried about him. Angel could take care of himself. Over and over she let her fits hit the vampire's face, fury and anger flashing out of her with every punch she threw. Angel grabbed onto her and pulled her off of the vampire, quickly staking him before spinning to face her. He was angry, confused, and she could swear she saw a hint of worry in his dark eyes. She brushed off the dirt on her pants, then picked up her stake from the ground and slid it into the inside pocket of her jacket. She barely looked up from the ground before she saw Kennedy heading straight for her.

Kennedy was angry and she could see it before the punch was thrown. What she didn't know was why. Kennedy had always been a tough one to figure out ever since she'd first come into all their lives back in Sunnydale. Willow loved her, which meant she had to tolerate her, and she managed that just well enough to get along with her. Barely. She let Kennedy get her hit in, but before the second could come she blocked the punch and grabbed onto her fist hard. Kennedy winced in pain as she pulled her hand from Buffy's tight grasp and took a couple of steps back.

"You feel better now?" Buffy snapped. "And what the hell was that for?"

"You know what that was for," Kennedy said through clenched teeth.

"I really don't."

It suddenly came to her, though. She and Kennedy had gotten into it quite some time ago over her tagging along on the nights Kennedy would lead the girls on patrol. Always watching, always waiting for her to slip up. She knew Kennedy was strong, stronger than most of the girls, but not as strong as she was. She knew Kennedy could watch her own back, but she always had a lingering doubt in the back of her mind that one day she'd slip up and get herself or the girls killed because she was careless and distracted.

"You keeping tabs on me again, Buffy?"

"Honestly, I wasn't," Buffy said as she held up her hands, trying to calm down an argument she knew she couldn't just walk away from. "I just came out here to patrol on my own and I was trying to stay away from you and the girls. Don't you think coming over and punching me in the face is a little irrational?"

"Maybe, but since when do I follow _your_ rules?"

"They aren't mine, they are just common sense!"

"Ladies," Angel said calmly as he stepped in between them. "Kennedy, take the girls and do a sweep around the north end. I need to talk to Buffy alone."

Kennedy groaned in frustration as she turned and stormed away. Buffy heard her order the girls to follow her and she only rolled her eyes as she walked over to a bench at the side of the path and sat down. She ran her fingers delicately over her jaw where Kennedy's fist had connected with a solid right hook. It hurt, not a lot but enough to cause some discomfort. Angel hesitated for a moment, pacing in front of her for a couple of seconds before he sat down next to her.

"What's that all about?"

"Kennedy being Kennedy," Buffy muttered in reply. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Just this stupid thing that's been going on for a couple years now. I don't trust her out here alone. She's careless."

"She's not. I've been watching her all night."

"Yeah, I get that," Buffy breathed out as she ran her hands through her hair. "I don't even know why I can't just accept the fact that she's turned out to be a better slayer than I thought she'd be. I guess I really have been too wrapped up in my own little world to notice anything or anyone else lately."

"We all have moments like that in our lives, but that isn't what I wanted to talk to you about," Angel said as he placed a hand on her shoulder, pulling away quickly when she shot him a glare. "I know it's hard for you to deal with what happened since you can't remember any of it."

"That's not true."

"No?"

"No," she said as she shook her head. "There have been...dreams and I uh...had a flashback. Nothing major."

"Of you being a vampire?"

"No. Of me and Faith."

She bit back a laugh at the look of disbelief on Angel's face. What she wouldn't give to know what he was thinking about. She leaned back on the bench and closed her eyes, trying to tune out everything around her and focus just on her breathing. It always worked in the past to keep her calm, to keep her thoughts and emotions in check, but it'd been harder than it ever had been over the last week. She felt the tears suddenly stinging her eyes as she slumped forward and buried her face in her hands.

"It's hard, Angel."

"I know. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. You have to understand that you suffering from amnesia is probably for the best. I don't think you'd be able to live with yourself if you remembered how it felt to have the bloodlust running through you, consuming you and controlling you."

"Why couldn't I just not remember that part?"

"I don't know, Buffy."

"I've never felt so confused in my whole life than I have this past week. Just this morning all I wanted to do was kick Faith's ass, tell her as I've been telling her every day to get the hell out of my life. But..."

"Something changed?"

"I started thinking," she replied and she laughed at the look on Angel's face. "Yes, I know. Dangerous when I start thinking and over-thinking everything."

"We don't have to talk about this if you don't feel comfortable."

"Angel, we're talking about this whether I feel comfortable or not," she laughed as she tried not to think about how awkward this conversation really was. But she did need to talk about it, and since the one person she wanted to talk to about everything wasn't willing to, she'd have to settle for talking to Angel right now. "What?"

"Nothing," he smirked as he stared long and hard at her. "Was thinking about the time you talked to me about being cookie dough. Kind of feels like that night, don't you think?"

"I still feel like cookie dough," she said under her breath. "Nothing has changed since then. Kind of pathetic, isn't it?"

"No," he said with a soft smile. "You just haven't found what you're looking for."

"I think I have."

"Faith?"

Buffy nodded and sighed out loudly as she stood up and began pacing around in front of him. "It's crazy, isn't it? All these years she's gotten under my skin and I can't get her out of my head and I really didn't stop to think about the reasons why. Not until earlier today. It all kind of makes sense to me now."

"Maybe."

"No 'maybe' about it, Angel. God, I just...wish it was less confusing!"

"So do I. I hate seeing you both having to go through this. I can feel the pain Faith is going through ever since you were turned back and I can feel the conflicting feelings coming off of you even now. It's never easy for you two and sometimes I wish just for the sake of both of your sanity that it could be. Have you tried to talk to her?"

"We've been dancing around it. Same old song and dance. You know how it is for us. She wanted to talk this morning, I didn't. I wanted to talk this afternoon, she didn't."

"You've got to give her some space, Buffy. You need to understand what she's feeling right now after everything that has happened. She put her heart out on the line, gave it to you. She loved you, and when you..." he sighed as his voice faltered and Buffy knew just how hard it was for him to be talking about this. She knew it was hard for him because she knew he still loved her. It was something that would never change between them no matter how much time had passed by. "She needs to be approached carefully, Buffy. You can't force her to talk or to deal and move on from this."

"I know."

"She's been through a lot in her life. Too much for someone who didn't deserve to go through half the things she's had to deal with. I don't know what you know, seeing how you can't remember, but I can tell you that she's broken inside, Buffy. From the things I've heard, when she came here to be there for you, she was just as broken as you were. You two somehow found a way to heal, to deal and move on together, and now it's back to where it was before it all went down."

"I want to remember. I need to remember everything," she said under her breath, mostly to herself as she continued pacing in front of Angel. "I really hate this. I hate how I can't stop thinking about her. I hate that I love her, that I'm _in_ love with her. And I can't believe we're actually talking about this!"

She was shaking as she stopped pacing and tried to calm herself down. Why did admitting how she felt for Faith come so easily now when she was struggling with it and denying it not even twenty-four hours ago? She knew it had to have a lot to do with that flashback and the things she'd felt in the brief seconds that it had lasted. She clenched her fists and breathed out heavily, fighting back her tears yet again as she sat back down on the bench next to Angel.

"I don't...I don't even know who I am anymore," she cried as she buried her face into her hands. "I never asked for this. I never asked for any of this! Just for once I'd like to know what it feels like not to have the weight of the world resting on my shoulders. For once I'd like to know what it feels like not to feel so lost and alone. I'll never get there, will I?"

"I don't know, Buffy. If I had the answers I'd tell you and help you find your way. I still want to help you, be here for you any way that I can and that you'll let me be."

"I'm just so tired of feeling this way."

"I know," Angel said softly as he pulled her in close and wrapped his arms around her. "You're strong, Buffy. You've always been strong. You need to find that again inside yourself and use that to get through all of this."

She said nothing more as she let Angel hold her for a little while. Even though it was Angel, it just felt good to be held by someone that cared, by someone that loved her, even though she could only return that love as a friend and nothing more. When she felt his cold lips place a gentle kiss on the top of her head, she pulled back and laughed bitterly as she slid down to the opposite end of the bench.

"Angel I...I don't feel that way about you anymore."

"I know," he replied awkwardly as he stood up and slid his hands into his coat pockets. "Just thought you needed to feel and not just hear that someone does care, that you aren't as alone as you feel."

"Thank you."

Although it hadn't been what she was looking for, it did help a little. She shivered as the air got colder, and she said goodnight to Angel quietly before she made the trek back to the castle alone. It gave her too much time alone with her thoughts and she let them consume her to the point she took a wrong turn in the woods, veering off unrealized from the path she knew would lead her home. She'd been walking for nearly an hour when she realized she'd made that wrong turn and that she was lost. She didn't panic, she never panicked, but she didn't like not knowing where she was or being so out of it she hadn't realized where she was until it was too late.

She looked around her, hoping for some sense of direction. She went back the way she'd come, but the trees and the rocks and the bushes she passed didn't look familiar at all. Even though she'd been trying to backtrack her steps, it was becoming obvious she hadn't come this way. Keeping her cool and trying to calm down her nerves, she stopped in the middle of the path and closed her eyes. She needed to find her center, find a way to calm herself down and just go home. She saw flashes of light from behind her closed eyes, and when she opened them she saw two dark figures walking her way.

She turned around and saw three more coming from behind her, a handful more to the right of her. She was afraid to turn to her left since she knew she was surrounded now. Surrounded by a pack of vampires, who were without a doubt thanking whatever god or demon they decided to worship that day, cornered and in her most vulnerable state. She reached into her jacket for her stake, wrapping her fingers firmly over the polished wood as she watched the vampires closing in around her carefully, ready for whatever they'd do next. She was always ready even when she doubted herself. She'd been doing this for half of her life and even though she hadn't been doing it much lately, it was just like riding a bike.

"Slayer," one of them growled as they all closed in around her, giving her no way to escape without fighting her way through them. "Lose your way, did you?"

"Does it matter?" Buffy asked, trying to keep her voice steady and full of confidence even though she could feel the hand gripping her stake shaking uncontrollably. "Why do I get this feeling of déjà vu right about now?"

"The other one killed our brothers," the same vampire growled as he stepped closed to her. "We've come for revenge."

"Revenge? Great!" Buffy laughed as she shook her head. "Don't you guys _ever_ come up with something new?"

"Watch your mouth, Slayer. You have no idea who you are speaking to."

"Actually, I do. I'm speaking to a future pile of dust."

Buffy felt every muscle in her body tense as the vampires moved closer to surround her. She could fight her way out, but she knew she didn't have a chance in hell getting out of there alive if she tried. There was no other option, though; it was either fight or surrender and let them do as they pleased. Gripping her stake firmly in her hand, she pulled it out of her jacket and plunged it into the first and closest vampire, the one who spoke to her. The others growled angrily as they watched their counterpart turn to dust and it was on.

The first few were easy, they were weak and they weren't prepared to fight her as well as they probably thought they were. She was down to about thirteen or so, she estimated, as she took off running down the path, hoping to get far ahead of them and find a place where she'd only have to take on a few at a time. She could fight her way out of this if she kept her wits about her. She stopped at the first bend in the path, panting as she struggled to catch her breath. She was out of shape and it was showing now. She cursed under her breath as she fumbled around in her jacket looking for her cell phone. She needed backup and she needed it ten minutes ago.

Three of them were close behind and she didn't have any time to make the phone call for help. Her cell phone was knocked from her hands as the tallest, heaviest set vampire of the three tackled her to the ground. She struggled to get him off of her and barely managed to move quickly enough to plunge the stake into his heart before he got the chance to sink his fangs into her neck. She jumped to her feet, eyeing the two vampires that stood ready and waiting for her. It was only then that she realized they had a plan of attack. They were testing her, pushing her to her limits and wearing her out much faster than she normally would tire. She backed up a couple of stepped and found herself pinned against the tree.

"What you gonna do now, Slayer?"

She shivered as the blond-haired vampire strolled up to her and grabbed the stake in her hands, crushing it as he tore it away from her. He grabbed her hands and pinned them to her sides as he leaned in and took a deep breath, his nose grazing along her neck.

"So sweet. I can smell your fear, Slayer," he purred as he licked along her pulse point causing her to shiver in disgust. "Our master will be quite pleased to know what we have to offer."

Buffy groaned as she kneed him in the stomach and tore herself away from his iron grip. "You can tell your master to go fuck himself."

The vampire laughed as his partner moved quickly to grab Buffy before she could slip away. "Now, now, be a good little Slayer and behave. I'm sure after the little incident you had with our brothers you wouldn't want to have that happen again, would you?"

Buffy shook her head no, unable to find her voice as he held her tight and forced her to start walking. She tried to breathe under the tight hold the vampire had over the back of her neck, but it was hard when he had one arm wrapped around her upper torso, crushing her and making it impossible to take a deep, much needed breath. She glared at the other vampires as they caught up to them and she tried to keep her eyes from closing, close to passing out from the lack of oxygen. It was a struggle and she was nearly at the point of begging them just to kill her.

She knew whatever was waiting for her wherever they were taking her would have her on her knees, begging for them to end her life. A day ago she'd been ready to die for her own reasons, for hating how lost, lonely and unloved she felt. She'd be begging now for a quick death. Vampires never took a slayer captive unless they had something planned. Torture and a long, painfully slow death. Sacrifice.

A cluster of rocks appeared ahead of them and she was led in through the mouth of a cave and down a winding set of stairs. The vampire loosened his grip just a little, and she gasped as she took in a few deep breaths. As pungent as the air was, it was still a welcome relief. Her eyes grew wide as she saw a handful of humans, no more than a dozen, chained to the walls, some dead, some on the verge, some standing there shaking in fear at a nightmare coming true. She was led to the middle of the open area and pushed down to her knees.

"You're just lucky these aren't my favourite pants," she muttered under her breath as she felt them tear at the knees.

"Silence," the vampire that had dragged her there hissed as he grabbed her by the hair and forced her to stay where she was.

She knew he expected her to jump up, trying to fight her way out and run. These weren't just any vampires. They had a mission, a plan, and they were smarter than most of the ones she'd run into since coming to Scotland years ago. She tried not to show how weak she felt, how vulnerable she was in her conflicted state. She cursed at Faith for getting under her skin and in her head the way she had, wondering if she didn't let it get to her if she would have even found herself in the position she was now in. She groaned as the vampire jerked her head back and forced her to look up at him at an angle that was painful.

"My master will be quite pleased what we've brought," he snarled as he knelt down behind her and moved his lips to her ear. "She's always wanted a pet slayer."

"Fuck you," Buffy spat as she threw her head back. His head was hard, but it wasn't as hard as hers, and he went flying back, growling out in pain as she got up to her feet and reached for the knife in the holster around her left leg. "Shit."

It was gone. She was weapon-less and surrounded by a cave full of vampires, most of which were feeding on the humans chained to the walls. In the flickering light of the flames from the many torches and candles that illuminated the cave, she could almost feel the fear, anguish, and death surrounding her. Before she could make a move, two of the vampires had moved in and grabbed her arms, dragging her over to the one empty wall. After much of a struggle and being struck with a hard, blunt object, they had her chained up, smirking at her as they stepped away and watched her struggle to get free.

Her head was pounding now, the warm flow of fresh blood stinging her eyes as it trickled down from the gash on her forehead. She blinked several times, fighting back the tears, the fear, the hopelessness she felt as she watched a tall, slim figure emerge from the shadows. The blond hair glowed in the flicker of the torches and the candles and she held her breath, blinking several times and willing herself to wake up from this nightmare.

It was no nightmare. The pain was too real. What she saw and smelled was far too real. And the woman standing in front of her...was all too real, even though she couldn't quite make out her face, hidden as it was behind her hair and the dancing shadows.

"Now this is a pleasant surprise," she said, a smile curling across her lips as she held up a knife, Buffy's knife, and gently trailed the tip of the blade over her jaw. "I heard you gave my boys quite a task in bringing you here."

Buffy groaned as she felt the knife slice shallowly into the skin just below her jaw and she snapped her eyes open, fighting back the pain and the shock as she stared into the cold, lifeless blue eyes that were mere inches from her own.

"Dr. Sonia?"


	3. Chapter 3

She was strong. Stronger than she believed she was. Stronger than she knew she was. Over and over she repeated it in her head, forcing out the pain of the unrelenting torture that Dr. Sonia was unleashing on her. She had no idea how long she'd been down there. It felt like days when for all she knew it could have just been hours.

Dr. Sonia. The woman who had been the doctor for all the slayers since the day they all arrived in Scotland. Buffy couldn't believe the woman had betrayed her like this. They had all trusted her, brought her into the fold. The sting of betrayal hurt more than the unrelenting torture she'd been put through already. She opened her heavy lidded eyes and looked around the cave. Only two torches burned now and there wasn't a single vampire in sight. The cries of anguish from some of the humans still chained to the wall, the ones that were still alive, rang loudly in her ears, even long after there was silence.

She tugged on the chains, feeling them give just a little, but the rough metal dug into her raw wrists causing her to yelp out in pain as she slumped against the wall. She could hear voices coming from a far corner of the cave, but the voices echoed off the walls, distorted enough that she couldn't make out a single word that was being said.

She was beginning to think that falling into these situations was a part of her fate. No matter what she did, somehow she ended up in a situation she couldn't get herself out of until it was almost too late. That feeling of déjà vu was strong now and she closed her eyes, willing herself to remember even though she knew she wouldn't be able to. How could she remember everything that had happened when her mind was convinced it never happened? She groaned as she tried to move her arms, her shoulders in a painful position with her hands being chained above her head.

The tears started. Tears she'd been holding back since Dr. Sonia came out of the shadows and used her own knife on her. The deepest cut was just above her left breast and she could still feel the slight trickle of warm blood running from it and soaking her tattered shirt. She had to be strong. She had to hold it together. How could she hold it together, though, when she was falling apart?

She opened her eyes when she heard soft footsteps coming down from the mouth of the cave. She held her breath, waiting to see who or what was coming. She could only faintly see the sunlight coming in and down the twisted spiral of stairs and she knew it couldn't be any of the vampires or Dr. Sonia. She held her breath, waiting as the dark figure stepped down the last step and took a look around the cave. She was trembling now, forcing back the tears and holding back the pain she felt all over her body. She struggled to make out the figure's face, but in the dim flickering light and the blur of tears, she couldn't.

"Buffy?"

"Xander?" She let out a sigh of relief, but it wasn't long before the relief was flooded with fear. "What are you doing here?"

"Saving you," he whispered as he moved quickly to her. "What the hell is going on?"

"Dr. Sonia," she barely managed to get out. "She's behind all of this."

"Don't talk," Xander said as he tried to get her out of the chains. She winced in pain with every slight movement of the rough metal against her skin. "Tell me everything after I get you out of here, okay?"

She looked up at his hands as he tried to pick the lock on the chains. Her legs were shaking, about to give out on her, and he let out a soft sigh as the lock broke open and Buffy fell forward into his arms. She felt like this was too easy, far too easy, but she didn't fight it as Xander gently picked her up in his arms and made his way quickly and quietly across the cave. She closed her eyes, the pain becoming too much to bear even though her entire body felt numb, and she didn't open her eyes until she felt the warm sunlight on her skin.

"She okay?"

Faith. Buffy tried to smile, never knowing how comforting hearing her voice could be. She couldn't quite manage it, though, letting the tears fall as Xander placed her gently down on the soft ground. He took his jacket off and tried to slip it on her without causing any more pain than she was already in.

"She's in rough shape," Xander whispered as he stood up and looked back at the mouth of the cave. "We need to get out of here. Now."

Faith knelt down next to Buffy and gently picked her up, holding her close as she and Xander started walking quickly down the path. Any other time Buffy would have hated how weak she felt, but right now she didn't care. She nuzzled her face into Faith's neck, breathing in the soft, soothing scent of her. If she wasn't feeling so weak she could probably enjoy the tingles that ran through her body being held so close to Faith. She wasn't even going to bother trying to deny it. There was no point in fighting what she knew was real, what was right.

"Hold on tight, B," Faith whispered as she kept a hold of her as she began running, "got a few demons after us."

"Huh?"

"Just hold on," she said sharply as she ran off the path through the woods, dodging the trees until she leapt over a rock and they slid down a short embankment. "Xander, you alright man?"

"Five by five," he muttered as they lay low in the soft cushion of leaves. "I knew it'd be too easy. They were waiting for this. Always underestimate them. Always."

"You got her out," Faith said softly as she kept her arms around Buffy. "It's all that matters. We'll deal with the rest of it, but right now we need to get her back to the castle. She's hurt pretty badly."

Buffy could feel herself slipping in and out of consciousness now and she struggled to stay awake, to keep her eyes open as she laid her head on Faith's shoulder. She had her eyes closed, but she wasn't out yet and she could feel Faith's fingers as they checked her for broken bones. The electric shocks running through her body felt too good and she wanted more, needed more, but now was definitely not the time for that.

"Nothing is broken," she whispered as she moved Buffy a little out of her arms. "Lots of cuts though. Shit. What'd they do to you, B?"

"Dr. Sonia...it was her."

"No shit?"

"She...they called her their master," Buffy whispered as she opened her eyes to look up at Faith. "Couldn't...fight."

"Shh," she said soothingly as she pulled Buffy close to her again. "Don't talk, B. Not until I get you somewhere safe."

She felt safe in Faith's arms, crazy as that registered in her mind. She closed her eyes again, sighing out softly as she tried to drown out the ghostly screams of the others that had been there in the cave with her. She tried not to cry out in pain as Faith moved to get up, but no matter how much she tried to hold it back the pain was just unbearable. She started crying again, soaking Faith's neck and the collar of her shirt with her tears. She hated this. She hated feeling so weak, so vulnerable. She felt Faith give her a gentle squeeze as if she was trying to reassure her everything would be all right even if it didn't feel like it would be.

She knew she'd passed out on the long walk back to the castle. She drifted in and out of consciousness even when she felt Faith lay her down on the bed in the infirmary, more out than in, but still aware of her surroundings. Aware of Faith refusing to leave her side as Willow checked her injuries. The only thing she could feel now, over the shocking numbness the pain was causing her, was the feel of Faith's warm, strong hand in her own.

The fresh memories of what Dr. Sonia had done to her were too fresh. They made her sick. They made her angry. She should have fought. She could have fought, but instead she gave up and gave in. She was tired of everything, tired of her life and every turn it took. Tired of how even when she gave up she failed at doing that too. She felt Faith intertwine their fingers gently and she let out a half-choked sob as she squeezed her hand.

"It's all right, B."

"No, it's not all right, Faith."

"You're safe. All that matters."

Buffy opened her eyes, her vision blurred by the tears. "Can you...will you stay?"

"Not going anywhere," Faith whispered softly, and Buffy could see the faintest of tears in her eyes before Faith quickly wiped them away. "Never gonna go anywhere. Gonna stay here as long as you need me to and as long as you want me to."

A silent thank you slipped past her lips as she gave up on trying to stay awake. That feeling of déjà vu was stronger now, leading a flood of memories coming into her dreams. Dreams of pain, of Faith being there, of much needed laughter shared with Faith as she laid there on the bed in the infirmary. Dreams of seeing love in Faith's eyes, the desire, the longing, the need. Dreams of Faith's lips upon her own, giving her everything from tender, loving kisses to those hot, wild kisses that even in her dreams made her body yearn for Faith.

Dreams that quickly turned to nightmares, to flashbacks of recent memories and ones she wasn't even sure were her own. She woke up, forced herself to wake, and she gently squeezed Faith's hand that was still in her own. The pain was a little less and it was dark outside now. She knew then that she'd slept most of the day away and the warm hand in her own told her that Faith had stayed there with her the whole time.

She let go of Faith's hand, watching as she slept in the chair next to the bed for a moment before she began to examine the damage to her body. It wasn't horrible; it was painful, but it was nothing that wouldn't heal within a couple of days. She sat up slowly, stretching out her tired and sore muscles, feeling every bit of pain with every movement. It took a bit of effort to get up from the bed before walking slowly over to the window, watching as lightning zigzagged across the sky to the north as an approaching storm began to roll in.

The day had gone by so quickly, but with what she'd been through she was partially thankful it did, and didn't feel like the longest day of her life. With every roll of thunder she'd look back over at Faith, studying her in the darkness of the room before she let her eyes drift back to look out the window at the storm raging outside. She just wanted everything to be easy for once. She just wanted to go through one day without feeling conflicted, without feeling pain. She just wanted to know what it was like not to feel so lost and alone. She wanted to be loved and to love and she wanted that to be with Faith. Nobody had ever gotten under her skin quite the way that Faith always had, and she knew that nobody ever would.

She had to stop thinking about Faith and about herself. Dr. Sonia was their enemy now and she should be thinking of ways to bring her down. She had a small army of vampires that were much stronger than the normal breed of vampires. They were also smarter, quicker, and had easily overpowered her as if she was nothing more than just a normal weak human.

The escape had been too easy and she knew it had to have been a part of the plan, whatever the plan was. If Dr. Sonia didn't want her escaping the cave, it wouldn't have been so easy for Xander, of all people that could have came in to save her, to walk in there and walk back out without facing Dr. Sonia or any of her minions. She ran a hand through her hair, feeling it tangle where the blood had dried. She craved a shower, possibly a nice, long, hot bath, but she couldn't move from the window, her eyes firmly trained on the raindrops as they fell against the glass.

She lowered her head a little and sighed as she backed away from the window and spotted a fresh change of clothes sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked down at the clothes she was wearing, dirty and stained with her own blood, and slowly began to peel off her tattered shirt, feeling the pain in her shoulders as she pulled it over her head and tossed it to the floor. She checked herself as best she could in the darkness, running her fingers over the deep and shallow cuts. They'd stopped bleeding, the shallower cuts already closed up and healing. She pulled the sweatshirt on, sighing as she bit her lip at the pain she felt shooting through her body with every move she made.

She unzipped her jeans, then paused when she could feel Faith's eyes fall upon her, watching her. She shakily slid her jeans on down, holding back the whimper of pain as she stepped out of them and tried to quickly pull on the sweatpants. She hated feeling so weak. It was destroying her. Ruining the chant she had going through her head before that she was strong, stronger than she thought and believed she was. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked back at Faith, watching her as Faith kept her eyes firmly locked with her own.

"Feeling a little better now, B?"

"A little bit."

"Pretty fucked up how this almost happened again, huh?"

"Yeah," Buffy sighed out as she turned her head away from her and looked down at her hands folded across her lap. "It makes me wonder what I've done to deserve all of this."

"Shit happens, and you don't _deserve_ any of this," Faith said quietly as she got up from the chair and sat next to her on the bed, keeping her distance as if she was unsure of how Buffy would react. "Gonna give 'em all what they got coming to 'em for pulling this shit with you."

"There were others in there, people I mean."

"Yeah?"

Buffy nodded her head as she heard those anguished cries echo through her mind. "Most of them were dead when I was brought down there. A few more were brought in, two of them were drained and the other two were chained up to the walls."

"What's your take on all this?"

"Dr. Sonia has betrayed us all, turned into one of _them_ and I don't know why. One of the vamps that grabbed me and dragged me there said something about you killing their brothers."

"Fuck," Faith said under her breath as she balled her fists up tightly. "This is a vendetta, B. I know you don't remember, but their 'brothers' nearly killed you once. I fucked their shit up, dusted every last one of them. It's me they should be after, not you."

"Faith..."

"You're the bait," she said shakily. "I know what they're doing. You are the bait, Buffy."

"I don't..."

"How do you attack a slayer? You go for the weakest point. Guess in my case my weakest point is you. You're also my strongest point so I'm not so sure how that all balances out," she said, stifling a laugh as she shook her head. "Better go and find Giles, talk to him about this. Got a funny feeling shit is gonna hit the fan soon and it isn't gonna be pretty."

Buffy played with the silver thumb ring, running her fingers over the 'B' that was engraved into it. She knew it belonged to Faith, which was actually why when she'd found it she'd kept it for herself. In some weird, oddly comforting way, it made her feel close to Faith, somehow connected in a way. She hadn't taken it off since the day she'd found it out in the corridor after the last time Faith and Robin had been there at the castle. At least she hadn't taken it off as far as she remembered. It felt like a part of her too, just one little piece of jewellery that was like a security blanket of sorts.

She watched as Faith stood up from the bed and looked down at her, hesitating for a moment before she turned and walked out of the infirmary. Buffy sighed as she sat there for a moment, trying to absorb what was really happening, before she got up, picking up her tattered, torn and bloody clothes and making her way to her suite. It was rather late and the castle was quiet, much to Buffy's relief. There was an overwhelming feeling as she walked through the corridors; she had an ache, not a painful ache, but something deeper urging inside of her.

The dream she'd had of Faith, before it'd turned into a nightmare, was replaying itself in her head, making that deep down ache that much more intense. She knew it was wrong to want that relief after everything that had just happened. She knew she'd feel guilty, dirty even, if she relieved the tension now. But the stress was building in her and she needed the release no matter how bad the timing was. She chuckled to herself as she walked into her suite and dropped her clothes to the floor. A nice hot bath was looking better by the second as she stripped out of her clothes and walked into the bathroom, wincing as she rubbed the back of her neck.

She ran the water in the tub, watching it as it slowly filled. She felt too tired, too tense, too worked up to answer the insistent knocks that came on her suite door. When the knocks stopped she climbed into the tub, leaning back as she closed her eyes and let the water soothe her aching body. She saw images of what happened in the cave, of what Dr. Sonia did to her while she'd been down there. She breathed deeply, relaxing, and slowly they faded as she reached up with her foot and shut the water off. Images of Faith fluttered to her mind, filling her, consuming her and allowing her the chance to just forget about everything else for the moment.

She wanted to feel Faith's lips against her own, and these were the first images that came to her mind. The way Faith would trail her tongue over her bottom lip when she was nervous or thinking made the butterflies in Buffy's stomach dance around excitedly. The dreams and memories wouldn't come close to the real thing, but it was all she had for the time being. She trailed her fingers over her breasts slowly under the water, thinking of how addictive it'd be to kiss Faith, to take that bottom lip between her own and suck it and hear her moan. She could only imagine how those lips would feel pressed against her skin as Faith's undoubtedly talented fingers trailed down her body, touching her just right.

Whether what she was feeling in this moment was lost memory coming back to her or just a fantasy she'd finally allowed to come out, she was thankful for it either way. She knew from the burst of arousal running through her body that she'd get the release she was looking for if she just let herself indulge without guilt, without doubt. She trailed her fingers over her stomach, feeling the deep and shallow cuts and the burn of pain as her fingers brushed over them ever so lightly.

Taking in a deep breath and swallowing the pain, she moved her fingers lower, allowing those images of Faith to continue as she relaxed in the hot bath. She could still faintly smell the soft scent of Faith. A mixture of cigarette smoke, a hint of perspiration, of the shampoo she'd used that morning that smelled like fresh wildflowers on a hot summer day, and something else she just couldn't quite put her finger on. She ran her tongue over her dry lips as she dipped her fingers lower, sighing out softly as she rubbed gentle circles over her sensitive clit.

She fell into another flashback then, the hot water of the bath fading away, feeling nothing more than Faith's body against her own, Faith's lips kissing her with wild abandon as they thrust hard and fast into one another. She could feel Faith's fingers inching their way between their bodies and dipping down into her dripping cunt, filling her with two long fingers as she felt herself quickly approaching orgasm. She blinked and found the flashback had faded away, her own fingers driving up hard and fast inside of her now and the only sound she heard was the slight ripple of the water and her breath hitching in her chest.

"Oh fuck," she groaned under her breath, feeling her orgasm already barrelling through her body, much quicker than she'd expected.

Her heart was racing and it was all she could hear as she came hard and fast, images of Faith flickering behind her closed eyelids as she stilled her fingers and relaxed once again in the bath. She'd gotten the release she'd been craving, but it hadn't been enough. It was never enough. It'd never be enough. As her heart slowed back to normal she heard the insistent knocks on her suite door yet again. She didn't want to move, it was still difficult to move, but she did anyway, pulling the plug as she stepped out of the tub and slipped on her robe.

She made her way out of the bathroom and towards the door. The knocking had stopped, but the buzz in her body told her that Faith was standing out in the corridor. She felt a surge of fresh arousal shoot down to her clit as she licked her lips and tried to erase the images she'd been having as she fingered herself in the bath just minutes before. Fighting back the blush she knew covered her body she unlocked the door and opened it slowly, breathing in deeply as she looked at Faith pacing back and forth in front of the door.

"Sorry if I, uh...interrupted anything," Faith muttered as she stopped pacing and looked over at Buffy. "Giles isn't around and I'm..."

"It's okay," Buffy said softly as she stepped back and motioned for Faith to come inside. "You weren't interrupting anything really."

Faith looked her up and down, smirking as she made her way over to the couch and sat down. "You look like you're feeling a little better. Did that bath help?"

"Huh? Yeah," Buffy nodded as she made her way to the closet, not feeling quite comfortable being around Faith wearing just a robe and nothing else. "Helped a little. Feel a little less tense."

"I bet."

There was that smirk again. Buffy turned her back to Faith, smiling a little at how that smirk had made the butterflies in her stomach flutter. It was entirely different now that she'd just accepted how she felt about Faith. She was starting to really fall for her, even more so than she'd already fallen. How deep that was at this point she wasn't quite sure, but she wasn't going to stop herself from feeling the way she was. There was no way she wanted to go back to feeling so conflicted.

"Been one hell of a long day, huh?" Faith asked as Buffy disappeared into the walk-in closet. "Feels like it flew and yet it didn't, you know?"

"Yeah."

"Feel like taking me up on that offer to talk?"

Buffy poked her head out the door and nodded her head. "Sure. Just give me a minute, all right?"

"Got all night. Feeling kind of wired after this morning."

"Makes one of us," Buffy chuckled as she quickly got dressed and stepped out into the room.

She tossed her robe onto the bed, then walked over to the couch and sat down on the opposite end. She turned so she was facing Faith fully, watching as she stretched out, kicked her boots off and propped her feet up on the cluttered coffee table. She was trying to read Faith, trying to figure out what was going through her head. Faith wasn't making it easy, her face completely deadpan as she stared straight ahead, seeming wholly absorbed by the hole in her sock where her big toe poked through.

"So what changed, B?"

"What do you mean?"

"Couple days ago you were this huge bitch to me and now..."

"Now I'm not?"

"Yeah," Faith shrugged as she wiggled her toe and laughed a little. "Swear to god sometimes I feel like I've stepped in the twilight zone whenever I'm around you. I keep trying to forget what happened between us, you know? Mostly cos you don't remember what happened and all that shit."

The hopelessness in her voice shot through Buffy worse than the pain she already felt in her body. Faith was refusing to look at her too, still staring at her toe poking through the hole in her black sock. Buffy let her eyes drift over Faith, drinking her in. She laid her head against the back of the couch, smiling a little as she watched Faith fidget with the hem of her faded Led Zeppelin t-shirt. She knew Faith was feeling a little nervous just being near her, a drastic difference from the way she'd been acting when she'd carried her back to the castle and spent most of the day holding her hand while she slept.

"You got anything to drink up here?"

"Maybe," Buffy said as she got up from the couch and walked over to the mini-fridge. She pulled out two bottles of beer and handed one to Faith as she sat back down. "Here you go."

"It's fine," Faith replied as she twisted off the cap and downed nearly the entire bottle in one go. "Wouldn't happen to have anything stronger?"

"No."

"Damn."

"You really need to drink to talk to me?"

"Takes the edge off," Faith shrugged. "You make me nervous, Buffy. I'll admit that much."

Buffy raised an eyebrow at that, already knowing she made Faith nervous. She'd seen it all week and she'd also seen a lot of other things she was just now starting to accept. She slid closer to Faith, staring down at the unopened bottle of beer in her hands then back over at her. Faith's hand was shaking slightly as she drank the rest of her beer and leaned forward to put the empty bottle on the coffee table next to her feet. Buffy said nothing as she twisted the cap off her bottle and handed it to Faith, trying not to smile back as Faith gave her a grin and took the bottle from her.

"You know something?" Faith asked, breaking the silence between them once again. Buffy shrugged, deciding to let her talk about whatever she wanted to talk about. She had to let Faith have her moment to speak before she opened her own mouth and blurted out something that would set them back. "I know we need to talk about a lot of shit, but I really don't know where to start. We've pretty much done this talking thing already and first time was pretty intense. It's different now."

"How is it different now? Because I don't remember?"

"Pretty much."

"Why is it tearing you apart so much that I can't remember, Faith?"

She watched as Faith trembled slightly and took a sip of her beer before she finally turned to look at her. "Don't really know, B. Just hate this, you know? We finally got somewhere before then it was taken away just like that. I'm not angry you're back or that you can't remember anything since Willow cured you. I wanted you back this way, I just..."

"Didn't think it'd be like this?"

"Right."

"Maybe we shouldn't talk tonight about everything that happened? I'm kind of tired and sore and angry and feeling vulnerable from what happened."

"I'm still scared that I'm gonna lose you again, B."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, but after last night and how you looked when Xander found you..." she trailed off as she choked back her tears. "Jesus, I'm way too fucking emotional these days. I used to be able to handle any kind of shit life threw my way. Just can't do it anymore, you know?"

"I know. I feel like that every day," Buffy admitted, finding a common thread that bound them together. They needed to talk, despite how forced it felt, and Buffy was surprised at how easy it'd just been to share her feelings with Faith. "This is good."

"What is?"

"Us just talking about how we feel."

Faith chuckled softly as she shook her head, her eyes locking with Buffy's in a long, intense gaze. "We'll it's definitely not like the way it's been all week, I can give you that much."

"Was it this easy before?"

"Yeah," she nodded and quickly broke their eye contact, "it was. At times."

Buffy leaned back into the couch and closed her eyes. The memories of the night before and the morning were still making their way through her mind, but it was fainter now since all she could think about was Faith. All she could think about was debating whether or not to tell Faith how she felt. When would the right time be? Was there even a point in telling her how she felt if Faith already kind of knew from before? She sighed out as she closed her eyes, her hand subconsciously reaching out for Faith's as they sat there in comfortable silence together.

"I heard you," Faith whispered. "When you were in the bath. Could feel you too."

Buffy tensed and tried to pull her hand away, but Faith kept a firm hold on it and slowly moved closer to her. "You..."

"I feel everything you feel, B. Can't you feel it too?"

"Yes," she whispered, barely loud enough to be heard. "I really can."

"I wish you'd remember the things you said to me before...before Willow changed you back. I've been holding on to them, the hope, ever since. Kind of fucking stupid, isn't it?"

"No," Buffy replied as she shook her head and relaxed a little as she let her eyes drift over Faith's face before meeting her deeply intense gaze once again. "Holding on to what hope?"

"That you'd remember everything."

"Faith, I...I kind of do, but I don't. Would kind of explain how we're not at each other's throats right now, though, wouldn't it?"

"Here I thought you just grew tired of being such a cold-hearted bitch," she said softly, smirking as Buffy rolled her eyes at her. "B, after we found out you were taken last night, I really thought that was it. That it was happening all over again. That this time you wouldn't be so lucky."

"Thank god for Xander then, huh?"

"Yeah," Faith nodded her head as she let go of Buffy's hand. "What are we gonna do about Dr. Sonia? Can't just let the bitch get away with this."

"Really haven't thought about it yet, but there's one thing I do know."

"What's that?"

"I'm going to need you in this fight. I'm going to need everyone in this fight. We're going to be at war with a small army of strong vampires and I don't know what Dr. Sonia is, but she's stronger than we think she is. I need you here in this fight with me, Faith."

"Not gonna go anywhere, B. Told you that earlier. I'll be here as long as you need me and want me to be."

"Thank you."

Buffy leaned over and placed a light kiss on her cheek, wishing she had the courage to kiss her the way she wanted to. She couldn't. Not yet. She pulled back and gave her a small smile before she leaned back into the couch and followed Faith's gaze down to the hole in her sock. They both shared a small laugh, almost as if they were thinking the same thing, which was nothing at all in particular. It was a moment, something Buffy didn't think she'd ever be able to have with Faith. Life was fast proving to be everything she thought it could never be, and Faith was already proving she was definitely not who she thought she was either.

There was no sense in wishing to get those memories back. She knew enough and had heard enough to trust what her heart was trying to tell her. Her heart was reaching out for Faith and somewhere in the haze of all the pain, the ghostly anguished cries that echoed in her mind and the blur of memories she wanted so badly to have, she could feel Faith reaching out for her as well. Just sitting there together she could feel the rest of the world fading away. They had their moment in time and it felt like this was the first time they might be about to take that much needed step forward to friendship and to wherever that would lead afterwards.

She wasn't sure when she'd closed her eyes, nor was she sure why she moved to pull Faith's arm around her as she curled up into her side, but it just felt right and she was done fighting it. Done fighting herself and done with the fight she'd been having with her heart since the day she first laid her eyes on Faith.

Faith was her one and only. She could feel that just being so close to her, feeling her arm draped around her, holding her there. She reached up and placed a hand over her heart, wanting to whisper words of her love, her true feelings, but felt them become a jumbled mess inside her brain before she could even allow them to slip past her lips. She could feel Faith reaching out to her with the same words she felt embedded into her heart.

And she knew that no matter what would come next, even through the fight with Dr. Sonia, they would explore this _something_ within each other and no longer feel so far away. At least that's all she could hope for.


	4. Chapter 4

The warm sunlight felt like heaven to wake up to. Buffy still was at Faith's side, and somehow during the night they ended up stretched out on the couch together with Faith's arms still wrapped around her. She barely moved as she opened her eyes, letting them adjust to the brightness of the sun pouring in through the window. Her eyes fell upon the faintest scar on Faith's neck and she couldn't help herself as she brought her hand up and delicately ran her fingers over it. It was her mark. She just had that feeling as she touched the soft, warm skin around it.

She wanted to kiss her, to wake her up with the softest of kisses. She wanted to stare deep into those eyes that seemed to burn into her own whenever she found herself in their intense gaze. She could feel her heart begin to race as she moved her fingers away from Faith's neck and placed a light kiss over her mark. She could feel Faith's arms hold her just a little closer, a little tighter as she pulled her lips away from her neck, lifting her head up to watch as Faith opened her eyes.

"Morning," Faith whispered, her voice raspy and her accent thicker than she'd ever heard it before.

"Morning."

"Hope it was okay that I stayed."

"It's fine."

"Shit, what time is it?" Faith asked, making no effort to move and keeping her arms around Buffy as she closed her eyes.

"After eight," Buffy replied as she took a quick glance at the clock. "It's Saturday. We don't have anything to do until the afternoon."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you always just do whatever you want to do these days?" Faith questioned as she looked at Buffy, a small playful smirk dancing over her lips. "Saturday or not, B, been sticking to a strict training schedule these days. I should keep up with it."

"You wouldn't rather spend the morning just like this? With me?"

"I would, I do," Faith nodded as she slowly ran her hands down Buffy's back. "This is definitely nice. Doesn't help the feeling I got of impending doom though."

Buffy couldn't help but chuckle a little. "You think I'm going to turn around and kick your ass for waking up like this?"

"Something like that."

"Well, I'm not."

"Good."

Faith gave her a small smile before she slipped out of her arms and got up from the couch. She stretched out before she grabbed her boots and slipped them on. Buffy could only watch her as she made her way to the door, not stopping to turn and say something even though Buffy knew she wanted to. She could feel how conflicted Faith was feeling and she was without a doubt feeling her own set of conflicted feelings. She waited until Faith had left her room before she got up from the couch and began to pick up the clothes still scattered on the floor.

There were a lot of things she still just didn't understand. Things that felt natural, like falling asleep in Faith's arms like they did it every night. Things like freely admitting, mostly to herself, how she felt about Faith when just a few days before all she could think about was how much she hated her and wanted her gone, out of her life for good. A part of her was saying not to try to understand it and to just go with what she felt was right. That was the thing, though: She wasn't even sure what was right. All she did know was she felt safe and not lost and alone all night. It'd been far too long since she'd felt that way and she didn't want to lose that. She didn't want to lose Faith either and she was afraid of pressing her into something more so soon.

She focused on cleaning the mess throughout the suite, hoping it'd help her take her mind off of everything. It did quite the opposite and no matter what, all her thoughts came barrelling back to Faith and how she felt about her. This was worse than the time when she'd been sixteen and had fallen hard for Angel. The feelings were at least as intense, maybe more so, than what she'd felt back then. They were real, too real, and she couldn't get her mind off of how she felt no matter how hard she tried.

Three hours later she had the suite spotless. She stood by the window and took a look around, satisfied with the improvement. She'd never been a messy person, but the past week she just hadn't cared. It always came in waves with her as well, just like most things in her life. She shrugged it off, picking up the few dishes from the coffee table and heading downstairs to the kitchen.

The kitchen was busy and crowded with a bunch of the younger slayers making lunch, laughing, and generally just hanging out, doing what they always did. Nobody made any notice to Buffy as she placed the dishes in the sink and got herself a cup of coffee, not even looking at her as she walked out of the kitchen and followed the rhythmic sounds of fists against the punching bag. She'd grown used to the sounds of Faith working the bag over; it was almost comforting, mesmerizing to her. It was music to her ears, so to speak.

"Buffy, could we talk?" Willow asked softly as she walked up to Buffy before she could reach the training room doors.

"Sure, I guess," she shrugged as she turned to look at her. "Talk about what?"

"About what happened with Dr. Sonia? Giles asked me to come find you. We're going to have a little meeting in his office. Do you know where Faith is?"

"In there," Buffy motioned towards the training room. "I'll get her and meet you in Giles' office in a few minutes, alright?"

Willow nodded and walked away without saying another word. Buffy knew she was feeling guilty about what had happened to her and for her bout with amnesia. She wanted to tell Willow she forgave her, but she knew deep down she really hadn't gotten close to forgiving her for putting her through all that she had. She took a sip of her coffee, fighting back the tears that suddenly sprang to her eyes as she walked into the training room and straight over to where Faith was.

She stood there for a moment, just watching the perfectly timed and fluid movements of her hits and kicks against the bag. Faith was so into it she didn't notice Buffy standing there for a couple of minutes. Once she did, she smiled as she brushed away the strands of hair sticking to her forehead. Buffy let her eyes roam over Faith's body, drinking in every inch of her. It was hard not to leer a little bit with her in only a pair of sweats and a sports bra. Faith snapped her fingers, getting Buffy's attention before she grabbed her t-shirt and pulled it on.

"Was there something you wanted, B?"

"You," she stammered as she quickly looked down at her mug of coffee then laughed nervously as she looked back at Faith. "We're having a meeting in Giles' office. I came to get you."

"Right now?" Faith asked as she grabbed the bottle of water sitting on the windowsill and downed the entire thing in one go. "This about Dr. Sonia or something?"

"Yeah."

"I'm already itching to kick that bitch in the face," Faith said under her breath as the two of them made their way to the door. "She fucking betrayed all of us, you know?"

"Doesn't surprise me, though," Buffy replied quietly as they walked side by side through the corridors. "She had been here since we came here, but I always had this funny feeling something wasn't quite right with her. Always just thought it was because she rubbed me the wrong way."

"She seemed all right," Faith shrugged as they climbed the stairs slowly. "A little stuffy, but then again most doctors are, aren't they?"

"Yeah."

"You aren't all wigged about this morning, are you?"

"Me? No," Buffy said quickly as she shook her head. "Definitely not wigged out by this morning at all. Are you?"

"No."

She felt the hesitation in Faith's voice, but she shrugged it off as they approached Giles' office and walked in. Faith took a seat on the couch near the window and Buffy stood by Giles' desk, looking down at the books and the papers he had out in the open. He looked tired as he glanced up from the book he had open in front of him and she knew he'd been up all night trying to find answers. Answers as to why Dr. Sonia had turned into whatever she was now and why she had betrayed them all without much of a reason.

"What's the what, G?" Faith asked, breaking the silence in the room. "You find out anything?"

"I have," he replied as he closed the book and stood up from his chair. "I have found a connection between Dr. Sonia and Victor. It seems the two of them had been working together and now she's continuing on without him, trying to find other ways to bring you down, Buffy."

"Why me?" Buffy asked as she leaned against the desk and took a sip of her coffee. "There are all these slayers now and I'm always the target. What, do I have this big bulls-eye slapped across my forehead or something?"

"We don't know why," Giles replied as he slipped his glasses off and wiped them with the white handkerchief he pulled from his pocket. "We need to find out is why Dr. Sonia was working with Victor in the first place."

"You don't think she is the reason Buffy and Victor..." Willow asked, her voice trailing off as she moved to stand next to Buffy. "I know this is hard to hear, Buffy, but we all kind of thought Victor was..."

"I know," she said sharply. "I was too blind to see it in the beginning. You know me. Stupid Buffy always falls in love with the ones who end up being evil."

"Satsu wasn't evil," Willow said softly.

"I didn't love Satsu. I used her. There's a big difference."

"So what are we going to do about Dr. Sonia, then?" Xander spoke up, feeling the need to break the tension that was quickly growing between Buffy and Willow. "We thought that Buffy was bait to bring Faith there, but if she was really bait, don't you think Dr. Sonia and her minions would have stopped me from just walking out of there with her?"

"It's not that simple, unfortunately," Giles answered after a moment. "It does seem that Dr. Sonia has a vendetta against Faith for taking out her first...ahem, army. It's just another piece to the puzzle we'll need to figure out before it's too late."

"Giles, should we..." Willow said softly as she turned to look at Buffy. "It was her who switched the blood."

"When?"

"When I did the spell to heal you that turned you."

"Oh right. That."

All eyes fell upon her then and she sighed as she drank the last of her coffee and calmly placed the empty mug on the desk. The only pair of eyes she felt burning into her was Faith's and she found herself gazing across the room at her, watching as a stream of endless emotions played out over her face. It was heartbreaking to see that look of longing in her eyes, especially now that she had finally accepted what she felt about Faith. She had to stop thinking about that. They had a serious situation on their hands that needed to be dealt with.

"So, what is she?" Buffy asked when nobody said a word. "Is she a vampire, a demon, what?"

"We're not sure," Giles replied. "She may be some sort of demon goddess, but everything I've found so far has been sparse on the crucial details. Andrew has a few volumes with him in Italy that may give us some answers."

"So? What are you waiting for? Get them."

"He's on his way right now."

"I offered to bring him here quicker, but he hates teleporting," Willow said with a soft chuckle. "You know how he is."

"What's the plan then?" Faith asked. "We're just gonna do what, sit here and research and hope to hell Dr. Sonia doesn't get to us first?"

"For now, yes," Giles nodded.

"I say," Faith said as she stood up from the couch, "we find the bitch and bring her down. Smack her around a little. Could be fun."

Buffy sighed out and shook her head no. She knew as well as the others that they just couldn't charge off and fight Dr. Sonia. There was more than what met the eye and they needed to figure it out before they went after her. The vampires that had surrounded her and brought her to the cave were also stronger than what she was used to fighting, and they'd have to bring them down before they could go after Dr. Sonia. She let out another sigh as she crossed her arms over her chest and looked around at the others. She had to come up with a plan; it was what the others were waiting for. She'd been out of the game too long, though, and nothing she thought of made much sense. She knew she'd only end up leading them all into a trap.

"There is one thing I don't understand," Buffy said softly as she looked over at Giles. "All these years and we find out now that the enemy has been in our fold? Shouldn't there have been signs that pointed this out?"

"There certainly should have been signs and if there had been we all were blind in seeing them. Now if it's not too much to ask, I'm going to need you to tell me everything that happened the other night."

Buffy nodded and watched as Willow, Xander and Faith got up to leave the room. She waited until a couple of minutes had passed before she began at the beginning of the night. From the conversation she'd had with Angel, to the fight, to Kennedy decking her and her walking back to the castle feeling lost and then actually becoming lost in the woods she thought she knew better than the back of her hand. Of course Giles has his own theories of how she actually became lost and even she knew that anything was possible. There was still so much they didn't understand about the world, about the mystical boundaries the earth was treading on.

They talked about Buffy's experience, her lack of memory and how that all was playing a part in what was unfolding now. More and more it seemed as if everything was connected in one way or another and that nothing that had happened was a coincidence. She was beginning to understand everything, more so than she did just a day before. She was beginning to truly accept what she was being told: That she had been a vampire with a soul and that she'd truly, deeply loved Faith with all that she had. She could feel it in her, reaching to her, but there was something there that was still blocking those memories.

It felt like far too much time had gone by since the last time she and Giles really talked. She knew how withdrawn she'd become over the years and how much she'd pushed them all away. She found it rather pointless now to apologize for that too. She knew they were all fully aware of what she'd been going through, understood as well as was possible, and weren't going to question it or push her to talk about it. It was one of those great little things she loved about them all, especially about Giles. They just knew.

"We'll get through this, Buffy."

"I know, Giles," she said with a forced smile. "We always get through everything, together and alone, don't we?"

Giles gave her a hug and she sighed softly as she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him back. "Stay strong."

"Always try even when I don't," she chuckled as she pulled away from him. "So, Andrew is coming back?"

"Yes. Just for a little while. We can use all the help we can get right now. He's more than willing to stay for as long as it takes. Angel as well."

Buffy grabbed her empty coffee mug and headed for the door. She turned and mouthed a silent thank you before she walked out of his office and headed for the kitchen. She needed more coffee. She was becoming dizzy with all the thoughts running rampant through her mind, and one cup of coffee was definitely not enough caffeine for her to fully process everything with a clear head. She was trying to fight off the worry she had, worry that they wouldn't be able to take down Dr. Sonia anytime soon. The ominous feeling that they were about to walk into something none of them were prepared to face was looming in her mind.

She let out a breath of relief when she found she was alone in the kitchen. She needed the silence just as much as she needed to be alone right then. She let her thoughts drift back to Faith as she poured herself a cup of coffee and walked to the tall window, staring outside. She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering how amazing it'd felt to wake up in Faith's arms. It was something she never thought would be the way it was. She never thought she'd ever feel so deeply for Faith either. It was funny, but comforting, how everything was turning out. No matter what else was happening, or how far away from Faith she still felt at the moment, she and Faith _were_ growing closer together.

She felt a slight blush creep over her cheeks as she thought about the night before and the thoughts she'd had of Faith while she'd been in the bath. Faith knew what she'd been doing and even though she hadn't too blatantly pointed it out, it was bothering her. On what level it bothered her, Buffy had no idea and she wasn't about to go and find out just now either. She let herself drift back into her thoughts, still processing the things she and Giles had talked about.

He knew how she felt about Faith. She'd told him the things she'd been feeling over the past week. It'd come so easily, the words of the love she knew she had for Faith and Giles had only smiled warmly, an understanding and accepting smile. There'd been a sense of relief too, mostly on her part, for finally just letting those thoughts come out. They still consumed her, now more than ever and she knew she'd have to tell Faith, make her understand how deeply in love she was falling for her.

She left the kitchen then, fully determined to find Faith and just talk to her. They'd made a lot of progress the night before and that morning, but it wasn't enough. They still had a long way to go. She focused on the connection she always felt with Faith, hoping it'd lead her to the other slayer. The pull was subtle yet strong. She made her way through the castle and came to a stop outside of Faith's room. She raised her hand to knock on the door, but then instead placed her hand flat against the soft wood and listened. She could feel Faith in there and only faintly could hear her as she moved around in the room.

"Faith?" Buffy called out quietly as she tapped on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Door is open, B."

Buffy took a deep breath before opening the door and walking inside. The room was dimly lit, the sun now lowering in the sky barely making its way through the window. Faith stood by it, a cigarette dangling from her lips and a bottle of whiskey, nearly empty, in her hands.

"Are you drunk?"

"Nah," Faith said as she shook her head, "this bottle is from the other day. I know what you're thinking. Just needed a bit to calm myself down. This whole thing with Dr. Sonia is getting to me. Just want to go out there and bring the bitch down."

"Oh. I thought...never mind."

"Isn't always about you, Twinkie."

"Wasn't trying to make it about me, but whatever, Faith. I came up here to talk to you."

Faith motioned to the chair near her and Buffy walked over and sat down. "So talk."

She looked away from Faith, hating hearing the bitterness tear at the edges of her voice. She knew she wanted to talk to Faith about how she felt. The only problem was she just wasn't sure where to start.

"Have you been talking to Giles this whole time?" Faith asked quietly, taking a long drag of her cigarette as she looked down at Buffy. Buffy only nodded in reply. "You gonna tell me what you two talked about?"

"Everything."

"Meaning? Come on, B. Work with me here. You came up here to talk so that means you do the talking thing."

"We talked about the situation with Dr. Sonia, and then about what happened to me and the things I can't remember. Then I uh...talked about you."

"What about me?"

"You know how I feel about you, don't you?"

"I know how you _used_ to feel about me," Faith pointed out. "Since you can't remember, I'm starting to get used to the fact that we're back at square one all over again."

"But I..."

"You can't love me now, B."

"Why not?"

"Dunno," she shrugged. "Few days ago you couldn't even stand to fucking look at me. What changed, Buffy?"

"A lot of things," she replied. "Mostly letting my thoughts wander and finally accepting how I really feel about you."

"And how would that be?"

Buffy sucked in a deep breath as she kept her eyes locked with Faith's. "I think you know."

"Maybe, but it'd be nice to actually hear the words too."

"I..." Buffy shook as she tried to let the words come out. It had been so easy to talk to Dawn about this, and even to Giles and Angel. It was a whole new ballgame when it came to facing Faith and telling her straight out how she felt. "I'm falling for you. I have been for a long time."

"You sure about that?"

"Do you think I'd be here right now talking to you about this if I wasn't?" Buffy asked, feeling a surge of anger bubbling from deep inside of her at how Faith was putting up walls around her, making it impossible for Buffy just to talk to her. "I woke up this morning feeling better than I ever felt in my life and I know it's because I woke up with you. I don't know what changed or why it's happening now, but if everything happened the way everyone has been telling me, it's not completely impossible, right?"

"What did everyone tell you about what happened? They tell you I used you? Led you on? Fucked you because I knew you wouldn't remember?"

Buffy stood up quickly and slapped Faith across the face. "What the hell is wrong with you? Nobody has said those kinds of things about you, Faith!"

"This has been fucking hard, B. After what we had together and having it ripped away from me, well I think it's a damn good excuse for me wanting to protect myself from getting hurt again!"

"You really did love me, didn't you?"

"I still do!"

Buffy took a step back, shaking as she tried not to let her tears fall. She was tired of crying, tired of feeling so conflicted. She just wanted to end that and try to move on, whichever way that was. "Why are we even fighting over this?"

"Don't know, B. Nothing we ever do makes any fucking sense half the time. You spent all these years not wanting to have anything to do with me, then I get a phone call in the middle of the night from Giles telling me I'm needed here because you tried to get yourself killed. Do you know how many nights I'd spent lying awake and doing nothing but thinking about you, wondering about 'what if', daydreaming that things had ended up differently between us? I don't even know where we went wrong! Everything felt like it was finally gonna be okay after Sunnydale, but it wasn't!"

"I don't know either."

"This is bullshit."

"Why are you so upset, Faith?"

"Cos right when I thought that for once in my fucked up life I could be happy, even as fucked up at the whole situation was, it was taken from me just like everything else! I just want what we had back."

Buffy's heart was breaking as she watched Faith slump against the wall and let the tears flow freely. Buffy took the bottle from Faith's hands, placing it with her cup of coffee on the windowsill. She then took both of Faith's hands in her own as she stepped closer to her, invading her personal space and not caring if Faith reacted badly to what she was about to do.

"Buffy, just tell me how you feel right now," Faith whispered as she shook slightly, leaning as far back into the wall as she could as Buffy moved closer. "Just tell me straight up how you feel about me. I need to know."

"I love you," she said so softly she could barely hear the words herself. "I've been fighting it for so long, Faith. I can't do it anymore. I can't fight how I feel about you. I gave up trying to push all my feelings down the other day. I'm in love with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled, moving even closer to her so their bodies were nearly flush against each other. "It's never going to be easy between us, I know that and I know you know that too. I know what happened before; I might not remember it, but I feel how real it was between us. I feel it every day. I feel it right now."

"What do you feel?"

"A connection," she said softly as she slowly inched her way to Faith's succulent lips. "Something deep that's pulling us together, something that always has pulled us together. I don't know how to explain it, and I don't want to question it anymore, because right now all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you."

"What's stopping you?"

"Nothing. Not anymore. Never again."

Her heart was racing as she let go of Faith's hands, and she could feel Faith's heart beating just as quickly as her own. She ran her hands up Faith's arms slowly, feeling her shiver and tremble under her touch. Their lips slowly met and it burned through Buffy, a pleasurable burn of passion that she'd craved for so long to feel. She could feel Faith holding herself back and she wasn't having any of it, not now. She pulled her away from the wall and began to slowly make her way back towards the bed, pulling Faith with her, not letting her pull away or back down now. They both needed this. Buffy could feel it in Faith and she knew Faith needed it just as badly as she did.

Faith finally gave in, parting her lips as she surrendered herself to the kiss, to Buffy. They kissed long and deep and slow, but when Buffy tried to pull Faith down on the bed with her Faith stopped and pulled away, gasping for breath as she kept her arms wrapped firmly around her.

"B, we can't...I mean, we have but right now we...too fast," she stammered, trying to catch her breath as Buffy's eyes searched hers, looking for reasons why she was holding herself back. "Just take this slow, for me?"

"How slow?" Buffy asked, wanting to ask her why she was so into taking things slow. This wasn't the Faith she knew, though the more she thought about it the more she began to realize she never actually _knew_ Faith, she'd only just assumed she did. "Faith?"

"Just slow, okay? Been hurt already when everything went and changed on me, on us. I don't think I can deal with that again so soon."

"I'm not going to hurt you, Faith."

"Tell that to my heart."

Buffy smiled a little as she pulled Faith back in for a kiss, stopping when their lips barely brushed against one another's. "I won't hurt you. I won't let that happen this time."

Buffy kissed her softly at first, feeling Faith grow tense as she pulled her down onto the bed. She wanted to respect Faith for wanting to take things slow, but taking it slow was the furthest thing from her mind. She stopped questioning why she was doing this. She knew it felt right, it was what they both wanted, and that's all that mattered. It didn't matter that they should be taking it slow and focusing on the situation with Dr. Sonia instead of each other. It didn't matter that Buffy couldn't remember from before, she wanted to make new memories and just live in the now instead of always living in the past.

Faith was still hesitating, just a little less than she had at first. She moaned into Buffy's mouth as Buffy ran her hands down her back and slipped them under the edge of her shirt, raking her nails lightly over the smooth skin of Faith's lower back. She wasn't going to press for more, just kissing Faith was satisfying her, sparking the flame deep within her she hadn't felt in a long time, if ever. Faith was shaking still, just a little, and Buffy knew she was nervous about what was unfolding between them. She tried to soothe her nerves, pulling away from the kiss for a moment just to look into her eyes.

"We'll get there," she promised as she gave Faith a gentle kiss and smiled, trying to reassure her. "I can't promise you we'll get there slowly because I'm getting all sorts of addicted to kissing you."

"Oh yeah?" Faith grinned as she ran her hand down the length of Buffy's body and came to a rest on her hip. "Addicted, huh? Is that a fact?"

"Definitely."

"Feels kind of wrong sharing something like this with you, having a moment to ourselves when we should be worried about what's really going on around us. I want to do the right thing, but right now I'm asking myself what the right thing is."

"What do you think the right thing is?"

Faith shrugged as she let her fingers trail over the skin just above the hem of Buffy's jeans. "Don't know, B. I honestly don't have a fucking clue. This has been one fucked up week, I'll tell you."

"You're telling me," she chuckled as Faith moved to lay next to her. "And it's okay to have a moment where it's just you and me. I think sometimes you just need to _be_, you know?"

"Yeah," Faith nodded as she leaned up and smiled down at Buffy. "I just want you to remember and it's killing me that you can't. Then I look at what just happened between us, how it kind of feels the way it'd been before, and I wonder if maybe this might be better. It might be better just to start all over again."

"Where are we going to start?"

"Right now I'm thinking we could start with more of this whole kissing thing," Faith grinned as she slowly licked her lips. "Then I think we should talk."

"And then?"

"Not sure yet," she chuckled softly as she leaned in to kiss Buffy. "We'll figure it out when we get there, alright?"

Buffy nodded, biting back the words she wanted to say right then. She wanted to talk and leave more kissing for later, but she had a sinking feeling that the talk between them would be long, it would be intense, and walls would be built back up around them that would cause them both to shut each other out. She sighed out contentedly as Faith lips crashed against her own. Whatever they'd deal with they'd deal with it when it came. All she wanted to do now was become lost within Faith.


	5. Chapter 5

First night of snow and yet it wasn't cold. Buffy ran through the cemetery, chasing down two newbie vamps that had gotten the upper hand on two of the younger slayers she'd gone to supervise on patrol. Faith was close, barely a step behind her, and they both leapt forward and tackled the newbie vamps, staking them before they hit the ground.

"Doesn't that remind you of the old days, B? Synchronized slaying?" Faith chuckled as she got up and helped Buffy to her feet. "These newbie vamps around here are sure jazzed, aren't they?"

"Yeah," Buffy breathed out as she smiled at Faith and brushed the vamp dust and snow from her clothes. "Let's get the girls and do a quick sweep before we call it a night."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Faith?"

"Yeah, B?" Faith asked as she stopped walking.

Buffy blushed a little, feeling like a silly and hormonal teenager just wanting to jump Faith right then and there. The hour or so that they'd spent in Faith's room just kissing had her worked up and she wanted more. It was more than just that, though. It was the way Faith looked as the soft snow fell from the sky. It was how she was still breathing heavily from the slay and the way she just looked at Buffy like she was about to pounce. It was the memory of those strong, soft lips and the way Faith flicked her tongue against Buffy's lips that had made her moan.

They hadn't gotten to the talking part as of yet. Their make-out session had gotten interrupted by Giles asking them to fill in for Kennedy that night on patrol. There was no explanation as to why, but Buffy didn't care. She needed to get out on patrol on a regular basis again and she wasn't about to pass up the chance to spend as much time with Faith as she could without seeming like she was becoming clingy. She was becoming clingy. She couldn't help it. The overwhelming need to just be near Faith was already quickly becoming over the top and unbearable.

"B?" Faith laughed as she snapped her fingers in front of her face. "You completely just spaced on me. What'd you want to ask me?"

"Uh...nothing important, forget about it."

Faith raised an eyebrow before she turned and continued walking to where they'd left the girls. Buffy tilted her head to the side a little, watching as Faith walked away and taking just a split second to admire her ass in those tight jeans of hers. Oh yeah. She definitely had it bad and it was seriously getting out of her control. It was bad enough it'd taken her so long just to accept her feelings for Faith, and for her to go from accepting it to jumping face first into acting like a lust-crazed teenager was just a little too much. How could she complain, though, when she was lusting after someone like Faith? Underneath those clothes and what she knew was definitely a deliciously sexy body, there was a woman in there she couldn't wait to explore and get to know.

"B, stop checking out my ass and get your cute butt over here!" Faith called out, and Buffy felt the blush creep over her cheeks as she walked quickly to where Faith and the girls now stood.

"I wasn't checking out your ass," Buffy muttered under her breath as she stood off to the side and stared down at the snow-covered ground.

"Whatever you say, Twinkie. Alright girls," Faith said as she looked at the two younger slayers, "we're gonna do a quick sweep, then I believe there'll be a couple cups of hot chocolate waiting for us when we head back."

Buffy laughed as she saw what could only be described as child-like innocence in Faith's eyes at that moment. She was definitely not the Faith she expected her to be. The woman was full of surprises and she hoped she'd get the chance to discover all of them and soon. Buffy was all for taking it slow, but when her feelings for Faith were intensifying by the moment, there was only so much 'slow' she could handle.

"Hot chocolate?" Buffy asked her quietly as they trailed a little bit behind the girls. "They aren't twelve, Faith."

"No, but they aren't old enough to share a bottle of wine with us either. Besides, I know of a room with a nice big fireplace and a couch that has our name written on it."

"Is this going to be like...a date?"

"We're gonna talk like we said we were gonna earlier. Just thought the wine might help loosen our tongues and the fireplace might warm us up a little."

"Right. Did we...before, you know...go out and have an actual date?"

"No," Faith said quickly. "With you being what you were, kind of hard to take you anywhere. Plus you were like..."

"I was what?"

"Driven by bloodlust and the other lust. Couldn't keep your hands and lips off of me," she winked as she gave Buffy a gentle nudge with her shoulder. "Can't say I was complaining or anything, B. _That_ kind of dating I am good at. The other, not so much."

"Have you ever been out on a date with anyone before?"

"No."

"Have you ever wanted to?"

Faith laughed as she reached for Buffy's hand and linked their fingers together. "Yeah, I have actually. Only with one person, though."

"Who?"

"You," she smiled as Buffy gave her hand a tight squeeze and moved to walk that little bit closer to her. "Thought that bit was kind of obvious?"

"Not really," Buffy laughed as they followed the two girls to the front of the cemetery. "So wine? I didn't know you liked wine."

"Guess there are a lot of things you don't know about me, B."

"Well, I'd love to find out some of these things. If you'll let me, that is."

"I can tell you one thing," Faith said quietly as she stroked her thumb over Buffy's. "This whole hand holding thing? Always used to think it was for pussies. It's actually not that bad. Mostly cos you're attached to the hand I'm holding."

Buffy wanted to call her out on how adorable and sweet she was being, but she bit her tongue, not wanting to possibly piss her off if it was something she didn't want to hear. She was beginning to really see Faith as who she was in the little things she did and said. Dawn had been right when they'd talked the other night. Faith was sweet. Sweeter than Buffy ever imagined she could be. It was a far cry from the Faith she used to be so many years ago, and she couldn't help but wonder what had changed to bring that side of her out.

She had to wonder how she went from having thoughts fuelled by hatred to having thoughts that reminded her of how she'd felt when she'd first fallen for Angel. In a way it was a lot of the same. She couldn't stand him in the beginning and then it just changed. It evolved. Very much like what was happening between her and Faith now.

The walk back to the castle was quiet aside from the sound of the freshly fallen snow crunching under their boots with every step they took and the sound of the two girls ahead of them talking quietly. There were a lot of things Buffy wanted to ask Faith, and she had a feeling that she'd get the chance to tonight. The deal with Dr. Sonia was also on her mind, tearing her back and forth and making her feel slightly guilty for wanting to push it aside for the night and have her full attention on Faith. She could sense that Faith was thinking a lot. It explained the lack of words between them the whole walk back to the castle.

"So, this room," Buffy said as they walked in through the main doors of the castle. "Is it the same room I'm thinking about?"

"The one near mine," Faith replied as she shook the snow from her jacket and out of her hair. "Nobody goes in there. Giles gave me the key the other day. Just needed a place to escape and I'm not always left alone when I'm in my room. You know how everyone is here; always in your space when you need it the most and all that."

"I definitely know how that is."

"So, I hope you like dry white, it's all I could get my hands on earlier."

"Its fine," Buffy said softly as she followed Faith towards the stairs. "Are you sure this isn't a date?"

"Do you want it to be?" Faith asked, reaching for Buffy's hand as they climbed the stairs. "I mean, it's not dinner and a movie or any of that cliché shit..."

"I never liked those kinds of dates."

"Point is, and I did have a point really, I just...don't know how to go about this now. I mean, this is still very new, and even before you became amnesia-girl on all of us it was still new. I'm still nervous around you, B."

"And insecure."

"Maybe just a little," Faith chuckled uneasily. "Look, I just want to take things slow between us and if this is a date or like a quasi-date or whatever, then I just want to roll with it without any pressure, you know?"

Buffy nodded as she let Faith lead them down the corridor. She wasn't going to press the issue any further. She was a little cold now, despite the total lack of frigid cold outside with the snow and all, and she just wanted to sit in front of a fire for a couple hours, drink a little, and just talk. They needed this and she had to hope that they wouldn't be bothered at all. There was no such thing as being alone there in the castle and it was one of those things that Buffy had hated since the younger slayers started moving in to train, to learn, and to live together as one.

Faith unlocked the door to the room and held it open, waiting for Buffy to walk in first before she checked down the corridor to make sure nobody was around to see them slipping away to be alone. Buffy shivered as she walked over to the dark purple couch and sat down. The room wasn't big. There was a small window and a decent sized fireplace, no lights that she could see, and it was sparse on the furniture aside from the couch and the few bookshelves that lined the one wall. She watched as Faith threw a couple of logs into the fireplace. A couple of minutes later the fire was lit, and Faith straightened to pick the bottle of wine off the mantel along with the two glasses that were next to it.

"How come I've never been in here before?" Buffy wondered out loud as she took in the room around her, absorbed.

"Dunno," Faith shrugged. "Giles said most of the girls think it's like a supply closet or something. Come to think of it, it's not much bigger than some of the ones I've been in before."

"Spend a lot of time in supply closets?"

"Some," Faith shrugged. "A long time ago."

"And what'd you do in there?"

"You really gotta ask me that?" Faith chuckled as she popped the cork on the bottle and poured them each a glass. "Besides, like I said, it was a long time ago. Before I even came to Sunnydale."

"Oh. Well, this is kind of nice. Sort of getting to know each other in a way."

"I wouldn't put talking about past sexual experiences as getting to know each other."

"Right," Buffy said with an awkward smile as she took a sip of her wine. "You have a hard time talking about yourself, don't you?"

"Sometimes. Depends on the subject. There's a lot of stuff I just want to forget and all that. Not who I used to be."

"No. You really aren't," Buffy replied as she reached for her hand to assure her she meant it in a good way. "You said earlier about needing to talk and I want to know what it is you want to talk about."

"Everything."

"Such as?"

"Everything," Faith repeated and she let go of Buffy's hand and took a few sips of her wine. "Guess everything means telling each other stuff about ourselves we never told each other before. Just like the whole dating thing, I'm not so good on the communicating thing either."

"Maybe we don't need to talk about the heavy stuff right now," Buffy said softly as she moved across the couch to sit closer to her. "Or talk at all."

Faith raised an eyebrow, chuckling as she lifted her glass to take a sip. "Oh really?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Who are you and what'd you do with Buffy?" Faith asked, winking as she placed her nearly empty glass on the floor and reached for Buffy's, gingerly taking it from her hands and placing it on the floor next to hers. "Cos seriously, B, I don't think I've seen this side of you apart from what happened before."

"So I've had a few revelations! It's not the end of the world, is it?"

"No."

"Besides," Buffy said with a smile as she moved to straddle Faith's thighs and lightly traced the tips of her fingers over her jaw and her lips. "It's hardly fair you remember and I don't, isn't it?"

"Definitely not fair at all, B."

"So...I was thinking," Buffy grinned as she leaned in to kiss her lightly. "Maybe we could uh, you know, make some new memories."

"That was kind of fucking cheesy," Faith laughed as she ran her hands over Buffy's thighs slowly.

Buffy didn't let her say another word. She kissed her, not holding herself back. She kissed Faith deeply, feeling her moan into her mouth as Buffy slid her fingers through her hair and around to the back of her head. Faith seemed a little stunned at the intensity of the kiss at first, but when Buffy gently bit onto her lower lip she began to relax and kiss back with just as much want and need. Buffy could still feel the adrenaline from slaying pumping through her veins and she wondered, only briefly, if that had a lot to do with her being so bold in taking what she wanted.

In truth she did want more, but she only wanted to take whatever Faith was willing to give to her. She kissed Faith harder when Faith moved her hands from her thighs to her hips and around to her ass. Every inch of her was tingling from the sensation of feeling Faith's hands on her and she needed more. She craved it. She broke away from the kiss, gasping for air as Faith moved her lips over her jaw and her neck as she slowly manoeuvred them so they were lying on the couch with Faith hovering slightly over her.

She pulled Faith away from kissing her neck, wanting her lips on hers once again. She was afraid to move her hands from the vicinity of Faith's neck and shoulders. She wanted Faith to set the pace and she was okay with however fast or slow she wanted to go. She knew why Faith was holding back. She was afraid to take it too fast, too soon especially after what they'd been through and the lack of Buffy's memories of their brief, instantaneous relationship. The kiss went from ravenous to soft and sweet and Buffy felt as if she was floating. All her senses were on high alert, every inch of her body that was touching Faith fully aware and craving more.

"Faith," she whispered as she broke from the kiss for a moment, "please touch me."

"I am," she smiled against her lips as she began to move her right hand along Buffy's side, teasing the skin where her shirt had ridden up a little. "Still want to take things slow. You okay with that?"

"Yeah."

"You don't believe that I can take this slow between us, do you?"

"I do."

"Tell me the truth," Faith urged as she ran her fingers and her palm over Buffy's stomach, slowly inching its way up her shirt. "I know what you used to think of me cos of how I used to be. When we did this before...we let the rush of the slay get to us that one night."

"You regret it?"

"No," Faith said softly as she shook her head. "I really don't. I just want to do the right thing. I'm all about doing the right thing these days and right now, you know what my heart is telling me? It's telling me I gotta take this slow even if it feels like it's gonna kill me."

Buffy nodded, really knowing where Faith was coming from. She knew Faith was right. They had to do what was probably considered the right thing. Taking it slow, one step at a time. She definitely wasn't complaining, though. Kissing Faith was purely satisfying on its own. Faith laid a gentle kiss upon her lips and then sat up, pulling her up with her. Buffy smiled a little, knowing without words being said that they needed to take a breather, take a step back, drink a little more wine and get the talking deal out in the open and out of the way.

"Thanks," Buffy said with a smile as Faith handed her back her glass of wine.

"No problem," Faith replied softly. She ran her tongue over her lips slowly, eyes twinkling in the glow of the fire as she stared at Buffy. "This whole talking about everything thing; I don't know where to start, honestly."

"Me neither."

"This is kind of why I want to take things slow, you know? We got to like, get through the whole 'getting to know each other' stage. We know each other, but we don't. I want to change that cos I want to know everything about you."

"I do too," Buffy smiled as she reached for Faith's hand. "Give it time. We can't tell each other everything in one night. There's just too much."

They both laughed and settled back on the couch. Buffy curled up against Faith's side, sighing contently as Faith put her arm around her shoulders. It was relaxing just sitting there watching the fire, feeling Faith's warmth and sipping her wine. It was a far cry from what she'd imagined it'd be like to just be with someone like Faith. She'd never felt like this and never wanted to feel this way with anyone else.

****

"B?" Faith whispered as she gave her a light kiss on the forehead. "Buffy?"

"Mm?"

"It's morning."

Buffy blinked as she opened her eyes and lifted her head from Faith's shoulder. "When did I..."

"After the third glass," Faith chuckled softly. "Didn't have the heart to wake you or move you to your own bed."

She smiled up at her before laying her head back down on her shoulder. She really didn't want to move, but she knew they couldn't spend the whole day cooped up in the room together no matter how nice it sounded. She softly kissed Faith's neck before she willed herself to get up from the couch. She stretched out and groaned, still feeling the pain from the other day in her stiff muscles. Years of slaying and just years in general were starting to catch up to her and she hated feeling so out of shape. With a disgusted groan aimed at those thoughts she headed for the door, looking back at Faith for a second before she unlocked the door.

"B," Faith said softly as she got up from the couch and walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her from behind. "Thanks for last night."

"Thanks? For what?"

"Just for being here with me without any drama."

"It was nice," she smiled as she turned around and kissed her, keeping it short and sweet. "Really nice. You really surprised me last night."

"Oh yeah?"

Buffy nodded her head and gave her one last kiss before reaching for the doorknob and pulling it open. "Oh yeah."

She walked out of the room, looking back at Faith and smiling before she headed for her suite wanting nothing more than to have a nice, long, hot shower before she went downstairs to get some coffee and possibly breakfast. It was still really early and she passed only a few of the early risers on the way to her suite. She couldn't wipe the smile off of her face either, and she knew without a doubt those that she passed were wondering what was up with her. It'd been far too long since she had a reason to smile, to feel genuinely happy. Deliriously happy. She embraced that feeling knowing that no matter what, something or someone would end up stepping in and stripping that happiness away from her.

That someone being Dr. Sonia.

It'd been far too long since they all had to deal with a big bad, but she was ready for anything now. Maybe not physically ready, but she'd get there. They had an army of their own, the younger slayers in their third year proving time and again they could handle themselves. They were strong, fast, and well trained. Buffy didn't have a strand of worry when it came to them. It was the younger girls, the ones who had just arrived in the last year or so she worried about. She worried about Kennedy, too. She had a temper and a very short fuse. She was also very stubborn, at least the sides of her that Buffy had seen.

"Speak of the devil," she muttered under her breath as she saw Kennedy heading down the corridor towards her.

"Buffy," Kennedy nodded as she came to a stop a few feet in front of her. "I wanted to apologize for the other night. I had no right to punch you like that. I overreacted."

"Did Willow put you up to this?"

"No," she replied as she shook her head. "Angel and I had a talk. I've just been...all over the place lately."

"It seems like we all are."

"I've been briefed about Dr. Sonia," Kennedy said quietly as a couple younger slayers walked past them. Buffy motioned for her to follow her into her suite. They needed the privacy and she and Giles had agreed not to let the younger girls know about what was going on with Dr. Sonia until they found out more. "What do you think she's after?"

"Honestly? It sounds like revenge of some sort, but I'm not so sure. Why has she been after me for years?"

"I think she's after Faith, too."

"Why do you think?"

"Original chosen ones, why else?" Kennedy shrugged. "Will and I came up with our own theories. None of which make any sense, by the way."

"Aren't you tired of this?" Buffy asked as she walked over to the couch and sat down. "I'm tired of this. Just for once I'd like to have a semi-normal life. I don't even remember what that's like."

"We'd all like that. It isn't going to happen, though. In the years I've been here with you guys that's something I've learned, and no matter what we do there's always something else out there looking to stir up shit."

"So, what do you think we should do, then?" Buffy asked, finding no harm in seeing what Kennedy would come up with and suggest.

"I say we go after them, her army first. How many are there you figure?"

"I only saw maybe fifty down in that cave. Not sure how many more there'd be."

"There are hundreds of us here, Buffy."

She nodded and sighed as she leaned her head on the back of the couch and closed her eyes. "We're going to war, Kennedy. I don't think we're prepared to do this yet."

"We might not have a choice," Kennedy said softly as she sat down next to Buffy. "Whatever Dr. Sonia is cooking up, it's more than revenge. It has to be."

"Why does it _have_ to be?"

"Revenge is so...ancient."

"So are most vampires and demons."

Buffy shook her head, trying to find that bit of happiness she'd felt before she ran into Kennedy. She couldn't let the real world, _her_ world, bring her down. She couldn't let it. She wasn't going to let it. She was not only tired of the things she had to deal with every day, she was tired of letting herself fall into the darkness that surrounded her and called out to her every second she let her guard down.

"We'll figure it out, Buffy."

"Don't we always?" Buffy replied, the bitterness in her voice making her cringe a little. "Look, I just had a great night and this is kind of a downer talking about this. I know we can't just ignore the things that are happening, but..."

"Were you with Faith last night?" Kennedy interrupted and she smirked as Buffy slowly nodded her head. "Good. You two need to find what you had before."

"What did we have before?"

"Something real. Something untouchable. Will was kind of jealous of you two."

"Was she?" Buffy laughed, finding it unbelievable. "Why?"

"It was just...real. I don't know, souls joining and all that shit," Kennedy replied. "I think she's just jealous of what you two had because it was meant to be. As cheesy as it sounds, you two were destined to be together. It's written somewhere. Giles showed us before you..."

"Our relationship is written down somewhere?" Buffy laughed again as she shook her head. "Alright, Kennedy, I think I'm just going to shower and get some coffee, possibly even some breakfast, because what you're telling me is making absolutely no sense at all."

"You do feel it, though, don't you?"

"Feel what?"

"When you are around her," she said softly as she stood up from the couch, "you feel how right it feels with her, don't you?"

Buffy nodded her head, finally making sense of what Kennedy was trying to tell her. It did feel right, it always had felt right, and that was why she'd fought it for so long and pushed it away. She'd been afraid of giving in, afraid of what would come when she did, and afraid of herself for feeling that way about someone like Faith. She knew now what a mistake she'd made fighting it all those years. She'd denied herself a chance at happiness for far too long. She saw it now and she knew it now, especially after spending the night with her.

Kennedy just gave her a knowing smile as she got up and left the room. Buffy sat there for awhile, thinking about what she'd just been told about her and Faith. She thought back to how she'd felt a few days before, the hatred she felt for Faith and felt torn up about the way she'd treated her. She was a bitch, a downright _bitch_ to Faith, and even if she didn't feel the way she did about her now, Faith didn't deserve that at all. She didn't deserve any of the bad that had gone on in her life.

She decided at that moment that a shower, coffee, and breakfast could wait. She headed for Faith's room, hoping she was in there. Without knocking first she walked in and closed the door behind her. The room was dark, the heavy drapes closed, and she could hear the water running in the shower. She took a few deep breaths, debating whether to stay there and wait for Faith to get out of the shower or to come back later. Just as she was about to walk out of the room, she heard the bathroom door open and she turned and watched as Faith walked out.

"B? What are you doing in here?"

She said nothing as she walked over to Faith and pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss. She felt it in the kiss, she felt it with the way Faith wrapped her arms around her. She felt it when Faith's towel fell to the floor. It felt real, it was deep, and she never wanted to let go or to stop kissing her. She needed to forget about the rest of the world, and with Faith it was so easy just to slip away for a little while. It was so easy to feel a sense of normalcy with Faith's arms wrapped around her, her lips devouring her own as they took those few tentative steps back towards the bed.

"I know you wanted to take this slow," Buffy said softly as she broke away from the kiss, "but I can't take this slow, Faith. We don't even know if we'll live to see another day and with what's going on with Dr. Sonia now we might not have much longer just to _be_ together."

"B..."

"You know how I feel about you and you know that I'm sorry for everything I put you through over the years and that I'm sorry I never gave you a chance."

"Buffy..."

"I love you, Faith. Just being with you feels so right and I never knew this until the other night. I never knew how amazing and happy you'd make me feel just by holding me."

"B, you don't have to apologize," Faith whispered as she ran her hands over Buffy's arms and around to her back. "I know you don't remember, but you already apologized to me for all the wrong and the bad and the ugly that's gone on between us since the day we met and I don't think..."

"Don't think what?"

"I don't think we should be talking when I'm all sorts of naked right now," she chuckled. "I get what you're saying though, Buffy. Maybe taking it slow isn't what we should be doing even though that is what my heart keeps telling me."

"What else is it telling you?"

"Honestly?" Faith asked softly as she smiled down at her. "It's telling me to listen to my soul. You know what my soul is telling me, B?"

"To let me in?"

Faith nodded and pulled her in closer, the dampness of her skin already soaking through Buffy's clothes. "To let all of you in. I just...I need time, Buffy. I don't know how much time I'm gonna need, I just want you to promise me you'll give me that time and try to be patient. I'll make it worth it. I just need you to wait for me. Will you?"

"For as long as it takes," she whispered, feeling her heart and her soul just reaching for Faith in that moment. And she would wait, even if it was nearly impossible to resist those urges. She'd wait forever if that's what it took. She just hoped that it wouldn't take forever. She didn't want to feel so far away from Faith. She needed to feel closer to her. Closer than ever before.


	6. Chapter 6

"Buffy, are you listening to me?" Giles asked as he tapped on his desk with his pen. "Buffy?"

"Yes, I'm listening," she sighed out as she looked over at him from where she sat on the couch. "What did you say again?"

"Dr. Sonia is a Hell God."

"Great," she rolled her eyes. "Like I haven't dealt with one of those before."

"Sarcasm will get you nowhere," Giles said as he shook his head. "She is weak at the moment and according to the books that Andrew has so kindly brought for us, we have a very small window to defeat her. I just need to know that you are ready for this fight."

"I'm ready. The question is, are the others ready for this fight or not?"

"I believe some here are. I've also made some phone calls to others stationed around the world. Satsu is bringing her team in."

"Satsu?" Buffy's eyes went wide in shock as she felt the colour drain from her face. "Great."

It'd been far too long since she'd seen or spoken to Satsu. They didn't leave things on good terms between one another when she'd sent Satsu off to Tokyo to head up the squad they had set up there. She really didn't feel like having to see her again, much less have to fight side by side with her. It being awkward was an understatement. Buffy groaned as she buried her face in her hands, relaxing a little as Faith reached out and gently rubbed her shoulders.

Faith had been quiet the whole time they'd been in there having a meeting with Giles. It was partially the reason for her distraction and lack of paying full attention to the things Giles was telling both of them. She couldn't seem to keep her eyes off of Faith, nor could she stop thinking about her. Just feeling Faith's strong fingers work over the tense muscles in her neck and shoulder made her whole body hum and ache for more.

"She's a strong and quick slayer. We need her in this fight," Giles explained calmly as Buffy dropped her hands from her face and sat up a little. The look in Giles' eyes didn't go past her either. It was a cross between mild surprise and something else she couldn't quite put her finger on. "If all goes to plan, she'll only be here with her squad for a couple of days at most."

"Couple of days, B. Nothing you can't handle, right?"

"You have no idea."

"Faith, could I have a moment alone to speak to Buffy?"

"Sure thing," Faith said with a smile, giving Buffy's shoulders a gentle squeeze before standing up. "I'm gonna head down to the kitchen; you two want anything?"

"Tea would be nice," Giles replied and Faith nodded as she looked down at Buffy.

"You want anything, B?"

"I'm good. Thanks."

Buffy watched as Faith walked out of the office, smiling to herself when Faith turned to look back and flash a sweet smile at her before she stepped out and closed the door behind her. She shook her head, loving and hating how mesmerized she got around Faith, and looked over at Giles who looked rather amused at the little display that had just unfolded in front of him.

"I take it you two have made some recent developments in your relationship?"

"Something like that."

"And you still do not remember anything from before?" Giles asked as he closed the books that were open on his desk and began putting them away on the shelves that lined the wall behind him.

"Bits and pieces," Buffy replied as she looked over at the window and tried to hide the blush as it crept over her cheeks.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Dreams," she said softly. "Flashbacks of little things."

"Such as?" Giles asked, pushing the issue and not wanting to let it go just yet. When Buffy didn't answer him, he coughed and nodded his head. "I understand. You don't need to tell me _those_ details. If you do, however, remember anything that isn't rather personal..."

"I'll tell you when and if I do," Buffy laughed. "Is it going to be hard to deal with Dr. Sonia? I mean I know we have enough of us to fight, but..."

"She's weak now, close to being as weak as a human. Unfortunately, even after finding out as much as we could about her, there is still nothing on why she's after you. Or us. The best we can all do right now is to prepare to fight her army."

Buffy leaned back on the couch and sighed out softly. She hated this part of her life. She hated leading, and even though she wasn't the only one leading the others, she still felt alone and hopeless that they all would walk away from this fight unscathed. Giles didn't seem too worried. Then again, she hadn't seen him get too worried about anything for a long time. She wondered if they'd all been through too much and seen too much to let anything get to their nerves anymore. They had seen too much, been through a lot, and it all seemed like the same old song and dance now.

It didn't help her feel any better about feeling as if she was walking into this alone.

She watched as Giles opened a small book and began to read, pacing the floor in front of his desk as he did so. She shook her head and turned to look out the window to the snow falling outside. It calmed her in ways she didn't know it could, and she relaxed even more when she felt that hum in her body intensify as Faith came back into the office carrying three cups of tea. Buffy smiled over at her as she placed Giles' cup on his desk and joined her back on the couch.

"I know you didn't want anything, but I figured you might change your mind."

"Thanks."

"Did I miss anything?" Faith asked quietly as she handed Buffy her mug and settled down on the couch close to her.

"No, not really."

Faith frowned as she reached out and gently rubbed Buffy's back. It melted her heart a little with how sweet and caring Faith was being with her. She was definitely full of surprises, and Buffy could not wait to find out what else there was about Faith that she didn't know or even suspect from her. Without even thinking about it, she leaned over and laid a light kiss on Faith's lips, minding the tea they both held in their hands. She pulled back when Giles cleared his throat, and she fought off the blush she could feel about to creep across her cheeks as she turned to look at him.

She kept spacing as he talked of plans to attack Dr. Sonia's army that was in the cave and the woods surrounding it. Daylight seemed like the best time to attack, but Faith pointed out that their best chance at taking them all out would be just after sunset. Buffy said nothing as she listened to the two of them talk, her sole focus on Faith's hand now at rest against her lower back and the fingers that teased her skin just above the waist of her jeans. She barely even noticed when Willow, Xander and Kennedy joined them, either. All she could think about now was Faith and the way her skin tingled under her light touch.

As soon as the meeting was over, she nearly leapt up from the couch, anxious to get Faith alone. It wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Xander wanted them all to spend the afternoon in the lounge just to spend a little bit of time together. Buffy was about to protest when Faith stepped up and challenged Xander to a game of pool. She could only roll her eyes and follow them to the lounge near the kitchen. A few of the younger slayers were in there, most of them watching a movie on the big screen. She sat down in one of the oversized armchairs, her eyes never once leaving Faith as she watched her head over to the pool table with Xander.

"You two are working everything out, aren't you?" Willow asked as she and Kennedy sat down in the armchair next to her, Willow practically sitting on Kennedy's lap. "Buffy?"

"Huh? Yeah," she laughed as she turned to look at the two of them, "we are working things out."

"And?"

"And what?"

"You don't remember anything, right? So how do you feel about her?" Willow asked quietly. "Or is this not a good time and place to be talking about this?"

"Will, isn't it obvious?" Kennedy asked, smirking as she stared right at Buffy. "It's like this puppy love thing going on with her right now. She can't keep her eyes off of Faith for more than a second. Although I don't blame her..."

"Excuse me?" Willow laughed as she poked Kennedy in the stomach. "Eyes here, missy."

Buffy couldn't help but laugh at the two of them. They'd always been so sweet, so loving, and so cute together. It did get to her at times, especially at the times that she was feeling lonely. She wondered if she'd ever have with Faith what Willow and Kennedy had. It was entirely possible with what she'd seen from Faith over the last couple of days, but would they get there sooner or later? Too many little questions that centered around Faith were going through her mind and she found it hard to focus on the conversation she was pretending to be interested in with Willow and Kennedy.

Her eyes were focused on just one person in the room: Faith. More importantly, she was focused on her delicious backside and the way her jeans clung to her just right. She could feel her eyes glazing over with lust, with desire, with want and need. Her whole body was aching for Faith. It'd never felt so much like torture before. She wanted her. Bad.

"Buffy?" Willow chuckled as she snapped her fingers. "Did you just hear a word I said?"

"Talk about déjà vu," Buffy said under her breath. "What were you saying, Will?"

"I was asking you how you felt about Satsu coming back."

"Oh."

"Oh?" Willow shook her head as she looked back at Faith for a moment. "She knows about you and Satsu."

"I know."

"And how does _she_ feel about Satsu coming back here?"

Buffy shrugged. "We didn't get a chance to talk about it yet."

Just like that she slipped back into her own little world, surrounded by thoughts of Faith and what'd she do to her once she got her alone. Taking things slow was definitely not working for her and after that morning, she knew it wasn't working for Faith either. She smiled when Faith put the pool cue down on the table and slapped Xander playfully across the back. Words of defeat and promises of a rematch were spoken before Faith walked over and sat on the edge of the chair Buffy was still sitting in. Faith leaned down and gave Buffy a light kiss to the side of her head, smiling ever so sweetly down at her before she reached for Buffy's hand and pulled her to her feet.

Neither of them said a word. Well, Buffy knew she didn't. She wasn't sure if Faith did or not since all she could hear was her heart thumping loudly in her chest as Faith pulled her towards the door. Buffy felt like she was floating. She felt nervous and anxious at the same time. She came to a stop when she realized that Faith was heading for the training room instead of the stairs.

"Where are we going?"

"Gonna get an hour or two of training in, B. You heard what Giles said earlier, didn't you?"

"Uh..."

"Don't tell me," Faith chuckled as she stopped and slowly began to back Buffy up against the wall. "You were too busy thinking of me to pay attention to a word he was saying. Am I right or am I right?"

"Are you always so confidently cocky?"

"Not always, but I do like to think I have my moments," she winked and stepped away from Buffy just as her lips were mere inches away. "You didn't answer my question though, Twinkie."

"What question?" Buffy asked, looking oblivious until it hit her and she found herself blushing. She let Faith tug on her hand as she pulled her into the training room. "Yeah, I was."

Faith let out a low, throaty laugh as she turned to face Buffy. "What were you thinking about?"

"You..." she replied shakily, trying to muster up some confidence she knew was hidden deep down to tell her what she'd really been thinking about.

"And let me guess," Faith whispered as she licked her lips slowly. "You were thinking about all the naughty things you want to do to me?"

Buffy nodded her head, unable to speak or to stop the deep blush that she felt over her entire body. Faith took a look around the empty training room, making sure they were completely alone before she pulled Buffy in close and crushed her lips against hers in an intensely passionate kiss. Buffy's hands were instantly intertwined in Faith's hair, holding her close as Faith swept her hands down her back and stopped at her hips.

"Faith..."

"This slow thing..."

"Not going to work," Buffy breathed out in between the delicious torturous assault of Faith's lips and tongue against her own.

"No."

"Should we..."

"Yours or mine?" Faith asked breathlessly as she pulled back just enough to stare into Buffy's eyes. "Unless you're feeling a little daring and..."

"No," Buffy laughed as she stopped Faith from leaning in to kiss her again. "Training room is definitely off limits."

She was beginning to feel a little nervous again, though she was more excited than anything else. Faith's eyes were darker than normal, hazed over by lust and desire as she walked backwards, holding both of Buffy's hands in her own as she made her way to the training room doorway. Their eyes never once left each other's until they were out in the corridor. Buffy stopped when she felt like she'd hit an invisible wall and got the breath knocked out of her.

"Buffy?"

Faith's voice sounded faint as Buffy felt the edges of reality tear away. The images, the memories, flashed back all at once, making it hard to breathe and focus. She remembered the attack, walking out there that night wanting her life to end. She remembered the pain and the soft whispers of wanting to see Faith again that she'd spoken before she'd passed out. She remembered the way she felt when Faith had shown up. She remembered the hours they talked as if they were friends, long-time friends just catching up. She remembered the way Faith would just look at her, so much love and caring in her eyes, and she remembered the way the butterflies had come alive inside of her when Faith told her she was in love with her.

She could still hear Faith saying her name, asking her if she was okay, but she was too lost in the rush of her memories as they came back to answer her. She stumbled back, letting go of Faith's hands as she remembered the overwhelming feel of the bloodlust coursing through her veins. She remembered what it felt like to bite her, to drink from her, and how willing Faith had been until the moral part of herself kicked in and told her it was wrong, told her to stop.

She remembered that night they were together, how much she desired Faith, how intense it'd been. How passionate it'd been when they'd taken it slow and how wild and feral it'd been when it got out of control. She remembered how much she craved Faith every second they were apart, and it was no different than the way she'd been feeling all day.

"Buffy?" Faith repeated as she wrapped her arms around her and held her close. "You okay?"

"I'm...fine," she managed to gasp out as she blinked away the burning hot tears that filled her eyes. "Oh god, I think I need to..."

"Need to what, B?"

"Sit down for a minute," she whispered as she held onto Faith, feeling as if she'd been drained completely of all her strength. "God, that was intense."

"What was?"

"Everything..."

Faith looked at her, confused at what she was getting at as she led her over to one of the benches that lined the wall just outside the training room. She sat them both down with her arms still wrapped around Buffy's trembling body.

"I'm sorry I..."

"Buffy, its okay. Just tell me what happened."

"I remember it all," she whispered as she looked at Faith through the tears. "I remember everything. God, what have I been putting you through this last week, Faith?"

"Hell," she chuckled softly and brought their lips together for a tender, light kiss. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

"Faith, how can you say that?"

"Cos," she shrugged as Buffy laid her head on her shoulder. "Just kept holding onto the good memories we had together. Got me through this past week. Barely."

"Faith, I'm..."

"Shh," she said softly, rocking slightly with Buffy as she tried to calm her down. "You are sorry, I know. It's not like it was your fault or anything, you know?"

She nodded as she closed her eyes, still feeling dizzy and a little bit numb from the surge of memories that had hit her so fast and out of nowhere. Everything was beginning to make a lot of sense now, from her conflicted feelings over Faith to finally allowing herself to just feel instead of pushing those feelings aside. The run-in with Dr. Sonia's vampires also began to make a lot of sense. When she'd found herself surrounded the first time, she remembered seeing Dr. Sonia there, watching as they tried to tear her apart, piece by piece. She shook her head and forced back the tears. There was no sense in crying about it now. There were things she needed to know, things needed to hear, and the only one who could tell her was Faith.

"How could you still...love me even after I..."

"I just did," Faith whispered as she held her close. "I guess it's one of those unconditional love things. No clue. I never questioned it, still don't."

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch."

"Nah, its cool, B. Really. Besides," Faith chuckled as she gently ran her fingers over Buffy's jaw and tilted her head up to look at her. "You came around and everything was starting to kind of fall into place again between us. Can't tell you how happy I was when you dropped the bitchy attitude out of nowhere."

"It wasn't out of nowhere. I couldn't get you out of my head. I couldn't stop thinking about you no matter how hard I tried. The more I thought about you and how I really felt, the easier it got to just finally admit how I felt about you to myself."

"There's one thing I'm relieved about."

"What? That I remember everything now?"

"No," she laughed as she shook her head. "I thought for sure you were going to kick my ass after the spell turned you back. I'd never seen you so angry before. It was kind of scary. I really thought you would try to kill me or something."

"God," Buffy sighed as she kissed her lightly. "I am so sorry for putting you through all this, Faith. I'm..."

"You don't need to keep apologizing, Buffy. I get it, okay?"

"I was just going to say I'm sorry that this kind of killed the mood," she said softly.

Faith laughed as she stood up and pulled Buffy up with her. "Didn't kill the mood. Not really. I still...want you. Bad."

"But?" Buffy asked, knowing Faith was hesitating.

"But I think you should talk to Giles. He's gonna want to know you remember everything now. I think this is gonna give us a better chance at bringing Dr. Sonia and her army of vamps down. This can wait between us, B."

Buffy nodded her head and pulled Faith in for a kiss. She knew she had to tell Giles that she remembered everything and she wasn't looking forward to having that talk with him either. Especially when the only thing on her mind was wanting desperately to be alone with Faith, to make love to her and with her all night long. She just wanted to be with Faith and forget about the rest of the world for the night. She wanted to forget about everything that had happened in the last month, the last year. She wanted to drop it and move on. Faith tried to pull away from the kiss, but she moaned softly as Buffy ran her hands down the length of her back and kissed her deeper.

Faith smiled against her lips as she ran her hands over Buffy's ass and gave it a little squeeze. She pulled back from the kiss and Buffy's insistent lips. "I'm on to you, B. I know what you're trying to do here."

"What's that?"

"Avoid talking to Giles because all you can think about is..." she said as she leaned in and grunted softly into Buffy's ear. "You go talk to him and come find me when you're done. I'll be in my room, all right?"

Buffy nodded and gave her one last kiss before they went their separate ways. She took the shortest route to Giles' office and found him sitting behind his desk with his nose in a book as usual. He barely looked up as she closed the door behind her and walked up to the desk. She cleared her throat to get his attention and he laughed softly as he closed the book and pushed his glasses up on his nose.

"What can I do for you, Buffy?"

"I thought you'd want to know that I uh...remember everything now."

"Everything? Are you certain?"

"I am," she nodded as she sat in the chair closest to her. "I also remember the attack from before. Dr. Sonia was there."

"Doing what exactly?"

"Watching."

Giles stood up and grabbed a book off the shelf behind him and sat back down heavily. "This changes everything. You do realize that, don't you?"

"How come this changes everything?"

"If she was behind the previous attack this means she's up to something bigger than we have anticipated. I'm afraid we'll have to start over with the research on her background and try to find out her motive for the second attack. This is more than just revenge, Buffy. I'm afraid she may want to take down all of us and she is going to start with you and Faith."

"What are we going to do?"

"Stick with the original plan," he replied as he reached for the phone and picked it up. "Get some rest, Buffy. The others will be arriving bright and early in the morning."

"Great," she said as she rolled her eyes and got up from the chair. "I'll see you in the morning, Giles."

"Goodnight, Buffy."

She smiled at him and stepped out into the corridor. She was relieved the talk had been quick, mostly because she couldn't wait to get back to Faith, but also because she didn't want Giles asking her questions about what she was doing or thinking when her memories came back. That was definitely something she never wanted to talk about with Giles. It was bad enough he already knew a lot of intimate and private details about her and Faith's relationship prior to her being turned back. She shrugged it off as she approached Faith's room and lifted her hand to knock.

She paused to think back on the last week, how she'd felt at first when she woke to how she felt about Faith. They were together, weren't they? It wasn't like they hadn't made some kind of progress in her amnesia state of mind either. The progress had been slower, but it was still progress nonetheless. It was different seeing that side of Faith, the sweet and gentle side of her she never showed anyone else. It was that side of her she'd gotten to see during all those hours they spent together while Buffy had lain on the bed recovering from her injuries that made her really fall in love with her. It was that side of Faith again that had made her rethink and realize her feelings, just like she had before everything had taken a turn for the worse a month back.

Faith was full of surprises; she knew that. Last night had been evidence of it as well. She'd never known Faith to hold herself back, to show so much restraint. She had to take a moment to appreciate that side of Faith and she had to push down her own urges to do just that. She knocked on the door quietly and waited for Faith to open the door. She heard some shuffling coming from inside the room and her heart began to race when she heard the lock on the door click open.

"That was quick," Faith smirked as soon as she opened the door. "Did you tell him or did you..."

"I told him."

"And?"

"Can we not talk about this right now?" Buffy asked as she closed the door behind her and locked it. "Because I so don't want to do anything else right now other than kiss you."

"And?" Faith breathed out softly as she grabbed Buffy's hands in her own and walked backwards towards the bed.

"And I want to forget about everything just for tonight," she whispered as she let Faith's eager fingers pull her shirt up and over her head. "I want to make love to you all night long, Faith. I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up in the morning and worry about everything then. But for right now, for tonight, I just want to be with you."

"For someone who didn't want to talk about anything you sure..."

Buffy grabbed her then and kissed her deeply as they fell back onto the bed together. Their clothes came off slowly, both of them focusing more on kissing one another than anything else. Faith broke back from the kiss as the last of their clothes came off and she smiled down at Buffy as she lowered herself on top of her. Buffy felt nervous, shy almost, as their eyes locked in an intense gaze. She ran her hands down Faith's back, feeling her shiver under her touch. She felt it then, their souls connecting in the same way they had before. It was an amazing feeling, and as she listened to Faith suddenly taking deep, shuddering breaths, she knew that Faith could feel it too.

"You okay?" Buffy asked softly, not moving an inch as she waited for Faith to say something. "Faith?"

"Just feels surreal, B. Keep thinking I'm gonna wake up any minute now and this is just a dream."

Buffy smirked as she reached down and gently pinched her butt. "It's definitely not a dream."

"I kept wondering before what it'd feel like to feel your warmth, feel your breath on me. To feel your heart beating just as quickly as my own."

"You're getting all poetic on me," Buffy laughed softly as she raised her hips up slightly into Faith's, both of them groaning at the contact. "You never stop surprising me, you know that?"

Faith blushed as she ran her hand down the length of Buffy's body and slowly trailed it back up and cupped her cheek gently. "It feels like the first time all over again."

They were quiet and still for what felt like minutes when Buffy knew it was only seconds. There was something so intense just lying there beneath her, so raw and passionate. As soon as their lips met, the rest of the world really did melt away as they got lost in each other. Buffy never knew what feeling complete was like until she found something in Faith that made her feel whole. She'd found something real in Faith, something deep, and she was going to do all that she could to keep her in her life no matter what tomorrow or the next day would bring.

The slow, tender lovemaking soon turned into wild passion and the room filled with pleasurable moans and gasps as they brought each other over the edge again and again. She wasn't sure when she'd fallen asleep, but when she woke the sun was just rising and Faith was sleeping soundly next to her. She felt different than she had the night before and she slipped out of bed, wrapping the sheet around her as she walked to the window and looked outside. She felt different as in weak, and she knew it wasn't just from spending most of the night making love with Faith.

It was something else. Something she feared since the first time they'd all been stripped of their slayer abilities. She heard Faith stir in the bed and she slowly walked back over and laid down next to her.

"Hey," Faith said softly as she leaned over and kissed her. "Did last night really happen?"

"Yeah."

"Pretty fucking amazing, though, wasn't it?"

"Oh yeah," Buffy smiled, running her fingers over Faith's stomach as she curled up next to her. "I don't even remember falling asleep."

"It was right after you begged me to stop cos you couldn't take anymore," Faith chuckled as she reached for Buffy's hand currently drawing light, random patterns over her stomach and intertwined their fingers. "Didn't want the night to end, you know?"

"Me neither. Felt like I was in a dream I never wanted to wake up from. The whole night just felt..."

"Amazing?"

"Besides that," Buffy laughed as she laid a light kiss on Faith's shoulder. "It felt...like I was drunk on you. Does that make any sense?"

"It does."

"Yesterday was one hell of a long day. What a way to end it, though," she smiled up at her. "And I can definitely get used to waking up next to you every morning like this. If that's what you want, that is..."

"Buffy, after everything we've been through together in the last month, do you really think I'm not gonna want this?"

Faith just held her close, both of them drifting back to sleep slowly. It was still too early to wake up and Buffy wasn't looking forward to the events she knew would unfold throughout the day. She let those thoughts go as she gave in to the pull of sleep, feeling the weakness in her body worsen with every breath she took. It didn't matter now. She'd worry about it all later.


	7. Chapter 7

Buffy woke for the second time that morning feeling drained. She could barely even lift her head from Faith's shoulder and she knew then that something was seriously wrong with her. She'd never felt so drained in her life before, not even through those weeks where she'd lain on the uncomfortable bed in the infirmary. She took a deep breath and again tried to lift her head, letting out a choked sob when she couldn't. It took a few more tries before she was able to move enough to roll away from Faith and onto her back.

"B, it's still early, go back to sleep," Faith said softly, half asleep and her eyes barely open. "Buffy?"

"I...Faith, something is wrong with me," she whispered as Faith's eyes shot open. "I feel weak. Drained."

"And not just because of..." Faith asked and when Buffy shook her head no she sat up in alarm. "Shit."

Buffy watched as Faith used her cell to call Giles and Willow before quickly getting dressed. She next helped Buffy get dressed and sat with her on the bed, arms wrapped around her protectively. Buffy tried not to cry. It was useless to cry over something until she at least had some idea of what was happening. When the knock came on the door, Faith slipped off the bed and let Giles and Willow inside. Of course Kennedy was right behind them, but Faith shook her head no before closing the door and quickly locking it.

"Buffy, what's the matter?" Giles asked as they both watched Willow pull out one of her spell books.

"I...I don't know."

"Do you feel weak?" Willow asked as she reached out and touched Buffy's damp forehead. "Fever," she said under her breath. "Buffy? Do you feel weak, drained? Almost as if you are sick?"

"Yes."

Willow nodded her head slowly as she let her hands hover over Buffy's body, muttering under her breath softly as a soft blue glow emanated from her hands. She stood back and sighed as she closed the book she had open on the bed. She looked down at Buffy then over at Faith and Giles before letting out another sigh.

"What is it?" Faith demanded.

"She's drained because of the memories. Giles, why didn't you tell me she got her memories back?" Willow asked as she backhanded him across the shoulder. "This is one of the side effects."

"I err...it never occurred to me that it would be this crippling."

"How long is she gonna be feeling like this?" Faith asked as she sat down on the bed next to Buffy. "How long, Red?"

"Few days at most," Willow replied. "She should be feeling slightly better by tonight, but she's definitely not in any shape to walk into the fight with Dr. Sonia and her vampire army."

"I have to fight," Buffy whispered as she slumped against Faith. "I have to."

She knew she had to be a part of this fight. She couldn't let Faith, Satsu, or any of the others just walk into this without her there by their side. If anything happened to any of them, she'd feel responsible. She already had enough guilt to deal with. She couldn't handle having anymore weighing her down.

"You can't fight, B. You'll have to stay here," Faith whispered as she kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "We can handle ourselves, okay?"

"We'll have to put you in the safe room," Giles said softly, "with the others who can't fight. We must be prepared for anything and we cannot have an attack on the castle without protecting you and the others."

Being put in the safe room would mean she'd be in there with Dawn, Xander, and the youngest of the slayers. She knew there was no way she could argue her way out of this, either. Her life would be put at stake and she couldn't even move. She had to do what was right and sit this fight out. She knew she could count on Faith, Kennedy, and Satsu to look out for the slayers while they fought. She knew that of all of them, those three would be able to handle it and take care of themselves. None of that removed her fears that she may not ever see any of them again.

"I'm going to brief the girls. Satsu and her squad have just arrived. Faith?" Giles said as he and Willow walked towards the door. "I'll need you to come down for the briefing."

"Sure thing, G."

"Now," he said sternly as Willow opened the door and walked out.

Faith rolled her eyes and gave Buffy a gentle kiss on the lips before getting up from the bed. Buffy couldn't stop the silent 'sorry' that escaped when Faith looked back at her. This was not how she wanted to wake up after the amazing night they'd had together. Faith just blew her a kiss, smiled, and winked before she stepped out into the corridor behind Giles and closed the door slowly.

Mustering up enough strength to pull the covers over herself, she closed her eyes as she buried her face into the pillow. She was shaking now, mostly from feeling cold even though the room was warming up from the sunlight that poured in through the window. She hated feeling so weak, so drained. It made her feel...human. Normal. What she often wished for, but not in this way. She let the tears fall; tears of what she wasn't sure: Self-pity, guilt, pain, weakness, happiness, love, fear? She felt empty inside, she felt lost, but it wasn't because Faith was no longer there by her side. It was because of how she felt.

She couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop the tears from falling. After what felt like hours, she felt the bed dip down next to her and Faith's warm, strong arms were sliding around her and holding her close. She managed to relax just a little as Faith placed small, feather-light kisses along her neck and jaw. She smiled at the loving gesture, but still couldn't stop the tears from falling. She turned around in Faith's arms, reaching up and gently tracing her fingers over her lips.

"How'd it go?"

"You know that Satsu is a bitch?" Faith asked softly and it made Buffy laugh. "How you feeling, B?"

"No better."

"Are you cold?"

"Freezing," she nodded in reply.

Faith sighed as she leaned her forehead against Buffy's and they stayed just like that for a few moments. Buffy closed her eyes, revelling in the warmth coming from Faith as she held her close. "You're burning up."

"Am I?"

"Yeah," Faith said softly as she gave her a light, chaste kiss. "Maybe I should get you something, some soup or tea to help you warm up?"

"I'm fine."

"Buffy, you're shaking like a leaf. You are definitely not fine."

"It'll pass. Besides, Willow said it's only going to last a couple of days. I'll pull through it. Always do."

"I wish I could stay with you tonight," Faith said softly, her voice cracking slightly.

"When are you leaving?"

"In a couple of hours. We're gonna head to the caves. Wait it out till sunset and then attack," she replied as she reached up and quickly wiped away Buffy's tears. "We're gonna fight them and win this battle, B. It'll be okay."

"What if..."

"Don't," she said sharply. "Don't think like that. We'll get through it and I'll come back to you in one piece."

"And if not?"

"Don't wanna think about the 'if not' part," Faith replied as she let a few of her own tears fall. "We've been through a lot lately and I don't wanna keep going through the bad shit together. After this...I'm requesting a very long vacation, just you and me."

"Oh yeah?" Buffy smiled as she leaned back a little to look into Faith's eyes more clearly. "Where are we going to go?"

"Somewhere warm, somewhere with a beach that's low on the vamp and demon population. I don't know," she laughed as she shrugged her shoulders, "wherever you wanna go, B."

"I haven't been on a real vacation in a long time."

"Me neither. I've never actually been on one unless you count running from my personal demons a vacation."

"Yeah, that doesn't count."

Faith chuckled softly as she rolled onto her back and pulled Buffy with her. "Didn't think so."

"How long do we have?"

"Couple hours," Faith replied. "Why?"

"Will you stay here with me until you have to leave?"

"Kind of the plan," she smiled down at her. "I'm gonna take you to the safe room before we have to leave. Willow needs to do the spell to bring up some kind of barrier just in case."

"I want to fight."

"I know, but you aren't in any shape to fight with us tonight. We'll deal with it, okay? It'll be fine, B. Everything will be fine."

She knew Faith was trying to be strong, she could hear it in the way she spoke, but even she was having doubts. Her voice trembled just a little and she was scared, terrified even, of walking into this fight not knowing what the outcome could be. This was a part of their life, though. If it wasn't one thing it was always something else. Buffy definitely needed a vacation, and there was no one else she wanted to spend a few weeks with, off alone somewhere remote, than Faith. Maybe the others could come with them. Surely they _all_ needed a vacation. It did seem doable as long as they got through the fight with Dr. Sonia and her army of vampires.

"What about Angel?" Buffy asked, suddenly remembering he was still there even though she hadn't seen or spoken to him since that night in the cemetery.

"He's still here," Faith replied as she slowly ran her fingers through Buffy's hair. "He's gonna fight with us. He'll be late for the party, though, with us heading out before sunset and all."

"Yeah."

"B?" Faith sighed as she ran her fingers down Buffy's back. "Last night was...probably the best night of my life."

"Yeah?" Buffy smiled as she looked up at her. "I'll let you in on a little secret. It was the best night of my life too."

"Never knew how good it'd feel to be in love," Faith whispered as she pulled Buffy up a little and kissed her softly. "Never knew I could be in love. Guess it was one of those things I had to just let happen. Keep thinking that I never was able to be in love before cos it wasn't with you."

"When did you become such a sap?"

"The day I confessed my love for you," she replied with a sweet smile that melted Buffy's heart. "I'm still pretty insecure about a lot of things, you know?"

"Oh really?" Buffy teased as she poked her in the stomach. "Like I didn't realize that already."

"You've been patient with me and I have no idea why."

"I'll let you in on another little secret," Buffy whispered as she gathered enough strength to straddle Faith's hips. "Love makes you do the wacky."

"That's your secret?"

"Well, it's not really a secret."

"Care to explain?"

"Well," Buffy smiled as she leaned down to kiss her, letting it last just a few seconds before she pulled back, "when you are in love you don't let anything stop you. You don't let anything get in the way of getting what you want. I'm patient with you because I've seen a side of you that makes me want to let you come out of your shell, one step at a time. I'm patient because I know you need me to be and I'm more than willing to take this as slow or as fast as you want to."

"We did kinda go pretty fast, didn't we?"

"There isn't really any kind of rules when it comes to relationships. You know how long it took me to figure that one out?"

"No, how long?"

"Too long," Buffy whispered, and she smiled as Faith slowly rolled them over so she was on top. "I actually didn't figure it out until you."

They kissed softly at first, testing the waters and just taking things slow. Faith was holding back and Buffy knew why. She was still weak, but she wasn't too weak to kiss the woman she was in love with until she felt as if her lungs were about to burst. Her body was aching for her touch and she knew it'd have to wait for when she got her strength back. It didn't stop her from slipping her hands under Faith's shirt and dragging her nails up and down her back in a way that made Faith moan out softly and grind her hips down against hers. The kiss grew deeper, more passionate, as they let their hands wander, their bodies melting into one another's as the world slipped away just for a few moments in time.

Faith's fingers tripped over the waistband of Buffy's sweatpants, but she pulled away from the kiss as Buffy's hand fell over hers. "B, are you..."

"I'm weak, but not that weak," she whispered as she pushed Faith's hand inside her sweat pants, encouraging her to touch her. She didn't want to beg for her touch, but her body was craving it too much.

"B," Faith groaned as she slipped her hand lower, her fingers brushing over Buffy's clit through her thin cotton panties. Buffy closed her eyes as her own fingers fumbled with the buttons on Faith's jeans. "Are you sure you're feeling up to this?"

"Yes," she whimpered softly with every teasing pass of Faith's fingers over her clit.

Their lips crashed together as Buffy slid her hand inside of Faith's pants, groaning in approval on finding she wore nothing underneath. Buffy wanted their clothes gone, she wanted to feel Faith fully against her, and she began to tug on Faith's shirt with her other hand. Faith sighed into the kiss, managing to grab onto Buffy's hand and pin it to the mattress as she slipped past her panties and plunged two fingers deep and hard inside of her.

They both stopped when they heard the other door inside the bathroom open, and they pulled apart just in time to see Kennedy open the door and stand there with a smug smile on her face.

"Check out the lust bunnies," she laughed as she leaned against the door frame. "You two just can't keep your hands off of each other, can you?"

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" Faith growled as she got up from the bed and helped Buffy sit up. "And have you fucking heard about knocking first?"

"I tried that," Kennedy replied slyly as she eyed both Faith and Buffy up and down. "But I'm thinking you two were too into each other to hear me knocking on the door for the last ten minutes."

"What the fuck do you want, K?"

"We're getting ready to head out earlier than planned. We gotta get Buffy down to the safe room right now."

"Giles said..."

"I know what he said. I was there too, remember?" Kennedy snapped. "We need to extract the civilians that are being held in the cave, at least the ones that are still alive. We can't do that when the sun sets."

Buffy sighed as she tried to stand on her own, and Faith rushed to her side before she could fall back down on the bed. Faith scooped her up in her arms and followed Kennedy as she made her way to the safe room, which was actually one of seven cellars in the castle. Faith put Buffy down on one of the three couches and gave her a long, lingering kiss. Buffy could feel everyone's eyes on them, but she didn't care. She wanted to say goodbye to the love of her life properly, just in case something did happen to her. Giles gently cleared his throat, ending the kiss between the two of them, and Faith gave her a big, dimpled grin as she followed them out of the room, the heavy steel door closing behind her with a loud clunk.

There was about twenty of them down there and even in the flickering candlelight she could barely make out Dawn and Xander off in the far corner talking quietly to each other. Buffy pulled the throw blanket over her as she curled up on the couch and tried to drown out the soft whispers of everyone around her.

"Buffy," Xander said softly as he sat down next to her, startling her a little. "How are you feeling?"

"No better, no worse."

"They'll all make it back," he said softly as he pulled her so she was sitting up and wrapped his arms around her. "We're all worried right now, Buffy."

"Yeah," she forced a half-hearted smile as she gave him a gentle squeeze. "I just wanted to be there. This isn't their fight. It's mine."

"It concerns you, so this not just your fight."

"He's right, you know?" Dawn said as she sat down next to Xander. "We're all in on this. Even if it wasn't you, we'd still be fighting. Dr. Sonia betrayed us all, Buffy. Every single one of us."

"But she started this with me."

"I know," Dawn frowned as she wrapped her arms around Xander and Buffy. "And it's going to end without you. We really don't have a choice and neither do you."

Buffy sighed as she pushed Xander away from her and leaned back into the couch. She knew they were both trying to be there for her, but it wasn't working. It was making her feel horrible and dejected that she wasn't out there fighting next to Faith, Kennedy, Satsu, and the rest of the slayers. This was her army, at least it felt like it most of the time, and she should be leading them, not cowering away in the cellar protected by a magical barrier in case things went wrong. If one of them went down or all of them went down, she should go down with them.

The room became restless after the first hour passed. It was almost sunset. Buffy didn't need a clock to tell her that, she could just sense it, feel it, even down there in the cellar. Her body was aching to fight even in its weakened state. Her body was aching for Faith, but she'd pushed that down knowing it'd have to wait. She curled up on the couch and laid her head against Xander's shoulder. He let out a soft sigh as he put his arm around her. She would have made a comment about him being in between both Summers women, but she let that thought go when she knew he didn't see it that way anymore. He was in love with Dawn and that was the only woman he even thought of.

It pained her sometimes to know what a good man he was and that at one point, years ago, she had her chance and she pushed him away. It was for the better in the end. He was one of her best friends even though in the last couple of years she hadn't been treating him like one. He understood, though, just like he always did. She looked over at Dawn, who had her head against his other shoulder, and they shared a small, knowing smile between them.

By the second hour, most of the younger girls had settled down, scattered throughout the room. Nobody spoke now, and the heavy silence made Buffy feel as if she was trapped underwater. She could hear the steady beat of Xander's heart and the beat of her own and of Dawn's. All three of their hearts beat in time, calm yet not. Buffy pushed back off of Xander, feeling her weakness beginning to slip away bit by bit. She stood up on shaky legs and walked over to the cooler, reaching inside to retrieve bottles of water for herself and Dawn, and a Coke for Xander.

"Thanks," he said softly. "Feeling better, are you?"

"Getting there."

"Are you worried about what's happening out there right now?"

"Yeah," she nodded as she sat back down next to him and handed Dawn her drink. "I'm trying not to think of the worst case scenario right now. It's hard."

"Yeah," Xander nodded. "They can handle themselves, Buffy. They are all strong and well trained. Dr. Sonia and her vamps won't know what hit them."

"I just don't know why Giles didn't stay with us."

"He stayed behind with a couple of the girls to keep an eye on the castle just in case. Someone had to do it, you know?"

"What about Willow? I know she's strong, but can she really take on Dr. Sonia?"

"With Faith and Satsu and Kennedy, yeah, she can."

"Can you two talk about something else? Anything else?" Dawn asked as she sat back and glanced between the two of them. "I don't think sitting here worrying about what's happening and talking about it is going to make us feel any better."

"What else are we going to talk about?" Buffy asked her, trying to keep from sounding irritated and failed.

"Now probably isn't the time to mention it," Dawn said softly as Xander shook his head no quickly. "We wanted to wait to tell everyone."

"Dawnie..." Xander groaned as he moved from the couch, clearly afraid of how Buffy was going to react. "Can't this wait until after we get out of this situation?"

"It just happened," Dawn said as she ignored him and moved to sit closer to Buffy. "It's not like we weren't careful or anything, Buffy."

"What _just_ happened?"

"I'm pregnant."

Buffy sat there completely shell shocked for several minutes, barely breathing, not even blinking as she tried to absorb what her little sister had just told her. Pregnant? She shook her head as soon as the shock began to wear off and tried not to get angry and over-react. She had to keep telling herself that Dawn was an adult now and that she and Xander were in a loving relationship. No matter what, though, she still couldn't get the anger to subside.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No."

"How the fu...Dawn!" Buffy sighed out as she shook her head and downed the entire bottle of water in one gulp. "How long were you two going to keep this from me? From everyone else?"

"Not long. I just found out the other day," she said quietly as the tears began to fall uncontrollably. "You hate me, don't you?"

"Dawnie..."

Nearly everyone in the room were now paying attention to the two of them, some of them completely clueless as to what had already unfolded and others hanging on every word. Buffy let the anger flow through her, controlling it and stopping herself from saying things she knew would hurt Dawn. Once the anger went through her she let out a deep breath and pulled Dawn in for a hug. With everything that had happened, this should be good news. She just couldn't help but feel a little bitter and upset about it. Her little sister was pregnant, was going to be a mother when Buffy knew she'd probably never be one herself.

They held onto each other, both of them crying for a little while, until Buffy pulled back and wiped away Dawn's tears, smiling at her as she forced Dawn to look right at her. She knew what she wanted to say; that she was happy for them and that she was crying tears of happiness. But that was at best a partial truth, and felt too much like a lie.

"Please say something, Buffy."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," Dawn sobbed as she furiously wiped away her own tears. "You are upset, aren't you?"

"A little bit, yeah. Add in a little shocked and a bit of happiness and that's about what I'm feeling right now."

"You don't hate me, do you?"

"Why would I hate you, Dawnie?" Buffy asked with a laugh as she pulled her back in for another hug. "I could never hate you. It's not like this is just a one-night stand. This is Xander and I know how much you love him and how much he loves you. Are you two going to..."

"Keep the baby?" Dawn asked and Buffy nodded her head yes. "Of course. We didn't even think twice about it."

"And you two are going to raise this baby where? Here?"

"We were thinking of it. I know it's probably not the wisest decision, but we'd be safe here, wouldn't we?"

Buffy nodded and sat back on the couch, willing away her own tears as she tried to smile at Dawn and play the role of the supportive big sister. To say she never wanted to hear that her baby sister was pregnant was an understatement. She had halfway expected this, though, from the day she found out that Dawn and Xander were seeing each other. It'd take awhile for the initial shock to really wear off, she knew that, and she kind of wished that Willow was there when she was told the news. She could really use the support of her other best friend, especially with Xander cowering on a chair in the furthest corner, trying to avoid her.

By the time the third hour rolled around, the girls had situated themselves in a circle on the floor and were sharing stories of their childhood while they played a game of poker. Dawn had fallen asleep on the couch and her head was in Buffy's lap. She couldn't help but choke up a little every time she glanced down at her. She was really a woman now, no longer a child or a teenager. She hadn't been for a long time, but it was the first time Buffy could look at her and really see the changes she'd gone through. Xander still hadn't looked over at her and he still sat in the same chair, aimlessly flipping through one of the many books that had been stored down there over the years.

The fourth hour came and went, and Buffy felt herself drifting in and out of sleep, always waking just as she began to slip into her dreams. She was still worried about Faith, about the others, and it was only increasing with every minute and every hour that passed. She could still feel Faith, their connection, and it was still as strong as it ever had been. She tried to push those worrying thoughts out of her head. She wasn't a worrier, but she really couldn't help it. The woman she loved was out there fighting for her life along with her friends, her family, and her former lover. She eventually did fall asleep, tuning out the soft whispers of the girls there in the room around them.

She was woken up about seven hours after they'd come down there by the sound of footsteps running down the stairs towards the heavy steel door. Everyone in the room was on alert as the spell was lifted and the door opened slowly. Buffy was on her feet instantly, ready for the worst and she felt her heart swell just a little when she saw Faith there on the other side of the door once she'd opened it all the way.

Faith was looking exhausted, her clothes were dirty, bloody and torn, but she had a smile on her face as she walked over to Buffy slowly. She was limping and holding onto her side where the blood was the darkest, and Buffy wrapped her arms around her carefully, her eyes brimming with tears as their lips gradually met in the softest of kisses. She could barely hear the sound of Giles' voice telling everyone it was safe to come out. She was so lost in Faith that she didn't care. All she cared was that she was okay and that she'd come back in one piece, just as she'd promised.

"How hurt are you?" Buffy asked as she reluctantly pulled away from the kiss.

"Not bad. I'll live. Need a couple stitches, though."

"And the others?"

"All here, all alive," she replied, then gasped as Buffy touched her left side as she tried to lift her bloody shirt. "Vamp got me with a sword. Didn't hit anything vital."

"And Angel?"

"He's fine," Faith smiled. "We took the bitch down, all thanks to Willow. She sure has some wicked skills. I feel bad I ever underestimated her before."

"Come on," Buffy laughed as she headed for the door. "Let's get you cleaned up and you can tell me everything that happened."

"How are you feeling?" Faith asked as they climbed the stairs slowly. "You're feeling better, I'm guessing, since you are practically carrying me right now."

"I'm getting there."

"Missed one hell of a fight, B. Wished you could have been there. We kicked some serious ass."

"I bet," Buffy laughed as she took the shortest route to the infirmary. "You'll never believe what happened here while you guys were out there."

"What? Dawnie tell you that she's pregnant or something?"

Buffy stopped in the middle of the corridor and Faith laughed for a second, then stopped when she saw the look of disbelief on Buffy's face. She watched Faith blink a couple of times and then shake her head as she began laughing again.

"You're kidding me, right?"

"No. How did you..."

"Dawnie and Xander are like rabbits on speed, every chance they get they're going at it. Was just a wild guess. Doesn't take a genius to figure out it'd happen sooner or later."

"Okay, now those are images I _so_ did not need right now."

Faith just grinned as Buffy helped her up onto the only unoccupied bed. Under the harsh florescent lights Buffy could really see the extent of her injuries. They looked bad, but she'd seen Faith beaten worse. Far worse. She was strong, both emotionally and physically, and Buffy had no doubt in her mind she'd be back to herself in no time at all.


	8. Chapter 8

There was a feeling of déjà vu the whole night Buffy spent at Faith's bedside. She needed seventeen stitches on various deep cuts, but the one that worried Buffy was the sword wound Faith had told her about. She'd been the one to convince Faith to spend the night in the infirmary where a team of doctors, Council checked and approved, were there in case any serious complications occurred with her or any of the other injured slayers.

Faith was out cold, in large part thanks to the heavy sedatives the doctors had given her so she'd be able to sleep comfortably with her injuries. Buffy looked around at the infirmary and her eyes fell upon Satsu just a couple beds down. Satsu had broken her leg in three different places and she had a fractured collarbone. She was a wreck, and when she looked up Buffy looked away, unable to meet her former lover's eyes. She might not have loved Satsu, but there were some feelings there between them. Buffy could still feel them just lingering there and it pained her to know she still felt _something_ for her.

They hadn't talked since Buffy had sent her away after things between them fell apart. She'd been in a bad, dark place when she'd been with Satsu, and even just looking at her brought her back to that place. Satsu deserved better and Buffy had known that from the day things started between them. She'd even tried to tell Satsu that, but she'd been just as stubborn as Faith and tried to change Buffy's mind. Oh, she'd changed her mind all right, she also opened it a hell of a lot. It made her start thinking about Faith and the way she had once felt just being around her. If it hadn't been for Satsu she never would have let her thoughts of Faith drift into the 'I could possibly be in love with her' category.

"B, what are you still doing here?" Faith asked groggily as she squeezed Buffy's hand.

"Sitting here with you like you did for me before," she replied with a smile. "What are you even doing awake?"

"Meds are wearing off," she shrugged as she moved over to the side of the bed and pulled Buffy up to lay next to her.

"You should sleep, Faith."

"Can't," she replied as she wrapped her arms around Buffy and let out a pained gasp. "All worked up from the fight, you know?"

"Faith..."

"Should've just let me go back to mine," she mumbled against the side of her head as she breathed in deeply. "Fucking hate it in here."

"I know. Me too."

She was careful as she wrapped an arm around Faith's waist and laid her head down on the pillow next to her head. The bed was small, but they fit perfectly on it together side by side. Buffy could tell how uncomfortable Faith was, however, and she wanted nothing more than to take her back to her own room to sleep comfortably in her own bed. She laid there with Faith until she'd fallen back asleep before she slipped off the bed and made her way towards the doors. She needed food, having neglected to eat anything all day, and she was certain that Faith wouldn't notice she'd slipped away for half an hour or so.

Most of the commotion and excitement that had travelled throughout the castle for much of the night had died down considerably. She could hear her footsteps echoing quietly off the corridor walls as she made her way down to the kitchen. She flipped on the lights to find Angel sitting at the table by himself, and she laughed a little as she walked over to the table and sat down across from him. He looked a little worse for wear, but she knew he was fine.

"Hey," he nodded at her as she grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl in the middle of the table. "How's Faith feeling?"

"Sore," she replied as she began to peel the skin. "Meds just wore off, but she's asleep again."

"And the others?"

"They'll heal."

"You sure missed a great fight, Buffy."

"So I've heard," she chuckled softly as she picked at the skin, barely even peeling it now. "Faith hasn't had the chance to tell me what went on out there."

"They rescued a handful of humans that were being held there. A couple of the girls got them to the hospital in town. As soon as the sun set, Dr. Sonia's army came from all directions. I made it there just as it began. They knew that we were coming for them long before the fight began. They were ready for us. They just never expected there to be so many of us against them."

"And Dr. Sonia?"

"She demanded to face you and you alone. Faith ended up fighting her until Willow stepped in. Dr. Sonia knew she was weak, she just didn't think she was as weak as she was. As soon as she was down and out, the remaining vamps scattered. Couple of the girls went after them while Faith, Kennedy and myself helped the injured girls back here. With the shape Faith was in, I was surprised she managed to carry Satsu all the way back."

Buffy wasn't sure how to take that last piece of information. Faith was a loyal fighter, she knew she was, but she had no idea she'd be kind enough to help her former lover in a time of need. They hadn't talked about her time with Satsu. Buffy didn't want to bring it up and she knew that Faith was uneasy when talking about any of her former relationships. She saw the jealousy in her eyes when it'd been mentioned the few times before, and while it was kind of a turn on seeing her being jealous, she didn't want to make Faith feel that way.

"How are you feeling, Buffy?"

"Still a little weak," she replied with a shrug as she popped a piece of the orange in her mouth. "I'm not back at full strength, but at least now I can move without feeling dragged down and sluggish."

"And how are you dealing with...remembering?"

"It's hard," she openly admitted. "Remembering what it was like to crave, to feel the bloodlust running through me, to feel it burning in me when I didn't quench it. I'd rather forget, but I'm glad I don't anymore."

"Do you feel guilty about biting Faith?"

"Yeah," she nodded her head slowly, admitting it for the first time to someone else other than herself. "What's done is done. I can't change anything now."

"You were lucky."

"How the hell was I lucky?"

"You held onto your soul. If you hadn't..."

"Then I'd be dust," she finished coldly for him. "Believe me, Angel. If I didn't have a soul, I would have been killed. God, I don't even want think about what I would have been like, what kind of a monster I would have been if I didn't have my soul. Do we have to talk about this?"

"I believe we do," he nodded as he reached across the table and took her shaking hand in his own. "It's for your own mental and emotional stability, Buffy. What you've been through in the last month, even the last couple of years, has got to be a lot to handle on your own."

"I'm not handling it on my own. I have Faith," she replied. "I have Giles, Dawnie, Willow, Xander, and I've even got Kennedy. They understand more than I thought they did. They were here for me even when I didn't believe they were before. I don't have to deal with anything on my own anymore and I understand that now."

"You know where to find me if you ever want to talk. There are some things you've gone through the others cannot understand."

"And like you can, Angel? I don't see you having been turned back into a human after living as a vampire," she shot out, then closed her eyes, suppressing the building anger deep inside of her. "Look, I just came down to get something to eat. I don't want to leave Faith alone for too long in case she wakes up."

"I understand."

He got up from the table and quickly walked out of the kitchen without saying another word. She shook her head and ate the rest of the orange before she checked the fridge for anything edible. There were a few containers of food that looked like they could have been science experiments, and she avoided them as she reached for the container of peach flavoured yogurt. It wasn't solid, but it was food and one of her favourite comfort foods. The taste of real food was one thing she'd missed while she'd been turned.

She hoisted herself up on the counter and grabbed a spoon. The quietness was peaceful, relaxing, and she had a funny feeling that it wouldn't last for very long. Faith was right about needing a vacation. They all needed one just to unwind and relax for a couple weeks, regroup and recharge for whatever else would come their way next. She just had to figure out when the right time would be to suggest it to Giles. Everything went through him now ever since she'd given him full control of the assets that kept the castle up and running. It had been a burden on her, just one more she couldn't handle, and giving it up had left her with one less thing to worry about.

She got to thinking of how good an idea a real vacation would be for all of them, especially for Dawn and the baby she was carrying. She wanted to talk to her more about it, find out just how far along she was, but it'd have to wait for another day. It stung a little and also made her deliriously happy. She was going to be an aunt and she really couldn't wait. The only thing that made her full of sadness was that their mother wouldn't be there to get to know her first grandchild. She always thought about her mother at different milestones in her life and she sighed out softly, letting a few tears fall just remembering all the good memories she had of her.

Her mother, she knew for a fact, would probably have a heart attack if she knew about her and Faith's relationship. Her mother had always been wary of the few relationships she had. Though her mother had only been around for Angel and then Riley, she knew her mom wouldn't have approved of what had gone on between her and Spike, nor would she have approved of the relationships that followed after that. Buffy knew that Joyce had mixed feelings about Faith, feeling sorry for her while also fearing her, which was completely understandable at that point. She wished her mother was around now just for her to see that Faith was the one who made her happy and feel so loved, more so than anyone else had in the past.

She laughed a little as she thought about how everyone had reacted to the news of her and Faith. She'd expected to be shunned, to be yelled at, and to be told she was making a huge mistake, but none of that had come. Everyone had been so supportive of their relationship. She knew it was because they loved her unconditionally. She couldn't ask for a better set of friends and family than what she had now. It was a pity that it took her wanting to end her own life both to see that and to discover a real relationship with Faith.

She laughed again at realizing how she must have looked right then. Sitting on the counter eating her yogurt, crying, with a goofy grin plastered on her face. It dawned on her too that this was the first time in a long time she'd just sat there and thought about different things in her life without feeling sorry for herself, without feeling angry at herself, and without feeling the weight of the world lain upon her shoulders. It was a little depressing knowing all that she had to go through to get to this point in her life just for a single shred of happiness and love.

But it was completely worth it. Even with feeling closer and then far away from Faith, herself, and everyone else, it helped her piece back the things that really mattered in her life, one by one. She still had a long way to go, but she had no doubts or qualms that she wouldn't be able to get through it all this time. She looked up as soon as she heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen. She wiped away her tears quickly and hopped off the counter as Faith slowly made her way into the kitchen, wearing nothing more than the blue hospital gown and a pair of socks.

"Faith, are you crazy? What the hell are you doing out of bed?"

"Told you already, B. I couldn't sleep and now I'm fucking starving."

Buffy sighed out as she leaned against the counter and watched as Faith disappeared into the pantry. There was no sense in trying to convince her to go back to the infirmary and get into bed. She knew just how stubborn Faith could get and there was no way she was pushing at her. She didn't want to fight with her or make her feel agitated. She wanted a minimum of stress and drama, just as everyone else did. It'd take a lot of work, especially since she and Faith were always about to set each other off with just a single word or action or, for that matter, a lack thereof. Faith had a hot-head and so did she, but when they were cool, calm and collected, everything was just...perfect. At least it was so far in the chaos of their relationship.

"You hungry?" Faith asked as she poked her head out from inside the pantry. "B?"

"Starved."

"Feel like cooking me some spaghetti, woman?" Faith joked as she walked out of the pantry with a box of noodles and a can of sauce. "I'm joking."

"I know," Buffy smiled at her, "but if you want me to, I will."

"And have you burn the water? I don't fucking think so," Faith laughed as she slapped her across the ass after she'd put the can and the box of noodles down on the counter. "Yeah, B. I've heard stories. Believe me. I have heard plenty of them."

Buffy pouted as she pulled Faith in close to her and gave her a little half-smile before pulling her in for a sweet kiss. It all felt too easy, too natural just to be this way together. Buffy knew she was crazy for even questioning it in the way she was. Sure a few months ago she would have dismissed the idea that a relationship with Faith would work out, but she knew better now. They were practically made for each other. She could feel that heart and soul connection between them in just the sweetest of kisses and in the way Faith's eyes would lock with her own. She could feel it in the way Faith would touch her in the most innocent of ways, just needing to have some form of contact with her.

"Mm, fuck, I love kissing you, B."

"I was just thinking the same thing," she smiled against Faith's own grinning lips, giving her one last light kiss before she stepped back and grabbed a pot from one of the shelves.

"Hey," Faith growled playfully as she spun Buffy back around. "Wasn't done kissing you, B."

"Aren't you hungry?"

"I'm starved, but I really just wanna keep kissing you," Faith mumbled against Buffy's lips as she backed her up against the counter. "I also wanna do bad things with you..."

Buffy couldn't stop the laughter from escaping at that. Faith could truly be unbelievable sometimes and it was just one of the things she found she absolutely loved about her. Buffy swept her hands down Faith's back, mindful of the many little cuts and bruises and the odd few stitches here and there. If Faith felt any pain or discomfort, she wasn't showing it as she crushed her lips against Buffy's and pressed her body hard into hers. Buffy let out a soft moan as Faith moved her lips across her jaw and over her neck as her hands slid under her shirt. She leaned further back into the counter and grabbed Faith's hands before they could inch her shirt up.

"Later," she whispered. "Right now, we should eat."

"I'm thinking of something else I'd like in my mouth right about now."

"Faith," Buffy sighed as she pulled Faith's hands out from under her shirt, "it may be late, but I'm totally not a fan of getting caught making out in the kitchen with you in just a hospital gown."

"Relax, B," she purred as she licked her neck before pulling back. "I'm wearing panties under this. Don't need anyone viewing any of the goodies when they are all reserved for you now."

"That wasn't what I was worried about."

"Then what is it?"

"That," she said softly as she motioned to the doorway as Giles walked in, his head hung low and his eyes focused on the book he had in his hands. "Now go sit down. I'll make the spaghetti."

Faith shrugged as she hopped up on the counter next to the stove and smiled down at Buffy as she reached out with her foot and slid it along her inner thighs. Buffy quickly swatted her foot away as Giles cleared his throat, finally noticing the two of them standing there. He said nothing as he fumbled with the kettle and filled it up in the sink. He barely even looked at the two of them as he placed it on the smallest burner on the stove and turned it on. He muttered something under his breath about parading around half-naked as he walked over to the table and sat down.

"What's up with him?" Faith whispered as Buffy filled up the pot and placed it on the stove. "He's been acting kind of..."

"Awkward?"

"Yeah," she shrugged. "We'll go with that for now."

"He's like this around everyone who is all...touchy-feely with each other," Buffy replied softly, stifling a giggle as Faith raised an eyebrow at her. "What?"

"Nothing," Faith smirked as she reached out with her legs and wrapped them around Buffy's waist and pulled her close. "I just like being all touchy-feely with you."

Buffy shook her head and leaned up to gave her a quick kiss before extricating herself from the legs away that were still wrapped around her waist. She ignored the pout Faith gave her as she walked over to the stove to check on the water for the spaghetti. Hopping off the counter, Faith approached from behind, freezing Buffy in place as she wrapped her arms loosely around her. Buffy's entire body was burning for her touch, craving it and she could feel that same amount of desire and need coming off of Faith in waves. She'd never been like this before with anyone. She'd never wanted anyone so badly that it was almost painful.

Faith's lips grazed over her neck and towards her ear and hands gently cupped her breasts for a split second before moving down to rest on her hips. "I'm not going back up there tonight, B. After we eat, we're going up to my room."

"But..."

"I'm fine, B. Just a little banged up. I'll heal faster in my own bed."

"She may be right, Buffy," Giles said as he got up from where he sat at the table and made his way over to them. "She'll likely heal much faster if she's in her own bed. We were only keeping her in the infirmary in case of any complications, but seeing how she's up and about, it's safe to say there aren't any."

"Thanks for taking my side, G."

Giles only smiled as he took the kettle off the stove just as it began to whistle. "I wasn't taking any sides. Just, er…agreeing with you."

"Sounds like that's taking sides," Faith chuckled softly. "What are you doing in here so late anyway?"

"I always have a cup of tea before bed," he replied as he grabbed a mug and a teabag and filled it slowly. "Habit, a lifetime one, unfortunately."

Buffy laughed as she placed her hands over Faith's and made no move to take them away from her hips. He gave them a wink as he picked up his mug and headed out of the kitchen, saying goodnight before he disappeared into the dark corridor. Buffy turned to face Faith and gave her a soft kiss, both of them smiling as Buffy pulled away slowly.

"You think we'll ever get to have some actual time alone, just you and me?" Faith asked softly as she moved with Buffy so she could pour the noodles into the pot of boiling water.

"I don't know."

"You've never thought about just getting a place where we could escape for a couple of days?"

"No," she replied honestly, "but I have been thinking about taking a vacation like you'd mentioned."

"Just you and me?"

"No," she shook her head. "You and me and everyone else. We _all_ need a vacation, Faith. It hardly seems fair if we're the only ones that take off to someplace warm for a couple of weeks."

Faith sighed loudly as she dropped her arms from around her and moved to lean against the counter. "What are you afraid of, B?"

"Afraid of? Nothing."

"Are you afraid to be completely alone with me?"

"No..."

"You know what I think, Buffy?" Faith asked as she looked her up and down, her eyes lingering and burning over every inch of her body. "I think you are afraid of being alone with me cos you know all we'll be doing is parading around a hell of a lot more than just 'half-naked' and fucking each other until we can't take it anymore."

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"No," Faith chuckled as she let her eyes drift over Buffy's body once again. "I think about you too. And I think you are afraid to be completely alone with me, B."

"I'm not. Why would you even say that?"

Faith gave her a shrug and reached for a long spoon in one of the drawers, handing it to her so she could stir the noodles in the pot. Buffy let out a soft sigh as she stirred the noodles and thought about what Faith was trying to get at. Maybe she was a little bit afraid of being completely alone with Faith. She wasn't afraid of it for the reason of being alone. At least she didn't think so. She did love to be alone with Faith and she did wanted to be able to just be with her without having anyone interrupt them when things got a little hot and heavy. The sex was amazing with Faith, even just kissing Faith made her weak in the knees. She wondered why she even felt just a little bit afraid when she had absolutely no reason to feel that way. She wanted Faith as much as Faith wanted her. It was clearly evident.

They said nothing until their very late dinner had been made and they were lounging on Faith's bed. They had put all of the spaghetti into one big bowl and they were sharing it. Buffy hardly touched it, even as hungry as she was. Her mind was on overdrive now and she couldn't stop the thoughts from taking over and ruining her appetite. Faith lay stretched out on the bed on her stomach, no longer wearing the hospital gown. She wore a pair of baggy sweatpants and a white tank that didn't stop Buffy from letting her eyes roam and feeling the burning pleasure she felt whenever she just craved Faith.

"Thought you were hungry, B?" Faith asked, jolting Buffy from the thoughts that were bouncing back and forth from more serious things to thinking about all the ways she wanted to take Faith.

"Yeah," she shrugged as she reached out with her fork and stabbed a couple of the short, stubby noodles, "I am."

"Barely ate anything," Faith pointed out. "Still feeling a little weak?"

"A little, yeah."

"Maybe that's it?"

Faith took the bowl, moving it to the side and pulling Buffy down to lay next to her. She groaned out softly in pain as she rolled onto her side and pulled Buffy close to her. She said nothing as she ran a hand up Buffy's arm, around her shoulders to the back of her neck, and leaned in to kiss her. As much as Buffy craved her, she was feeling exhausted and growing weaker by the second. She pushed Faith back a little, ending the tender kiss between them.

"Tired?"

"Yeah," Buffy nodded as she laid her head against her elbow and traced Faith's lips with her fingers. "Been a really long day. I'm starting to think that every day is beginning to feel like it's the longest day of my life."

"Well, it has been a fucking long day for all of us, B. You aren't alone on feeling that right now."

"Good," she smiled. "Are you going to finish eating that?"

"Yeah," Faith laughed as she sat up and pulled the bowl into her lap. "You gonna stay here with me tonight?"

"Of course. You don't even have to ask, unless..."

"Unless what?"

"You don't want me to," Buffy finished quietly.

"Why wouldn't I want you to stay, B? I love just sleeping with you. I love doing other things with you too, you know, but you're playing the whole 'I'm tired' card. Don't know if that's any better or worse than the whole 'I've got a headache' card most chicks pull out when they aren't in the mood."

"I am in the mood," Buffy pouted as she sat up next to Faith. "I just..."

"What?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? B, is my mouth broken? No. Are my hands broken? No. Sure, I might be a little banged up and bruised, but we fucked before when I've been in just as bad shape as this. Never stopped you."

Buffy watched her as she shoved a couple of forkfuls of spaghetti into her mouth. She did have a point, and even though Buffy was feeling rather exhausted, she really wanted to spend a couple of hours in bed with Faith, making love until the sun rose. After the fight with Dr. Sonia and her vampire army, she just wanted to be close to Faith. She wanted to hold her, feel her fully upon her, above her, beneath her. All over her.

"I get it," Faith laughed after she'd finished the last of the spaghetti in the bowl and placed it on the table next to the bed. "You were all into it this morning, then Kennedy walked in on us and now you're acting all weird. Probably worried she or someone else is gonna walk in on us. Am I right or am I right?"

"You aren't wrong, and nothing you say right now is going to make me feel any less...weird about my best friend's girl walking in on us earlier."

"Nothing to be weird about. It's not like she's gonna act weird around us. She does have sex with other women. She has sex with Willow."

"God," Buffy groaned in mock disgust as she fell back on the bed. "You do realize what we're talking about right now, don't you?"

"Yeah...and?"

"This is worse than Giles walking in on us in the kitchen."

Faith laughed as she moved to straddle Buffy's hips, the pain and discomfort she felt at the sudden movement clearly being shown in her eyes as she fought it back. "He's seen worse, you know?"

"What? When?"

"You didn't know? He walked in on Kennedy and Willow, in the library with a..."

"Finish that and you'll completely kill the mood for about a month or so."

"I was just joshing with you, B."

Buffy sighed, rolling her eyes and not entirely believing Faith. The smirk that crept over her lips, the devilish glint in her eyes told Buffy that she might've been joking, but she knew there was a strand of truth to what she'd been saying. She shook her head as she pulled Faith down for a kiss. Gently and slowly she rolled them over and began trailing light, wet kisses over Faith's jaw and down her neck.

She eased her hands over the soft swell of Faith's breasts, feeling her nipples harden under the light touch of her fingers. She could see the trust in Faith's eyes, trust that swam with longing, with desire and need. She was surrendering all, giving complete control to her, and she shuddered at remembering how that'd felt before when she was fighting the bloodlust inside of her. She ran her fingertips down Faith's side, careful not to touch her wounds as she reached the hem of her shirt. Faith gave her a soft smile as she sat up a little and allowed Buffy to slowly remove her tank, keeping their eyes locked as Buffy tossed the shirt behind her. Her eyes finally left Faith's soft gaze and she looked over her topless form, drinking in every inch of her, seeing for the first time just how badly banged up she really was.

"It's alright, B. Doesn't hurt none," Faith whispered, smiling up at her almost as if she was reading Buffy's mind. She reached for Buffy's hands and ran them over her stomach and to her breasts. "Just touch me. I'm not made of glass."

Buffy nodded as she dipped her head down and grazed her tongue slowly over Faith's left nipple. She moaned against Faith's skin as Faith ran her hands up her thighs and to her hips. She sat back, smirking as she reached for Faith's hands and took them off of her, shaking her head no. She slowly moved down Faith's body, her fingers dancing delicately over her stomach and stopping when they reached the waistband of her sweat pants. Faith let out a soft gasp as Buffy began to slowly ease them down. Buffy held her breath until she had Faith completely naked, and she smiled down at her as she swept her hands up her legs and leaned down to place soft kisses along her inner thighs.

She wanted to make Faith feel completely worshipped by her hands, her lips, and her tongue. She wanted Faith to find the release she knew she was so desperately in need of. Her own need to be consumed by Faith could wait, even if it was fast becoming unbearable, painful. She looked up at Faith. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted slightly, her breathing becoming heavy and ragged, and her hands were gripping the sheets next to her, waiting for Buffy to continue.

Buffy only smirked as she sat back and began to slowly remove her clothes, watching as Faith's eyes opened and followed her every move. She settled back down in between Faith's legs, her hands ever so lightly caressing her inner thighs as Faith spread her legs wider for her. Buffy ran her fingers over the faintest scar where she'd marked her before and then lightly sucked on it, feeling the wave of pleasure roll through Faith's body. Knowing she'd teased Faith enough, she ran the tips of her fingers over her throbbing clit and circled her hole, feeling how wet she was. How wet she was because of her.

Wasting not another moment, Buffy moved in closer, trailing her tongue over the soft skin of her thigh, leaving a wet trail from her inner thigh to her pussy. Faith let out a low, wild moan as Buffy's tongue teased over her clit, knowing just how she needed it, wanted it, craved it. She could feel how close she was despite the fact she'd barely started. It made her flush with arousal knowing how quick she could bring Faith over the edge. This was Faith and...no, she couldn't go there, not when she had her tongue now buried in her pussy and her thumb working over her clit.

"Fuck," Faith panted as she gripped the back of Buffy's head, pulling her harder into her. "Baby, I'm so close."

"I know," Buffy said softly as she pulled away, licking her lips as she deftly slid two fingers into her hot, wet core. She wanted to kiss Faith while she came. There was just something more erotic about it in her mind.

She moved up Faith's body, her fingers driving in and out of her steadily and she captured Faith's lips with her own. They kissed furiously as Faith's body began to shudder and shake under her own as her orgasm washed through her quickly. Faith's hands gripped at her back as she pulled away from the kiss and bit on her lower lip as her body tensed for a moment before she relaxed fully beneath Buffy. She let Faith pull her hand away and she smiled as she moved to her side, Faith linking their fingers together and giving her a light kiss on the top of her head.

"Thank you," she whispered as she held Buffy as close to her as she could without hurting herself further. "Give me five minutes and I'll rock your world, baby."

Buffy nodded, knowing that in Faith's current condition, slayer strength or not, she was completely spent. And she didn't care. She was satisfied enough knowing she'd given Faith exactly what she needed. She reached over and switched off the lamp, eliminating the light in the room completely. She laid her head down on Faith's shoulder and smiled to herself. It may have been one of those long days, but it ended just perfectly. Well, almost perfectly.


	9. Chapter 9

Five minutes turned into five hours and when Faith woke, she woke to Buffy already lying there awake and smiling over at her. Buffy had barely slept herself, having watched Faith closely as she slept peacefully. It had been calming just to watch the woman she felt so deeply for, that she loved, sleep without worry, at ease and content. She let go of Faith's hand she'd held throughout the night and reached up to tuck a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. They said nothing until after they had shared a long, passionate good morning kiss.

"Morning," Faith said softly, her voice husky and sleepy as she brought a hand up to rub the sleep from her eyes. "How'd you sleep?"

"Morning, and I didn't."

"Oh."

"It's okay, I'm not that tired," Buffy said softly, wincing when she realized how easily that lie had slipped past her lips. "Well, I am tired, but you know, I couldn't really sleep so I settled on watching you as you slept."

"Sorry for passing out on you like that," Faith said after she yawned a couple of times, clearly still exhausted and needing a couple more hours of rest. "Feel like such an asshole."

"No, don't say that. You are not an asshole just because you fell asleep on me," Buffy laughed as she gave her a soft kiss on her lower lip. "It was a very long day yesterday. It's understandable."

"How can you be so understanding and considerate? Who are you and what did you do with Buffy, seriously?"

"How many times are you going to ask me that?"

"Don't know," Faith shrugged as a playful smile crept over her lips. "How many times are you going to show me a side of yourself that feels completely unreal and unexpected to me?"

"I don't know," Buffy laughed as she leaned in for another kiss. "What can I say? I surprise me, I surprise you, and you surprise me. It's one big surprise thing."

Faith chuckled as she swept her hand down Buffy's back. "I kind of like that. Never know what to expect."

"I like this. Waking up with you and just talking like this. How are you feeling today?"

"Sore, but satisfied."

Buffy closed her eyes as she laid her head on the pillow next to Faith's. She didn't want to fall asleep, but her body was betraying her now. She was focused on the small little random patterns Faith was tracing over the small of her back. Was this what 'normal' felt like? If it was, it was the closest she'd ever come before to feeling that way. She moved to bury her face into the side of Faith's neck, smiling against her skin as Faith's hand moved from her lower back and around her ass and gave it a gentle, playful squeeze.

She trailed soft kisses over Faith's neck as she slowly moved to straddle her. She looked down at her, both of them grinning at one another as Faith moved her hand around from her ass to cup her pussy. Buffy bit her lip as she held back a moan as Faith's strong, skilful fingers worked over her clit and teased her hole. She knew that Faith still wasn't up to getting too rough, but if she had to be honest with herself, she didn't want it rough. She wanted to have that slow, sensual morning loving she'd never had before. Just from the look in Faith's eyes she knew she was thinking the very same thing, silent understanding made possible by the connection between their souls.

The sheets fell from her shoulders and came to rest around her lower back as she began to roll her hips against Faith's hands and protruding fingers. She was incredibly worked up already, feeling the tension throughout her body, and she let out a soft moan as Faith ran her other hand up her back and to her neck. She eased Buffy down, kissing her slowly, tenderly at first. Buffy's arms were shaking as she held herself up, afraid to lay herself upon Faith completely. She rolled her hips harder into Faith's hands, wanting her to go faster, harder, but she kept the slow, steady pace as she deepened the kiss. Every thought she had in her mind drifted away as she focused solely on Faith's fingers and her lips and tongue. It was enough to send a shockwave through her body and her arms gave out as she came to rest on top of Faith.

Faith let out a sharp groan as she rolled them over slowly. She smirked down at Buffy as she placed soft kisses over her face, her lips, her jaw and her neck. Her movements were stiff, and even though she was trying to hide the pain, Buffy could see how much it was hurting her to move in certain ways. She tried to stop her, tried to find words to tell her she didn't have to keep going. Those words never came as Faith moved down her body little by little, licking and nipping at every inch of skin her lips trailed over. Her senses and all her nerves were on high alert, completely aware of every subtle movement Faith made. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe steadily as Faith threw the covers back completely, exposing them both to the cool room.

Buffy expected her to tease, to take her time, and she let out a startled gasp and a moan as Faith slid her tongue the length of her slit and circled her throbbing clit. She gripped the sheets as Faith lifted her legs over her shoulder and began a fluid pace of thrusting her tongue in and out of her hot, wet core. She was already shaking steadily, the pleasure becoming almost painful under the ministrations of Faith's probing tongue. As her second orgasm began to course through her body, she kept her eyes shut, seeing stars and feeling her entire body grow numb. Faith reached up for her hand, intertwining their fingers and gripping tightly as she came hard and fast, almost violently bucking her hips against her lips and tongue.

She wasn't even sure how long had passed, but it felt like forever before Faith moved to lay next to her, her fingers dancing delicately over her stomach and teasing over her breasts and rock hard nipples. She was spent. Completely and fully spent. She finally managed to open her eyes and smiled over at Faith as their lips met in a soft, tentative kiss.

"Now _that_ is something I definitely could get used to every morning," Buffy teased as she pulled Faith in for another kiss. "I could also get used to lying in bed for most of the morning with you, just like this."

"Oh yeah," Faith smirked as she laid her head on the pillow next to Buffy's. "We'll have to rearrange our schedule to make sure we can spend every morning just like this."

"Crap," Buffy sighed out as she looked over at the clock. "You just had to remind me of the schedule, didn't you?"

"I'm sure we can take today off. I don't think anyone else is up for training today after what went down last night. Besides, you're the boss here, General Buffy. You can just give everyone a day off, including yourself."

"It's not like I've been sticking to the schedule for the last month or so anyway. Actually, make that the last year or so."

"Don't get so down on yourself, okay?" Faith said softly as she ran her fingers over her pouting lips. "Why don't we get a couple more hours of sleep, then I'll make us some breakfast. Sound good?"

"Sounds heavenly."

Buffy gave her one last kiss before rolling on her side. She sighed out contentedly as Faith pulled the covers over them and spooned her from behind. She fell asleep to the soft, feather-light kisses Faith laid over her neck and shoulder, and for once she truly felt relaxed. She felt all her worries, all her fears, all her doubts just flutter away as she drifted off into a very deep and dreamless sleep.

****

She woke up to an empty bed much later in the day and she groaned out softly as she stretched out. Her hand fell upon a piece of paper on the pillow next to her and she sat up slowly, smiling as she read the short note Faith had left her. It only said she'd be back as soon as she could and there was a small heart drawn below the scribbled handwriting that was a little hard to read. She smiled wider as she placed the piece of paper on the nightstand. It was almost too good to be true to be with someone like Faith. Every day, every little thing she'd do or say surprised her. There was still a lot they both didn't know about each other, but Buffy was taking Angel's advice from before about taking things one step at a time, that it was better to get to know each other over a span of time than all at once.

Angel would be leaving soon, she knew he would be. He had his own life back in LA and he was no longer needed here now that she was no longer a vampire with a soul and Dr. Sonia had been taken care of. She'd miss him, she knew that much. It'd been far too long since the last time she'd seen him before he'd come here. Sure, he'd caused a rift between her and Faith, but she'd completely expected that to happen. Good had come out of the bad when things had fallen apart between her and Faith that one day. It made them both see the true side of their relationship and find a way to make it okay again. It gave her hope for the future, for her and Faith's future.

As much as she wanted to laze about in bed for a little while longer, she knew she had to get up. She slipped out of bed and picked up her discarded clothes, unable to wipe the smile from her face at how good Faith had made her feel earlier. It was always intense, it always felt like the first time all over again, and she hoped it would always feel that way between them. It was what would give their relationship the fire and the passion her previous relationships had lacked severely.

She heard it once she was out in the corridor, the steady thumps against the punching bag in the training room, perfectly timed. Music to her ears. She straightened out her clothes a little as she walked through the twisted maze of corridors until she was standing outside the training room and peering in through the partially open door. Faith was standing by the bag, throwing a steady stream of punches, jabs and kicks. She wasn't as fluid as she normally was and Buffy could tell she was favouring her right side. Finally wandering into the training room, Buffy smiled over at Faith as she stopped and turned to look at her.

"Hey," she said softly, stopping in front of Faith to pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss. "I'm guessing you're feeling a lot better now, huh?"

"Oh yeah. Almost as good as new," Faith chuckled as Buffy rolled her eyes at that. "Went to get checked out a little while ago. Got the a-okay to work out. Got some frustration I need to get out and this is the only way I can do it."

"You are always frustrated."

"Sexual and otherwise," Faith winked as she began to unwrap the tape from around her hands. "You hungry, B?"

"Oh yeah. Worked up quite an appetite earlier."

Faith chuckled as she slapped Buffy across the ass on her way over to where she'd left her water bottle. Buffy tried not to stare at her and found it nearly impossible. Every little thing Faith did made her crave her. The desire for her was so strong it was almost scary, but she savoured it and let her eyes drink in every inch of her. She blushed when Faith licked over her lips and gave her another wink as she ran her hands over her stomach and her hips. Buffy gulped as she stood there for a moment, mesmerized by the unbridled sexuality that came off of Faith in waves.

"Let's go see about getting some lunch," Faith said as she reached for Buffy's hand. "Oh, before we do..."

"Yeah?"

"Have you been up to the infirmary yet? Uh, Satsu asked me if I could send you up there. Something about needing to talk," Faith said softly as they walked out of the training room hand in hand. "She seemed a little nervous asking me that, too. Guess she's afraid of how I was gonna react."

"She's..."

"She's what, B?"

"I should tell you I got a letter from her not that long before you came back," Buffy said quietly as she slowed down to nearly a stop. She hadn't told anyone about that letter. In fact, she'd nearly forgotten about it completely, or at least she'd tried to. "She said some things in that letter that..."

"What?" Faith asked as she stopped and stood in front of her. "You can tell me."

"She still has feelings for me, or she did when she wrote the letter. It was post-dated by a couple of months. She also said a few things that really hurt and after I read it about a dozen times, I burned it and I..."

"You what?"

"I walked out of here that night and I..." her voice trailed off as the tears flooded her eyes. She couldn't even say it.

"Oh. Oh, shit," Faith sighed as she wrapped her arms around her. "It's okay, B. It's done and over with and you're here now. All that matters, okay? Maybe you should talk to her."

"I don't think so. I don't want to."

"Then don't. Sorry I even mentioned it. I'm just the messenger here," Faith replied with a soft chuckle. She gave Buffy a lingering kiss before she grabbed her hand and they continued down the corridor towards the kitchen.

Buffy quickly wiped away the few stray tears that had escaped as they walked into the kitchen together. Xander and Dawn were standing by the refrigerator talking quietly to one another. Willow was at the stove flipping pancakes and Kennedy was sitting at the table across from Giles, both of them looking utterly bored out of their minds. Buffy let go of Faith's hand and watched her as she walked over to the table and sat down next to Kennedy, sharing a few short, quiet words and a laugh. Buffy just stood there, not knowing whether to sit down at the table or ask Willow if she needed any help. She looked like she was making enough pancakes to feed an army of slayers, and Buffy had no doubt in her mind that was exactly what she was planning to do. Dawn stopped whispering to Xander and pulled Buffy over to the side.

"What's up?" Buffy asked softly as she looked over at Xander, who quickly turned and walked over to sit at the table.

"We're going to tell everyone."

"Tell everyone what?"

"Nobody else knows that I'm pregnant, remember?" Dawn whispered. "Just you."

"Oh. Yeah. How do you think they're all going to react?"

"I'm not sure, which is why I'm really not sure about telling them right now."

"They'll probably take it better than I did," Buffy laughed softly as she pulled Dawn in for a quick hug. "We are your family and they should know. By the way, why is Xander acting like I'm going to kill him the first chance I get?"

"Because that's exactly what he's afraid of right now. You aren't, are you?"

"No," Buffy shook her head as she looked over at him. "I'm actually not upset, not like I was last night. These things happen, right? And I know you two love each other and would do anything for the baby and for each other."

"We do love each other," Dawn smiled dreamily as she looked over at him. "He wants to get married. I told him we should just wait until after the baby is born. Do you think that's a good idea?"

"I don't know..."

"What are you two whispering about?" Willow asked as she popped up next to them. "You two sharing secrets again?"

"No, Will," Buffy laughed as she shook her head no. "No secrets, just...sisterly talk."

"Are you sure?" Willow asked sceptically as she looked at both of them. "Because I'm getting these tingly feelings and no, not _those_ kinds of tingly feelings, that there's something big going on. Are you two scheming? You are, aren't you?"

"No, we aren't scheming," Buffy said as she caught Dawn rolling her eyes at Willow. "Dawn?"

"What?"

"What?" Willow asked, a smile curling over her lips as she stared at Dawn and patiently waited for her to answer. "What's going on, Dawnie? Is it big? You have news, don't you? You have big news, don't you? It's not bad news, is it?"

"No, it's not bad news," Dawn replied as she shook her head no. "I...Xander and I..."

The kitchen fell into silence and Buffy stepped back as Faith walked over to her and slid an arm around her waist. Even Giles looked over, removing his glasses as he waited for Dawn to continue. Buffy knew it had to be hard for her to tell everyone her news. She remembered how hard it was for her when she told them about her and Satsu, telling those closest to her that she was gay and sleeping with a fellow Slayer. It wasn't exactly the same thing, but on the nerves level Buffy imagined it was pretty damn close.

"In about seven months..." Dawn started out, her voice cracking with emotion as Willow's eyes went wide in shock. "I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant?!" Willow shrieked as she hugged Dawn close. "This is great news, Dawnie. It is great news, right?"

"Yeah," she laughed as she pushed Willow away. "Great news."

Buffy moved away from the rest of them, pulling Faith with her and engaging in a series of short and sweet kisses. So many things had changed and were continuing to change, and if this had happened months ago Buffy wouldn't have been handling things as well as she was. She felt stronger now, strong like she'd once been, ready and willing to deal with whatever life threw her way next. She gave Faith one last kiss before they turned and watched the emotional scene before them. Xander still looked rather wary of Buffy, keeping his distance as much as he could while standing next to Dawn with an arm around her shoulders.

"I should...talk to Xander. He kind of thinks that I want to kill him for getting my sister pregnant," Buffy whispered to Faith as she pulled her arms from around her and gave her hands a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah, you should talk to him."

"Don't you find this a little weird though?"

"What part?"

"Dawnie being pregnant," Buffy whispered. "It's kind of...icky."

Faith laughed as she pulled her in close and gave her a deep, passionate kiss. Buffy forgot about where they were and that they weren't alone and pulled Faith in closer, their bodies moulding into one another's as she swept her hands down her back and grabbed onto her ass as she ground her hips into Faith's. Giles soon cleared his throat and that brought Buffy back to reality. She fought back the blush as she reluctantly pulled away from Faith's delectable lips. Faith smiled down at her and gave her ass a playful squeeze before she walked over to the counter and hoisted herself up.

"Sorry," Buffy muttered under her breath as she walked over to Xander. "Can we talk?"

"Does this talk involve you kicking my ass?"

"No," she laughed as she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug. "I will not kick your ass, Xander."

"Cool," he grinned as he stepped back from Buffy and put his arm around her shoulder. "So talk, Buff."

"Privately?"

He nodded his head and they walked out into the corridor together. "So, what's the what? You are a little angry, aren't you?"

"No."

"Upset?"

"A little bit, yeah."

"We were careful every time we..."

"Xander, I really don't need to hear about your sex life with my sister. I just want to know that you'll take care of her and the baby no matter what."

"Look who you're talking to, Buff. I'd be crazy to walk away despite how scared shitless I am of this whole thing. I love Dawn. I always have and I know I always will. I realized over the past couple of years that she is the one I want to spend my life with. I just...I need a little help from you in convincing her to get married before the baby is born. I want to do the right thing."

"I know you do. I just wanted to tell you that I'm okay with this. I don't want you to think for one second that I'm not."

"So, in other news," he grinned as he leaned back to look into the kitchen, "you and Faith are all loved up lately, huh?"

"Yeah," Buffy laughed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I guess we are."

"And everything is a-okay between you two after what happened?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"She's really not the same Faith we all used to know, huh?"

"She's really not," she smiled as she moved to stand next to him and peered into the kitchen. "I sometimes can't believe how much she's changed and how much I love her now. It's amazing just to be with her, you know? She's everything I've ever wanted and searched for my whole life. I didn't see it until after..."

"Sometimes it takes a life changing event to bring two people closer together. I'm happy for you, Buff. I haven't seen you so happy since...well, ever."

They both laughed and hugged each other one last time before going back into the kitchen. Buffy felt relieved that things were sorted between her and Xander. Just like always, he was easy to talk to and just like always, he turned the whole thing back to it being all about her. For once she didn't mind, though: It meant everything to her that Xander was all for her relationship with Faith. Everything was really beginning to fall into place in her life and in everyone else's. It made her just a little worried that something or someone was going to step in and take it all away from them in an instant.

She shrugged off that feeling, those negative thoughts, as she went to sit down at the table with everyone else. The pancakes Willow had been making were finished and piled on a large plate in the middle of the table. Everyone was talking and laughing and it felt good, it felt normal. Faith sat down next to her and leaned over to give her a soft kiss.

"Everything go okay with Xander?"

"Yeah," Buffy smiled. "Everything went okay."

"After we eat I want to take you somewhere."

"Where?"

"It's a surprise. If I tell you then I'll have to kill you," Faith whispered, trying to keep a straight face but bursting out laughing when Buffy only raised an unimpressed eyebrow at her. "Just gonna take you for a ride on my Harley, B."

"Isn't it a little cold outside?"

"Then bundle up," she winked as she reached over across the table and stabbed a stack of pancakes with her fork.

Buffy just sat there and looked around at her friends, her family, and smiled to herself. How she went so long without appreciating little moments like this, she didn't know. She didn't ever want to go back to the dark place she'd buried herself in before. She had them all, and they all had a special place in her life and in her heart. Most of all, her heart and soul belonged to Faith, just as she was sure Faith's own heart and soul belonged to her. She didn't need to be told or to question it. She just knew.

****

She had her eyes closed tight and her arms wrapped around Faith as they rode down the winding roads on the Harley. She knew Faith was lost to the power of the motorcycle, lost to the winding roads, and lost to the feel of her arms wrapped so securely around her. Buffy couldn't help but tremble every time she opened her eyes just as Faith was about to take a sharp turn. She was almost never afraid of anything, but being on the Harley and going as fast as they were on the slippery roads made her fear for her life. Just a little.

They'd been out riding for nearly two hours and Buffy had no idea where Faith was taking her. Familiar surroundings turned into foreign places and when Faith finally came to a stop, she shivered and opened her eyes slowly. They were parked on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean and the sun was just starting to set in the sky. She smiled as she let go of Faith and they both climbed off the bike and walked near the edge.

"You mentioned before how we'd never been on a real date and since I'm not so sure what you consider a date, I thought coming to watch the sunset might be cool."

"Faith," Buffy smiled as Faith wrapped her arms around her from behind and she relaxed in her embrace, "it's perfect."

"I figured the whole dinner and a movie thing was a little cliché, but of course so is coming out here to watch the sunset. Then I figured you _were_ one of those cliché loving chicks, so as soon as the sun sets I'm taking you out for dinner."

"Where?"

"Well, it's not out anywhere, I'm actually gonna make you dinner when we get back home. I talked to the guys and they all agreed to stay out of the kitchen tonight. Just wanted to do something special for you cos you're my world now, B. I need to show you how much you mean to me."

"You show me that every time you just look at me, touch me, and kiss me. You didn't need to do this for me."

"I know, but I wanted to. Besides, Kennedy has been on my ass about taking you out on a proper date. She wouldn't tell me what a 'proper' date was besides the fact that spending the entire night naked in bed doesn't classify as a date."

They both chuckled as they watched the sun begin to slowly disappear beyond the horizon. This was perfect for Buffy until it also brought back the memory of the few times she'd gone out with Satsu on an early patrol and stopped to watch the sunset before they ended up spending hours making out up against the nearest tree. She closed her eyes and willed away those thoughts. She was here and with Faith, and she didn't need to be thinking about anyone else other than her. She wasn't about to tell Faith that Satsu had brought her out to this very spot once, just a few days before they broke things off for good. It was probably the last good memory of the relationship that wasn't a relationship that she had with Satsu. It was just one of those things she didn't want to share with Faith.

Unable to shake the thoughts from her head, she turned around and pulled Faith in for a long, deep kiss. If anything could help the rest of the world slip away it was becoming lost in Faith's lips and tongue and the feel of her arms wrapped around her with Faith's body pressed impossibly close to her own. She wanted to stay lost within Faith, yet she knew she couldn't. Not forever. Not with life to get back to, responsibilities to take care of.

"B, I know you are worried about something," Faith whispered as she broke away from the kiss, their lips still lightly brushing against one another's. "But can you just do one thing for me tonight and forget about everything else but you and me?"

"I can try."

"Try harder," she said softly as she trailed her lips across Buffy's neck and pulled back a little to smile at her. "Are you hungry yet?"

"Starved."

"Good thing we didn't eat before we came out here. I never knew you were afraid of being on the back of a Harley."

"I'm...not," Buffy stammered as she allowed Faith to lead her back over to the bike. "It's just...those turns in the road were...and I was...oh god. Fine! I'm afraid of motorcycles, happy?"

"Nothing to be afraid of, B. I spent three years on this baby riding everywhere. Aren't any roads I can't handle driving."

"Great," Buffy said with a forced smile as she watched Faith climb on the bike before climbing on behind her. "Faith? Could we maybe talk later?"

"About what?"

"Everything. I know we talked a lot before, but I still feel like there's a lot about you that I just don't know."

"Curious, are you?" Faith smirked as she turned a little and gave her a kiss. "Don't worry, B. Everything that's worth knowing about me you already know. Besides, we got a whole lot of time ahead of us to really dig out the dirt."

Buffy just held onto her tighter and this time tried to keep her eyes open the entire way back to the castle. Faith took it easy, making those sharp turns with ease and precision. It was less than half an hour ride and Buffy rolled her eyes as she climbed off the bike as soon as Faith had it parked and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What? Don't give me that look, B. I wanted to take us for a nice long ride before..."

"Whatever," she smirked as she grabbed Faith's hand and they headed inside. "Just promise me next time we're going for a ride that you won't drive like a maniac."

"I didn't on the way back, did I?"

"No," Buffy said as she stopped in the corridor and pulled Faith in for a kiss. "Thank you. At least I went half an hour without seeing my entire life flashing before my eyes."

"Go upstairs and get changed," Faith whispered into her ear before backing away. "And don't come down for about an hour and a half okay?"

Buffy just nodded and watched her walk down the corridor until she disappeared around the corner. She sighed softly as she turned and headed up the stairs to her suite. Her muscles ached from the damp and the cold of the night and she walked right into her bathroom and ran the water in the tub. There was nothing quite like a hot, relaxing bath and it felt far too long since she'd had one.

She watched the water fill the tub as she slowly stripped out of her clothes and wondered if she could talk Faith into have a bath with her later. Nobody had ever wanted to share a bath with her before, and she hadn't wanted to share one with anyone until now. She shrugged it off and climbed into the tub, shutting the water off before lying back in the deep tub and closing her eyes. She relaxed and tried to tune out the faint voices she could hear throughout the castle. Her senses were still amplified and she had to wonder if they'd ever go back to what was considered normal for her. The only time she really didn't mind those heightened senses was around Faith. It made her feel every inch of her even if she wasn't actually touching her.

Relaxing in the hot water did nothing to stop her train of thought. She let the thoughts flow through her instead of holding them down. She thought about the last week, the last month, and the last year. Too much had changed, she had changed and everyone around her had changed. Everything always changed, but it seemed like this time it was all starting to come full circle. Not just for her, but for everyone.

They were all finally finding their place in life, a place outside the world they'd known for far too long. Xander and Dawn were going to have a baby, Kennedy and Willow had stayed together since Sunnydale with no signs of them breaking things off anytime soon. And she had Faith and despite the few setbacks, they still managed to get over it and go right back pretty much where they'd left off when she'd been cured and turned back into a very human Buffy. Giles, she wasn't so sure about him sometimes. She knew he'd been dating a woman at one point or another, but she had never been one to be too interested in his love life. It was Giles and it was just...wrong…in her mind to think about his private life even though he was thoroughly involved in all of theirs.

She felt more relaxed than ever now just lying there in the tub, the hot water soothing her muscles and her soul. Baths were relaxing, they were a cure. A way to unwind even if there was no reason to. She smiled to herself when she only faintly heard the sounds of Faith cursing to herself down in the kitchen.

No matter how far away she'd felt at different points in her life since meeting Faith that one night, it didn't matter anymore. They'd always drift closer and further apart, depending on the day, the moment, the fights she knew would be inevitable between them. But only one thing really truly mattered at the end of the day. Her heart belonged to Faith and it always would until the day she died. She was a cheesy, sappy romantic, and she knew Faith sure as hell didn't mind.


	10. Epilogue

I want to thank those who have read this story from the beginning (Closer) and I would especially love to thank those loyal reviewers. Much love to you guys :) This is the last of this little series, but I'll have plenty of other stories to keep you all entertained in the days, weeks and hopefully years to come...

* * *

For ten days Faith cooked her dinner every single night and they sat together in the kitchen with the lights dimmed low and a single lit candle on the table in between them. For ten days Faith would wake her up with soft kisses and gentle caresses, whispering words of love and nonsense into her ear. For ten days Buffy felt like she was in a dream. She was floating and feeling on top of the world.

Being in love with Faith was just like that. One of the best things in the world.

She never underestimated Faith, not once in the last ten days. She forever was outshining herself and Buffy would just step back and let her do as she wanted, do her as she pleased and when she wanted. Three nights ago Angel had caught them on the back stairs, which had forever burned embarrassment into her mind whenever she now thought of Angel. The goodbye between them when he left the next night was nothing short of horribly awkward; they could barely look at one another. With him and Faith it was different. She gave him a hug and whispered something into his ear that made him laugh before Willow teleported him back to LA and out of their lives for now.

The last ten days were definitely the best ten days of her life and the last they'd spend in the castle for nearly two months. Giles had arranged for all of them to go down to a villa he'd rented down in southern Spain. Willow, full of impatience, had insisted on teleporting them all there, zapping them to their destination in groups of four. Buffy, Faith, Dawn and Xander went first, and while Faith went to claim the room with the 'best bed to fuck on', as she'd so blatantly put it, Buffy headed down to the private beach with Dawn.

"Two months, can you believe it?" Dawn asked as they sat near the water, side by side on the sand. "This place must have cost a fortune!"

"It's not like we don't have the money," Buffy shrugged, looking back up at the villa to watch as Faith and Xander came out of the back door carrying a few beers along with a big glass of ice cold water for Dawn. "Willow, Kennedy and Giles should be here soon. We should make the most out of it while they aren't here."

"Buffy!" Dawn laughed as she nudged her with her shoulder. "How did you manage to convince Giles not to let anyone else come along?"

"Someone needs to keep an eye on things back home, don't they?"

"But leaving Satsu in charge?"

"Why not?" Buffy shrugged. "She's capable. It's not like she can't bark orders from bed until her leg heals. Besides, I don't think Giles wanted any of the younger girls coming along. We all need a break, you know? Even him."

"Yeah," Dawn smiled, looking out over the water as Xander and Faith handed them their drinks. "Did you two fight for the biggest room?"

"Guess who won," Faith gloated as she sat beside Buffy and kicked off her boots. "Yeah, that's right, I did. You and your man are stuck in the room in the basement. Gonna have to sleep on this smelly old mattress that's gonna make your hair stink for a week."

"It doesn't have a basement!" Dawn laughed as she reached over Buffy to try and hit Faith on the shoulder. "God, how do you stand her sometimes, Buffy?"

"Easily," Buffy replied smugly as she pushed Dawn away from her and leaned in towards Faith to give her a sweet kiss.

"Ugh," Dawn groaned as she got to her feet and pulled Xander a little further down the beach and away from them.

"What's wrong with Dawnie? Raging pregnant lady hormones kicking in already or something?" Faith asked once she pulled back from Buffy's lips. "You know, I just had a thought."

"What's that?"

"If Willow didn't cure you, you'd never be able to come down here with us. Would've sucked."

"You mean you would have just left me in Scotland?"

"Dude, have you seen this place?" Faith laughed as she pulled Buffy closer to her until she sat across her lap. "Nah, I was just thinking, you know? My brain kind of goes off into weird places at the weirdest times. I wouldn't have left you in Scotland, B. I would've found a way to get you down here one way or another."

"Can we not...think about that?"

"Sure," Faith nodded as she kissed the side of her head and twisted off the cap on her beer. "We can just think about other things."

"Like?"

"The next two months of lying on the beach and living it up without a goddamn care in the world. No vampires, no demons, no nothing but us."

"Sounds too good to be true," Buffy mused as she leaned into Faith and took a deep, shaky breath.

"The last couple of weeks have been crazy, huh?" Faith asked as she looked at Buffy with a smile. "Wouldn't change a single thing except for that first week you were back, when you were nothing but a cold-hearted bitch to me."

"I'm sorry," Buffy whispered as she ran her fingers through Faith's hair. "It technically wasn't my fault, you know."

"I know, B. Doesn't matter anymore."

They just sat there and watched the sun as it began to set. They stayed out there until it was dark and didn't move from their spot until Willow called out for them to come inside. Joining everyone in the large kitchen, both of them were still in their own little world as they sat down at the far end of the large table together. There was a spread of food, mostly finger food and sandwiches, on the table, but neither of them felt hungry as they just stared at one another. They fought back the urge to kiss one another, to get up and leave and disappear to their room for the night.

"I trust everyone has claimed a room?" Giles asked as he looked directly at Buffy and Faith. "Ladies?"

"Oh yeah," Faith nodded, breaking away from Buffy's intense gaze. "Fought Xander for the biggest room in the house and I won, of course."

"Of course," Giles laughed as he sat back in his chair and let out a deep breath. "Now, I want everyone to know that just because we are on vacation doesn't mean that we'll be going without proper daily training."

"Giles!" Buffy, Faith and Kennedy all whined in unison.

"A morning run down the beach, sparring and possibly some cardio. That's all I ask."

Faith kissed Buffy's pout away and whispered into her ear that they had the cardio part covered. It made Buffy laugh and a shiver ran through her body, the craving of the desire, the lust, the need building by the second. The heat, although not scorching hot, was getting to her as well. Her clothes were sticking to her skin and she could feel a small bead of sweat rolling down her back. She focused on it, trying to push back the desire and arousal she felt as Faith kissed her again, her tongue slipping past her lips and nearly possessing Buffy for a few long minutes.

"Okay, gross," Dawn groaned from the other end of the table. "We should set some rules. No making out at the table when others are present. I just lost my appetite."

Buffy pulled away from Faith's lips reluctantly just as Faith flipped Dawn off. She gave her a playful slap across the arm and stood up, grabbing a sandwich before reaching for Faith's hand and silently leading her out of the kitchen. Realizing she had no idea which room was theirs, she took a bite of her sandwich as she let Faith lead her up the stairs to a door at the far end of the hallway.

It was big, not as big as her suite or Faith's room at the castle, but it had a bed and a large window with a balcony that overlooked the water. Their bags were at the foot of the bed and she took another bite of her sandwich as she pulled her bag up onto the bed and opened it. She fought off Faith's wandering hands, laughing as Faith gave up and lay down on the bed in front of her.

"What? We should unpack," Buffy said as she carried a handful of clothes over to the big dresser near the door.

"Can't we leave it until the morning, B?"

"No. Besides, I want to get my suit on and go for a swim. It's really hot here tonight."

"It's gonna be like this the whole time we're here. Giles said something about a freak heat wave or something. You know," she said softly as she got up from the bed and wrapped her arms around Buffy as she put the clothes away in the top drawer, "if it was just you and me here we wouldn't have needed to pack a single stitch of clothing."

"We couldn't just walk around naked for two months."

"Oh yeah?" Faith chuckled as she turned Buffy around slowly. "Sure we could've. It's Spain, B. Plenty of people walk around naked all the time."

"Maybe on the nudist beaches," she muttered under her breath then shuddered. "Thank god we have our own private beach. I don't think I could handle seeing all those old men walking around with their...things hanging out..."

Faith chuckled loudly as she pulled Buffy back to the bed. "Yeah, that would have been pretty gross, B. Thanks for those images."

"Faith..." Buffy groaned as she fought off her wandering hands and lips again. "Later, okay?"

"Why?"

"Because I told you, I want to go for a swim first."

"Fine," Faith huffed as she grabbed her bag and dumped her clothes on the bed. Buffy shook her head as she grabbed her suit, a light blue bikini, and quickly changed into it while Faith sorted through her clothes until she found her own black bikini. Buffy raised an eyebrow at her after she'd changed into it. "What, B?"

"Thank god we have our own private beach because that?" Buffy said as she checked her out, her eyes drinking in every inch of tantalizing skin on display. "That barely is considered a bathing suit."

"I'll let you in on a little secret," Faith whispered as she pulled Buffy into her and firmly wrapped her arms around her waist. "I stole it from you."

"Great. Well, to tell you the truth, it looks better on you than on me."

"Good," Faith grinned as their lips met for a brief kiss. They pulled apart at the sounds of Willow and Kennedy laughing and shrieking down on the beach. "Looks like we're not the only ones who wanted to go for a swim."

They made their way down to the beach together, hand in hand, after they'd thrown on some shorts and grabbed a couple of towels. Giles and Xander were busy trying to build a bonfire while Dawn sat on a log looking bored out of her mind. Buffy sat down next to her and watched as Faith headed for the water, nearly tackling Kennedy as she snuck up behind her and Willow.

It was relaxing. One of those carefree moments and one of many Buffy knew without a doubt that they'd have over the next two months they would be there. This was the normal part of life she'd wanted for far too long and now that she had it, she wasn't sure if she was happy or if she felt something else completely. She stuck with happy. She was done with feeling anything else other than happiness. She was done worrying, done feeling depressed and alone. She wasn't alone anymore and it wasn't just because she was with Faith now. The events that had unfolded over the last month and a half had been an eye opener for her.

She took a look around at her friends, her family and smiled to herself. It'd been a long time since she'd seen everyone so relaxed and without a single worry in their minds. This is what they'd needed for years, just to get away from the life they'd known for far too long. They just need an escape and this was by far the best escape from life that Buffy could imagine. A beautiful beach, a huge villa, warmth and everyone she loved surrounding her.

She watched the fire burning, thinking back yet again over everything that had happened in the last month and a half. She couldn't keep the smile off of her face as she thought of all the little ways Faith made her feel. Faith was like her fire, burning into her, all over her. It was the good kind of fire, the one that she hoped would never flicker out. The fire inside of her that burned for Faith had always burned, dormant for far too long and only awakened after she finally opened the door to her closely guarded heart. She couldn't dwell on the past, or the events that led up to Faith coming back into her life. She could only embrace them, for they caused a ripple effect in her life that changed it for the better. Even at the worst moments, mostly during that week she couldn't remember a single thing, she knew it had all been for the better.

"B, are you coming?" Faith called out from where she, Kennedy and Willow were in the water.

"I'll be right there!" Buffy called back, smiling as she stood up and stripped out of her clothes, leaving them piled there on the log. "Are you coming, Dawnie?"

"I'll be there in a minute," she replied as she smiled up at Buffy.

She walked along the soft sand, stopping when she reached the water. It was cold, but not too cold, and she took a few tentative steps forward, getting used to the feel of the cool saltwater on her skin. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd gone to a beach, much less swam in an ocean. Her thoughts were lost when Faith walked over to her and pulled her deeper into the water. She crushed her lips against Faith's as soon as they were nearly waist deep in the water.

"Cold enough for you?" Faith chuckled as she broke apart from the kiss a few long minutes later.

"Huh?" Buffy asked, feeling a little dazed as she ran the tips of her fingers along Faith's arms as Faith continued to walk back further into the water, pulling her along. "Oh, it's not so bad."

"Mm," Faith smiled as she pulled Buffy closer to her and picked her up, Buffy's legs wrapping around her waist. "It just occurred to me that we've never gone swimming together before. That time at Gigi's doesn't count."

"Seems like we have a lot of firsts to get caught up on."

"Oh yeah. Never fucked in the water before, either," Faith whispered as she slowly eased a hand over Buffy's stomach and came to rest just over the top of her bikini bottoms. "Have you?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"

"But..." Buffy looked around and motioned towards Willow and Kennedy a little ways from them and the others on the beach. "We're not exactly alone."

"And I don't exactly care. It's not like they can see what we're doing way out here, and Will and Kenny seem to be having a little too much of their own fun to notice us."

"Oh god," Buffy laughed as she held onto Faith a little tighter and quickly looked away from her best friend. "Faith..."

Her almost protest was lost as Faith's lips found her own, her fingers sliding into her bikini bottoms and blazing a hot trail over her skin. Faith had her lost in a world of pleasure as her fingers slipped and swirled over her clit, working her up and burning yet another flame of desire deep within her. It'd been like that for the last ten days. They were insatiable together. Faith always knew how to touch her just right, to get her burning for more, begging for more. She knew how to bring her quickly to the edge, but then again all it took was a look from Faith and she was always at the edge and ready to tumble over.

The soft waves rolled over their bodies as Faith dipped her fingers lower, teasing her hole in time to their tongues dancing over one another's. Buffy rolled her hips down on her hand, moaning softly as Faith slowly entered her. They both froze as a soft foam football whacked Faith in the back of the head.

"What the fuck?" She growled, moving to take her hand out from inside Buffy's bikini bottoms. Buffy gripped her wrist and shook her head no. "I'm gonna fucking kill Xander."

"Can't it wait?"

"No," she said as she shook her head. Buffy reached out for the foam football and Faith turned them just enough to allow Buffy to throw it back at the beach and at Xander with slayer strength and speed. It hit him in the chest and sent him stumbling backwards. "Hah! Dumbass. See if he does it again."

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and fuck me," Buffy purred as she pulled her back in for a deep kiss.

***

They had stayed out there for a little while longer before heading back to the beach and joining the others around the bonfire. Buffy and Faith sat off on their own, whispering softly to one another and sharing a few deep, passionate kisses here and there. They only barely listened to the stories Giles told them, having heard them just as many times as the others had, more focused on one another than anything else.

"You ever think it'd end up like this for us?" Faith asked softly as she traced her fingers lightly over Buffy's bare thigh, stopping when she reached the edges of her shorts. "You ever think we could be so happy together?"

"No, but you know what?" Buffy smiled as she reached for Faith's hand and intertwined their fingers. "I'm glad we finally figured it out."

"So am I."

"I love you," Buffy whispered against her lips, waiting for Faith to respond. She felt the words being said silently against her lips and she smiled and pulled her in closer, deepening the kiss as both her hands slid through Faith's hair slowly.

Where would they go from here? Buffy really didn't know. All she knew was she had to keep doing what she'd been doing for the last ten days, the last month and a half. She had to just savour each moment they had together and live in the now instead of worrying about tomorrow and the days that would follow. She was in love, she was happy, and she was surrounded by the people who meant the most to her. For once in her life everything was just perfect.

She'd had to feel so lost, so alone and so far away from everyone and herself just to turn her life around to where it was now. When she thought about it, despite the hardships, the internal conflict, and fights she had with her heart and soul, she knew in the end that it was definitely worth it.

.

The End


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